


Who we need to be

by stainhermouthred



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: 1x07 AU, Angst, Cuddling, Death, Dirty Talk, Drinking, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I tagged Clarke/Roan but it's the most casual thing ever, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Like no feelings involved, Murder, Oral Sex, Psychological Trauma, Season/Series 01, Show/Book Mix, Slow Burn, Smut, Snarky sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Uneasy Allies, Violence, Why this is not a tag seriously, a lot of murder and then the romace that's the alternative title for this fic, bed sharing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-09-10 23:59:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 60,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainhermouthred/pseuds/stainhermouthred
Summary: When they get sent down everyone is there for a reason  but then there's Clarke, one of the rich ones, locked into solitary and no one knows what exactly did she do. When Bellamy finds out it's worse that he could ever imagine but he can't really do a thing because the ground is unforgiving and unfortunately she is one of the few people he trusts to help him keep them alive.(It's after 1x07 but they did not make contact with the Ark)(It's not as bad as the tags make it look)07/17 I'm editing it a little but the plot stays the same, I'll notify it there is any new part added.





	1. Necessary evil

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Just now this, I'm very nervous to post this, it's the most violent story I have written so far. 
> 
> Things that you should know!  
> \- Clarke has a different backstory (people who read the books -> it's inspired or just stolen from the books. I'm not sure, I don't remember what was in the books)  
> \- They didn't make contact with the Ark in 1x07, Clarke saved Finn on her own.  
> \- Obviously characters have a darker spin on them and it will not be a light story so if you're here for a cute romance, I'm so sorry.
> 
> That's it, enjoy ;) I'll update the tags with new chapters :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED 08/07/17

They were falling too fast.

She sat strapped to her uncomfortable sit with clenched fists and Wells next to her. He was just as quiet as Clarke while the rest of the delinquents were screaming. She couldn’t tell if it was in fear or excitement. The one thing she knew was… there _were_ going to crush. They would die. The wristband was biting into the flesh on her wrist, the dull pain keeping her from panicking. Wells shouted that she needed to hear something, that they couldn’t die if she didn’t know. She didn’t want to listen though. She focused on  the ground that was coming closer and closer then there was a deafening crush and the darkness.

Clarke sat up suddenly, breathing hard, her hand clutching at her heaving chest as she tried to calm her racing heart. It was only a nightmare and once she got rid of the terror she remembered where she was. The ground. The reality turned out to be just as bad as her dream.

She deserved it though. Most of the kids who got sent down here were in a lockdown for things like smoking weed or stealing. Then there were some of them sentenced for raping and killing. Clarke belonged to the second category but unlike the rest of the delinquents she spent the last year in solitary because she didn’t just kill someone. She also had a few secrets that couldn’t have been released under any circumstances.

They were sent down here in the first place because of the fault that would kill all of them in space. The Ark would ran out of air soon so the delinquents were supposed to find out if the ground was survivable.

It was good to live but it wasn’t easy.

It’s been two weeks now. Seven of them were dead and Finn was with Raven recovering from an almost fatal wound from the Grounder. They Grounder himself, Lincoln, that’s how Octavia called him, escaped. Most likely with little Blake’s help and there was no contact with the Ark despite their tries. It was a nightmare on its own.

Not to mention what she did few days ago. What she and Bellamy did.

She’d like to say that they are humans with moral compass and empathy but despite that she watched  Bellamy whip and beat the Grounder and she allowed it. Every crack caused some pain inside her but she welcomed it, thinking that maybe it meant that she wasn’t a complete monster. Not yet.

Bellamy kept hitting the Grounder over and over and Clarke knelt at his feet to beg for an antidote to save Finn but it didn’t work. Nothing worked. Not when he was bleeding. Not when Bellamy put the giant nail through his hand and Clarke felt like she was going to be sick but couldn’t look away. She wanted to but she forced herself to watch the blood sip from the pierced hand. She allowed it so she couldn’t look away. Her head was spinning and that voice inside her head kept nagging her, what kind of person she was to be okay with this.

In the end it was Octavia who cut herself with a poisoned knife and finally he showed them the antidote. The second he did Clarke looked up at Bellamy to find his eyes boring into hers. What they did, it was not enough and yet it was crossing every line they knew, it would stay with them. She couldn’t think about it then though, she needed to run to save Finn.

She wasn’t just a destruction. She could do some good, heal.

Finn was okay after all and the Grounder escaped.

Raven tried to get in touch with the Ark but failed. She was still trying but it would take time and no one really could do anything to help. They got back to normal tasks, everyone pulling their weight in their made-up society and still glaring at Clarke simply because she grew up in a better place that they did. Bellamy’s acknowledgment of her helped, she wasn’t stupid but now it wasn’t just him noticing her as part of the society, it was deeper.

By the end of the week she had enough of the glares and whispers and of people getting hurt in the stupidest ways possible so when there was a chance for her to sneak out, she took it.

The walk to the river has been the most peaceful she felt in a while. The vibrant green of trees around her, the smell of woods which she still enjoyed after lifetime among metal walls. She let everything soak in, the slight wind among the trees giving her chills, the smells and subtle noises of wildlife. She got to the river way too fast, the breeze from the water  putting a smile on her face. She got into the water, slowly, gasping at the cold and searched for the seawood, not wanting to get back empty-handed.

“Why the fuck are you here alone?”

There went her calm. Clarke took a deep breath and straightened her back. She turned her head to see Bellamy Blake himself standing at the edge of the river and glaring at her. He looked awful if she said so herself, his posture was  tense and although he was angry he also seemed to be exhausted just like she was. It didn’t mean that he still wasn’t  attractive but the effect was kind of lost when he looked ready to either snap or collapse.

She gave him her most unimpressed look and opened her mouth but he interrupted her:

“Don’t give me shit about needing supplies, that doesn’t explain why no is here with you” low timbre of his voice was almost vibrating with irritation like he was talking to a very stubborn child.

She could give him some bullshit, he wouldn’t believe it but would yell something and drag her back to camp. Then again, why would she lie.

“I wanted to be alone, I told Raven where I was going. Obviously it’s too much to ask for” she bend down to continue gathering supplies cursing Bellamy for coming here.

“You’re outside of the camp and with a Grounder on the loose, it’s just stupid. You’re immunity doesn’t work here, Princess, you can still die” he sounded less pissed off now and Clarke looked at him again.

His hands were at his sides and the lines of anger disappeared from his face. His eyes still were alert and he kept himself straight but he was done fighting.

“Go back to camp, Bellamy or sit down and wait. I’ll be done soon”  She saw him giving her a smirk.

“Or I can drag you back to camp right now”

Clarke rolled her eyes and said:

“Yes, I bet you can’t wait to get back to being called every five seconds.” She walked closer to him, splashing some water in his direction with every step until she was right in front of him:

“Let’s go then, drag me back, I bet there are kids waiting for you to solve every goddamn conflict there is, your favourite past-time.”

Bellamy looked at her with a clenched jaw staring into her eyes as if to dare her to say something else but she just waited. In a way they shared that burden of protecting these kids, of responsibility that they wanted to be relieved of just for a second. Even though they didn’t think they deserved it.

“It’s not about what we want, Princess” he said calmly never breaking eye contact.

Bellamy was looking down at her and she kept her chin up, not backing down.

“No, it’s not. But it’s only an hour or two. Then you can come back to ordering the others around and I can heal scrapes.” She turned away, sending more water around them and probably making him wet. She tried to get back to her task but was stopped by the hand on her forearm, long fingers gripping her flesh, not tightly enough to hurt but enough to stop her. She looked at his hand, dark against her pale arm and then up at his face that looked maybe not defeated but calmer.

“An hour?” She nodded and tugged her hand lightly so he released it.

He exhaled loudly and she got back to gather seaweed. In the corner of her eye she noticed Bellamy sitting down on the shore and some tension leaving his shoulders and she smiled to herself. A moment.

Clarke finished faster than she’d like but she was pretty sure she had some of that hour left. Slowly, she walked towards Bellamy. What she didn’t want to admit was that even when he was here, she still could relax. He didn’t impose his presence on her, didn’t talk unnecessarily, just sat there and appreciated the break.

She sat down at some distance from him and leaned back, breathing in. the sky was getting darker the clouds gathering and she realize it was going to rain soon.

“We need to get back” the rough voice next to her said and she shook her head slightly.

“It hasn’t been an hour yet” she protested.

She wished it would shut him up but she was out of luck for today.

“I didn’t expect you to just let us beat that Grounder” it was low and hesitant and not formed like a question. She still answered:

“Finn’s life was at stake.”

“I tortured another human being” she really didn’t want to but this conversation could not continue with her looking at the clouds so she reluctantly turned to face him only to find him way closer than before. He was staring at her with that intensity that seemed to be there constantly after torturing the Grounder.

“You said so yourself, who we are and who need to be to survive are very different things” she said in a hoarse voice. He kept all of his focus on her and it was unnerving.

“That was after. I thought Miller would have to wrestle you out of the floor. You stayed. You didn’t even turned your head away.” It wasn’t exactly admiration in his voice but wonder and maybe respect but she could have imagined that.

“We were doing this, I wasn’t stopping you, looking away would be wrong”

“What we were doing was wrong” his voice was calm and his eyes seemed to search for something in her face. “You allowed it” there was a tiny wrinkle between his eyebrows betraying his confusion.

“You wouldn’t have stopped if I didn’t”

“Not the point, Clarke”

Clarke. He didn’t call  her  by her name, not often, not unless it was serious.

“It was a choice between two bad things. Finn was dying so something had to be done” she said.

“Necessary evil? We were monsters because Earth demanded it of us?” he mused.

“Something like that. I’m not saying it was right Bellamy, I’m saying we chose something that we thought was a better option.”

The wind was getting more violent and she was tempted to move closer to him, tempted by warmth radiating from his body but her pride kept her from moving. Heavy silence between them lasted for a while until she felt cold droplets of rain on her skin. As nice as it was nice to stay here, she knew that they couldn’t so when he said that they should go back, she didn’t protest.

They walked for a few minutes, focusing on getting back before they’re soaked, before he broke the silence again. This time when he did, her stomach twisted painfully:

“Why were you locked down? I know that you were in solitary for a year and I know that Wells went down because of you. But no one knows what you did exactly”

His tone was quite light but she could feel his eyes on her even though she refused to acknowledge it. Instead she kept staring forward.

“Why, do you know what everyone here did to get locked down and I’m the only one missing?”

“Yes. I needed to know who I’m dealing with so I asked around. You’re the only one left”

Her heart was pounding and she tried to control her breathing trying not to hyperventilate at the mere thought about what she did.

“Clarke?” he sounded almost concerned but she still refused to look at him

“It better stay that way”  her voice broke down at the end of that, her throat was burning, she couldn’t think about it, not now, not with Bellamy watching her like a hawk.

Her hair was sticking to her face, Bellamy sped up so he was right next to her. It was obvious by her reaction that it was something terrible in her past and she wished the rain was heavier so he couldn’t see her expression. She wished he hadn’t come after her at all and hadn’t ask that goddamn question.

“Clarke, whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. There are kids here that murdered people, calm down, it’s just you and me” he said hurriedly.

“Are we friends now or something?” she spat out, trying to fight the guilt that was making her choke on her own breath. In theory, she shouldn’t have reacted like that. She killed Atom, it was a mercy kill, it wasn’t haunting her in the night.

“No.” he said mildly and stopped. She was tempted to keep walking but was more than sure that he would just yank her back. So she turned around and looked up at him. The rain was obscuring her vision growing heavier and heavier by the second and she wondered if the kids at camp were okay.  He brought her back to the matter at hand:

 “We are keeping these people alive, it's more important than being ‘friends’.”

Clarke stood there, watching the man that she wasn’t sure if she liked or not. There was a part that she never realized, she trusted him with all of their lives. That was something. She swallowed hard and started talking:

“Two years ago I walked into my parent’s laboratory to find a girl laying on a table, murmuring nonsense. I thought she was sick, I mean, my mom was a doctor, she healed people so I came closer and found her with an IV with some medicine and her murmuring just how in pain she was. I told her that I would get my mom and she would help her but she gripped my arm and told me that no one can help her. I went to my mother anyway and she told me that I couldn’t talk to anyone about what I saw. I was curious though. Who was that girl. Why was she a secret. So I started coming to her and she told me. She was being experimented on, to find a cure for some new mutated disease, apparently she wasn’t the first one. She was taken from Factory Station, she had no family, both floated for stealing meds, she had a boyfriend that she missed…” all this time she wasn’t looking at him but somewhere above his shoulder so she completely missed the expression on his face until he cut in:

“When did the experiments on that girl started?” her eyes snapped at him and he was pale, the disbelief and rage flickering in his features. Clarke couldn’t understand why would it trigger such a reaction in him. The wind grew heavier and she feared that there might be a storm soon. They needed to get back to the camp.

“I’m not sure. A year ago, maybe a little earlier” she said trying to keep memories at bay, especially the ones of Gina’s relieved eyes when Clarke was injecting poison into her system. She was so focused on the weather around and the destruction it was inflicting to the lower trees around them that she completely missed Bellamy’s reaction. Before she realized, she was pinned against the tree with his hand around her neck cutting off her air supply.

“Bellamy? What are you…” his hand squeezed her neck tighter and her eyes widened at the man in front of her. She was clawing at his hands with her nails, drawing blood and trying to inhale some air but it was impossible, the burning in her chest was growing but he didn’t move an inch. His face was full of rage.

“You knew?! You knew about Gina and you did fucking nothing?!” he roared. The rain was so heavy it soaked them both to the bone but he didn’t seem to care about anything. Clarke managed to croak out:

“Gina? You knew her?” he released his hold on her neck just a little and she gasped in as much air as possible thinking that maybe he collected his thoughts. Next thing she knew was that her head was slammed into the tree hard enough for her to see black for a moment. The dull pain radiated from the back of her head but she tried to ignore it and focus on Bellamy.

“I loved her. And you fucking let her be experimented on like an animal!” He started choking her again and she coughed violently, his blood was getting under her nails and dripping down her fingers but he just kept yelling:

“You could let her escape! Hide! Anything! You are the worst of us”

His hand was squeezing tighter and tighter and she felt light-headed. The bark behind her was rough and unforgiving and her lungs seemed to scream for air. For a second she wondered if she should just die here. She certainly deserved it. That thought took  only half a second though.

She moved her hand and went for his eyes, pressing her bloody fingers into his eyeballs, careful not to use her nails. He gasped in pain and took a step back, releasing her neck and she gulped in air, coughing and putting a big distance between them.

They looked at each other breathing heavily, him still with that anger and bloodshot eyes as well as blood all around them and she probably with purple bruises all over her neck.

She wasn’t finished.

“I did something. I wasn’t locked up for just knowing her. After she begged me for months, I killed her. So you’re right I am the worst of us” her voice was hoarse and breaking but she couldn’t help it. “But you also need me to survive here.”

Bellamy wanted to kill her.

Clarke understood him enough to know that she got through to him in a way. They needed her medical knowledge. Octavia might need a doctor one day. She was necessary for the camp survival so he wouldn’t harm her. It was a ridiculous notion of course considering the bruises she had but at least she was alive.

 


	2. Earth kills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy needs to halt his anger when there are more important matters to take care of and maybe he might get some perspective as the Earth takes its toll on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Next chapter won't be as quickly as this one.  
> Warning ( and spoilers! )  
> This chapter contains: death of kids ( I mean it's the 100. )  
> Anyway, enjoy ;)  
> (Btw comments are appreciated ;) )  
> EDITED 09/07/17

“Let’s get back to camp. You need to check on your sister” she spoke as calmly as she could.

“Then move” he barked and pushed her, physically forcing her to walk.

The way back was quiet. The only exception was Clarke hissing when he bumped into her too hard. It was ridiculous, they were talking, she trusted him with her guilt and it backfired. What’s worse if the word spread out then the rest of delinquents would have her head. Bellamy was reasonable enough to understand that she was an asset. Although she was sure he was currently daydreaming about smashing her head into a rock until there was nothing but blood in his sight.

They walked for a while, the ground slippery and the curtain of rain so thick that she wasn’t sure if she was going in the right direction. Bellamy was right behind her grunting and pushing and she wanted to yell at him, to hit him, to make him see reason. Except that he had every right to feel this way and Clarke couldn’t expect anything else from him, could she?

The problem was that she tried to figure out a way to break Gina out of there. But she was always drugged. Clarke overheard from her parents that if she tried to run, she would come back quickly enough, simply because the amount of meds she was given made her a junkie. The withdrawal would be too painful for her to handle. And she didn’t want to run. She said that her parents were killed and her boyfriend had enough trouble as it was. And she just wanted someone to talk to. Clarke obliged although shyly. They became friends with the blonde coming to her every day to keep her company and bringing her pencils or some better food if she could get hands on these. Then Gina told her that she wanted to die.

“Stop fucking daydreaming and walk faster” Bellamy hissed behind her.

He was so angry.

They had something before. A moment of clarity between them. She wondered if it was gone forever. As much as she understood his reaction, eventually they would have to trust each other. They got closer to the wall and Clarke stopped abruptly, turning to face him. They could see the camp but were still behind the cover of trees giving them privacy especially with the rain.

“What” he snapped.

“They can’t know”  Clarke said harshly.

“You scared of your status Princess?” he basically spat at her.

“If they know, I will be dead. You will be without medic. I know you hate me right now and wish me the worst death imaginable. But trust me, it’s nothing worse than  what I wish for myself.” The words left her mouth almost automatically, her tone flat, emotionless.

“You want me to pity you, Princess?”

“I want you to remember that unless I will teach someone how to heal, I’m necessary” she couldn’t believe she had to say that again and again. He knew that already.

There was a dangerous glint in his eye, malicious even.

“You should teach them anyway. One day something might happen to you” he moved closer to her until there were mere inches apart and his voice went lower “An accident or an attack. We can’t be dependent on you”

Here they were, soaked to the bone and he was threatening her. They faces were so close, the tension between them so thick it could be cut with a knife. That’s what has become of their partnership.

“She told me she used to have a boyfriend. So sweet and caring and _very_ protective” Clarke thought that maybe she had a death wish after all judging by the murderous look on his face.

“Shut the fuck up, you don’t know anything” He was in her face, they weren’t touching but it only made the words more intense.

“She told me that on the very first date you were a complete nerd. You told her myths and you sneaked her into the room with the view on the Earth. She mentioned that you were so nervous that you kept messing up the smallest things but she found it adorable. You were so young” she never broke eye contact with him, not once. She also noticed the realization that Gina wasn’t just some detached subject to Clarke and he didn’t like it.

“When she asked me to kill her, I told her that her boyfriend wouldn’t want that. She  told me that she was going to meet you on the other side and she couldn’t wait any longer”

“Why the hell are you telling me this?” Bellamy growled breathing heavily.

“As I said you might hate me Bellamy and yes, I am a monster. I also lost a friend that night, so stop threatening me with death, it’s ridiculous, I would actually welcome it. But I thought that maybe I’ll try to pull my weight and repay all the bad that I inflicted. Your choice Blake, just know that you’d do me a favour”

She marched away and walked towards the gate. On the top of it was just Miller who glared at her but she just barked out for him to let her in and that Blake is not far behind her. Clarke watched some people still running around or being huddled under their tents. The hot anger rose in her chest as she walked towards the closest kids and yelled:

“Why aren’t you in the dropship?” it was hell on the outside if she said so herself. Tents were flying and the kids were huddled under some scrap of fabric that kept escaping from their hands. They would catch their deaths out here.

“They closed it when the storm got really bad. And they can’t really hear us with the wind“ the girl yelled back. She was maybe thirteen years old and was shaking so violently that Clarke was afraid that she caught a pneumonia or something already. Two kids behind her weren’t much better.

Clarke cursed under her breath and looked toward the entrance to see Bellamy talking to Miller while they walked in the direction of the dropship.

“Come with me.”

She took one the girl’s hand and motioned for them to do the same and then they ran to catch up with Miller and Bellamy. She missed the leader completely to jab Miller into the jest with her finger.

“You left fucking people outside?!” she shouted and he rolled his eyes on her. With the corner  of her eye she noticed Bellamy talking to the girls behind her and she focused on the boy in front of her.

“Everyone ran to the dropship. It was easy to notice” he snarked back and she felt fury.

Clarke pushed him hard making him take a step back as she yelled at him. Bellamy disappeared so she hoped he had taken the small group to under the roof.

“Have you fucking counted them? If these kids get sick, they might die and we’ll lose people to work. Worse, they might infect others.”  She hissed and he walked passed her pushing her on his way.

The ground was slippery and she barely caught her balance when he talked:

“They we put them down so they don’t infect others. Less mouths to feed.” She didn’t think even he believed that, not really, but hearing that was too much for her.

“If you really think so Miller, I’ll gladly see you go down with something” she said calmly and turned around to leave only to bump into Bellamy. He seemed pissed off.

“ What the fuck are you still doing here Princess, get out. Miller, you and me, round around camp to check if anyone else got left out.”

Clarke made a move to come back and check some tents herself but took one step and then was yanked back roughly. Irritated she met with Bellamy’s face. “Dropship is the other way Princess”

“I’m going to check too”

“You’re soaked to the bone and as you said. We need you. For now at least. Now be useful and get your ass to the dropship”

She must have looked like she wanted to put on a fight because he literally dragged her there by the arm. He got to the metal door and banged his fist against it loudly. “Open the fuck up. There are still people out there that need to get in”

The metal lifted enough to form a thin passage, Jackson was standing there , looking like he had no care in the world. “Well they should have get in with everyone else, it’s goddamn freezing, get the hell in, Bellamy. Where’s Miller?”

“Gathering people who you left” Clarke hissed.

His face made a grimace at the sound of her voice.

“Didn’t manage to lose the Princess?”

“Cut the bullshit and do what she says. For now at least.” Bellamy pushed her inside and went to help Miller. Clarke could see that he was angry that there were people out there with no supervision, most likely younger ones. Bellamy was many things but he was protective. This wouldn’t have happened if they haven’t left. Only when he made sure that everyone was inside, the door was shut.

The dropship might have brought them all down to the Earth but it was not meant to keep them all inside for a longer amounts of time. People were squeezed together and the new ones were soaking wet making everyone hiss and scold and it was going to get ugly by the looks on their faces.

Not to mention that these who has been too long there might be already developing an infection.

Clarke huffed a little and turned to Jackson. “I need one floor empty for these who were in the rain for too long. Top one. Make it happen” He looked over her shoulder, probably at Bellamy and gritted his teeth, going to the ladder.

It went surprisingly well and she was at the top with kids in no time. Bellamy even got them few blankets.

“We’re not done yet, Clarke.” He said quietly before making a move to leave.

“Yes, we are.”

“You’ll start teaching people tomorrow. And believe me, once they have a moment to breathe they will wonder why you were arrested. Just like I did. And you know how this is going to end”  His hand went up and stroked the bruises on her neck gently with the back of his hand in a mocking caress. She was frozen in place slightly terrified by the gesture. His eyes were emotionless as he watched the darkened flesh and she honestly preferred it when he was choking the life out of her.

She nodded and he dropped his hand and left without another word. 

Clarke turned around to the bunch of scared kids and ordered them to strip down. Were they happy about it? No. She explained that they won’t get hypothermia this way and then she managed to get them to sleep together under the blankets they got while their clothes were drying. It wasn’t perfect but it was slightly warmer, body heat working it’s magic. To Clarke’s horror though two girls were starting to cough slightly and she just prayed that it’s nothing serious.

She couldn’t sleep.

She should but Bellamy’s words kept replaying in her head _. You know how this is going to end_. Clarke wondered why did she care so much. She was ready to kill herself in that cell on the Ark, death wasn’t something scary to her then, it seemed like salvation. What she said to Bellamy, it was the truth, she was working to keep them alive because that was the right thing to do and because she was too busy to focus on her overwhelming guilt. Today was a reminder for her though. No one was going to understand, the burden was hers and once people knew, they would lash out. Even if they carried the same amount of guilt as she did.

For a moment she wondered, would it be different if he didn’t know Gina. Would he try to understand? Clarke bit down on her lip to stop herself from going down that path. The only person that wouldn’t judge her too hard was Wells. And he was murdered.

The morning came quicker than she would like. She got up and checked the temperature of the kids on her floor. She tried really hard not to look to worried when some of them were burning up but she knew that she fooled no one.

She sent these who were fine away and went down to the middle floor. Some people were groaning, some looked ready to work. She spotted Octavia sitting in the corner and walked towards her.

“Hey, you feeling okay?” the brunette looked up and gave Clarke a small smile.

“Fine. Miller’s a little down though.”

“Can you do me a favour? Find everyone who has a fever or feels generally off and send them to me upstairs.”

“Sure thing, doc.” Octavia stood up immediately and started doing rounds. She was a good kid, a rebel, yes but she had her heart in the right place. Clarke took a deep breath and went back up to the kids who had a fever to check the rest of their symptoms.

The youngest one was ten.

She was coughing violently and the blonde noticed splatters of blood that were leaving her mouth every time she had a fit. Her hair was plastered to her sweaty forehead and she murmured in her tiny voice that it hurt so much to breathe. Clarke stroked her hair and told her that she was going to be fine, that it would pass.

At least it would if she had Ark’s meds. She wanted to scream. They gave them nothing. No med kit. Nothing. How were they supposed to survive such a simple thing as cold without meds? She told the little girl, whose name she forgot. Wasn’t  that ironic? For all Clarke knew she could die in few hours and her name could be forever forgotten.

They didn’t deserve this. None of them.

The last of her patients was Miller. He sat  somewhat isolated from the rest of them and was giving her a stink eye the whole time she was touching him to see what was wrong. He had a fever and fits of cough but his eyes weren’t bloodshot and he didn’t look all that bad.

“Got your wish Princess” he hissed, his voice was a little hoarse but nothing to worry about. She was checking his neck for any kind of swelling when he said that and she pulled back to look at him unimpressed. “I’m down with whatever it is”

“Look at the youngest girl here, Miller.” She waited until he located her and then she continued “You’re going to be just fine. She? I’m not sure she’s going to make it till tomorrow. So get yourself together”

His eyes widened a little at the sight of a small body being wrecked by coughs. Her heart broke at the sight and she certainly hoped that he wished he had swallowed his words the day before.

“You can leave. Go to Monty, he’ll give you some chamomile tea. Just stay away from people today if you feel worse, come back, we clear?”

She dismissed about seven other people with the same instructions but she was still left with about twenty who were in way worse condition. She did what she could.

Monty kept brining her hot chamomile to break down the fever and she tried to keep them hydrated but there wasn’t much she could do for the coughing fits. Technically there were herbs that could help but they haven’t seen them anywhere.

Most of her time she spent with the youngest ones. Telling them stories and trying to calm them when they started crying because they were scared to die. Clarke kept telling them that it just took longer but they would heal. She didn’t think anyone believed her anymore. Two more people broke the fever by the evening.

Few hours into the night most of the sick ones fell asleep and she learned the youngest one’s name once again. It was Maisie. She was laying on her side with Clarke rubbing her back, she wanted to soothe her to sleep. 

“Do you think my parents are waiting for me?” her voice was so weak it was a wonder she managed that sentence.

Clarke tried really hard not to cry when she answered: “I think that they do”

“I miss them” she whispered and fell asleep.

Clarke felt the tear spilling down her cheek. Moment later there was a sound of the door being open and Bellamy’s head appeared.

“How are they?”

“Bad. I hope they will get better but I really can’t do much more with our resources here”

Bellamy clenched his jaw at the part with the resources. He knew as well as she did that at the Ark they would be as good as new in two days.

“And you?” She frowned at him.  She was shot up with meds on the Ark and wasn’t starved as the kids here, she felt sick but it wouldn’t last.

“I’ll be fine in a day or two. I’m not leaving this place though so your teaching plan will have to wait”

“Don’t worry about it right now. Just be careful not get worse.” He said and left.

He was civil with her, that’s an improvement. She supposed that she couldn’t ask for anything better and she wondered how it would be once the sickness has passed.

Next day she woke up to the sound of violent coughing. She got up immediately and saw Karen spluttering blood on the floor. Clarke went to her and rubbed her back, trying to calm her down at least because really, there was nothing to be done. She pulled the girl, who was twelve maybe, on her side and waited.

When the coughing stop she went really still and Clarke pulled her a little to look at her, check her fever but the only thing she was met with were her blank eyes. Feeling the cold sweat on her neck, Clarke gently touched girl’s pulse and then the dread settled inside her. First victim.

She closed her eyes gently with her fingers and looked around. There were kids watching her, all scared and wide-eyed. Some people were still laying down and not moving. Clarke walked to everyone, checking their symptoms. Few of them had died in their sleep. Maisie was among them. She supposed it was better than dying like Karen, scared and choking on her own blood. When she was done, there were five bodies. She got Miller to take them away, to bury them.

It was a nightmare.

Everyone was afraid, she needed to take care of them and on top of that she felt worse with every passing day. Few more people got better and were send away but she still needed to watch dying kids. By the end of the fourth day she had been awake for hours and hours just so no one had to die alone because that’s what they were doing now. Waiting for death.

By the end of the fifth day it was over.

Eleven bodies total. The rest was fine. And then there was Clarke scrubbing the floor from blood. She asked Monty and Jasper for moonshine so she can sterilize the floor at least partially but it wouldn’t do much good if the floor was all bloodied.

The room was stinking of death and it was suffocating but she couldn’t leave it. There was no one else to do it. So here she was, still coughing, on her knees with the soaked rug trying to get the blood off.

“It smells like death in here” she jumped a little at the voice, she must have been really lost in thought if she hadn’t heard the heavy door opening. She looked up at Bellamy standing there with a bucket of sharply smelling liquid. Moonshine.

“I wonder why” she didn’t have energy to even snap at him.

He tilted his head and put down the bucket. “You look half-dead.”

Her eyes were burning. Her throat was sore and all she wanted was to leave this goddamn floor. “Well, someone had to stay with the dying, now leave the alcohol and get out”

He left the bucket and came closer to her, forcefully grabbing her chin and making her look at him. She was on her knees in front of him, waiting for whatever it was he wanted. She tried to get away at first but she wasn’t exactly stronger than him so she just endured. Bellamy was watching her face, examining her. And she probably looked bad, with her flushed cheeks and probably bloodshot eyes.

“Get some sleep.” He said irritated  “I’ll send someone to sterilize the floor.” 

“I can do it”

“I want you up and going tomorrow, so rest while you can, heal and back to the living Princess” he released her chin and stared her down until she huffed and stood up, walking towards the door.

They barely left the dropship when she said “We need to talk about people I will be teaching. Who we can take away from normal duties to follow me around”

If it was possible, Bellamy looked even more irritated. “I just told you to go and sleep”

“People need to learn, if we decide today then I can start tomorrow.” Why was he opposed to that.

“Clarke…”

“What?”

Bellamy sighed loudly and gestured for her to follow him. They walked through the camp that was a disaster. It looked like the first days on Earth, everything was destroyed and then just barely put together. She also noticed that it was getting dark, most of the people was sitting by the fire already, only few left working with the food. They seemed alright but then again, she basically didn’t leave the dropship for days.

They went to his tent. It seemed to be smaller than she remembered, he still had something resembling an actual bed and it looked so good that she wished she could have one herself. After the rain she doubted if she even had her own tent. 

“Why am I here?” she snapped, some of her energy returning at the thought that the sick wave was done and she could come back to the ‘living’ as Bellamy put it.

“Do you even know how long have you been in that dropship?” he asked carefully.

“About five days, why does it matter?”

“There were three attempts to kill you and the sick.” He said casually sitting down on his very comfortable looking bed.

Clarke would like to say that she was surprised but really she expected nothing less from them all. Of course it was reasonable, killing the sickness at its source so it wouldn’t spread.

“Am I supposed to thank someone? What do you want from me Bellamy?”

“I told them that if anyone tries to harm you or the kids is going to pay. Mainly because you’re the only doctor we have.” He said lazily. When there was no reaction from Clarke, he continued:

“They want your head even now, they saw the opportunity. Not to mention that the question was asked today. ‘what did she do to be here’ As I told you it would”

Clarke paled a little. That was fast.

“Well? Do they know?” she wished her voice was stronger. No such luck.

“Don’t be stupid. They would kill you the second you left the dropship if they knew.” He scowled.

“So what? We’re back to you threatening me? Because I meant what I said, I’m really not afraid of you”

He laughed. Clarke was getting a whiplash from how fast his emotions were changing. He stood up and walked these three steps to her. She refused to back out again which resulted in them standing with almost no space between them. “Yes, you are.”

Her breath was shallow and she dreamed about a break from all the tension of the last days.

“What exactly do you want? Eternal obedience? Not gonna happen, Bellamy”

“I’m going to have your back, Princess. Publicly. So they know if they harm you, they’re going to answer to me. It won’t stop them, not completely. But you will be at least partially protected.” He said calmly.

Yes, she was going to get a whiplash.

“You were ready to kill me in that forest. I’m supposed to believe you suddenly had a change of heart?”

He chuckled again and he was so close she could see freckles on his nose. “Not so sudden. It took me five days”

“I still don’t believe you”

“I was angry and shocked. I’m not going to apologize for that. But I realized that she befriended you. I still think that I could get her out but I believe that you genuinely thought there wasn’t a way.” there was nothing tender in his words it was said almost impatiently and it was enough. She nodded stiffly. “And you were right. We need a doctor”

“Also, I think someone stole your tent so sleep here and back to goddamn work tomorrow, Princess” he said going to exit the tent.

“I’m not sleeping with you” she threw out. “And we were supposed to talk about who should I teach!”

“Raincheck on that and please, I’m going to spend the night in nicer company” He smirked and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, you can find me on tumblr:  
> [stainhermouthred](http://stainhermouthred.tumblr.com/)


	3. Peace offering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke makes a promise to Bellamy but when Finn's interferes she is left with no choice but to follow through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovely people!  
> Few words of explanation:  
> \- there are words here that are said in anger and were supposed to hurt and threaten one person. That does not mean that they are true. These are words and words are wind.  
> -Finn appears! and is an irritating little shit.  
> -Also there are other characters including Octavia and Raven here and while I love both girls to pieces I don't like writing them, they are probably ooc.  
> -There is not much going on, the argument between Clarke and Bellamy was really long so I split it in two chapters (btw second part will end up in bed sharing if anyone needs encouragement to keep reading :3 )  
> -Also I know that it's short but I actually have an idea on what should be in each chapter so making them longer would be stupid and not balanced and just bad.  
> Anyway, enjoy while I have free time, once uni is back the breaks between chapters are going to be longer.

 

He left her in the tent and once she didn’t have to keep her guard up and relaxed, she finally felt just how exhausted she was. Apparently Bellamy decided that she wasn’t his enemy and while she felt relief, there was also sadness inside her.  He didn’t forgive her, he had no reason to do that but she deserved his anger, that punishment of sorts and he was denying her that.

She wondered once again if she really had a death wish. It would be so simple, to tell them all and just die. She told Bellamy that she worked so hard to repay all the bad. It was true, for that she needed to be alive. Clarke wished that Wells was here or even Gina to tell her what to do.

Her eyes wandered to the bed, looking comfortable and actually warm, she hasn’t felt warm in weeks, and her eyelids got really heave, falling almost involuntarily. Sighing, she sat down on the bed and unlaced her shoes, the relief was amazing and she was tempted to take off her pants too but she was in Bellamy’s tent, it might not be such a great idea. She was basically half asleep while she slipped under the furs and groaned at how good it felt after days of sleeping in the dropship.

She woke up to rustling of a paper, subtle but there and tensed up, her eyes still shut.

“Ease up, Princess.”

Clarke opened one eye to see Bellamy in the centre of the tent going through some papers that looked like maps and schedules. He didn’t look like he slept much at night and it was definitely not her business but he also seemed really tense and she was curious.

“Rough night?” she quipped yawning again.

“Well, someone took my bed. You can sleep for about an hour or so then I’m kicking you out” he answered.

“What are you doing?” she asked sitting up a little.

“Trying to think of an actual shelter. And who can figure out how to build something stable. These sticks and branches are shit and tents are useless against the harsher weather. We need something.”

“You mean actual houses?”

“I mean community house, something. There is winter in the climate Clarke, we need a lot of stuff.”

“Hey, I get it” she said raising her hands in peace. “But there are grounders to think about too”

“You think I don’t know that?!” he snapped and she forced herself  not to move at his outburst. He ran his hand over his face. “Octavia sneaked out to see that grounder. I tried to keep her guarded but she found a way, I’m afraid that they might just take her hostage again. Or worse.” Clarke bit down on her lower lip, thinking about it.

“He cares about her though. I mean, he saved her life”

“That doesn’t prove anything” he grunted.

“Octavia said he saved her life once. Then he saved her when she poisoned herself. Maybe it’s something that can be beneficial to us” She regretted what she said before the last word left her mouth.

Suddenly Bellamy was standing above her, his whole posture reflecting his rage as he was glaring at her “If you think for one second that we’ll use my sister a bargaining chip, you’ve got something else coming, Princess” he spat out. She sat straight and didn’t look away for a second when she was answering.

“You know it’s a good idea. We can’t be at war, Bellamy. We have no weapons, we’re dying from cold for fuck’s sake” She tried keeping her voice even but it was doing nothing to calm him.

“Do whatever you want. Just forget that you’ll use Octavia”

“Then who do you think should go and try to contact that man? Me? I’m sure he has enough of poison to repay me for what we did”

“As I said. I don’t care what you’ll do, Princess. Leave my sister out of it”

“Octavia will agree with me” Clarke hissed.

Bellamy bend down and grabbed her chin with his fingers, keeping her head in place as he spoke softly: “I meant what I said about backing you up so you’d survive, Clarke. But there are other things that can be done. If you talk to Octavia about this idea, you’ll find out just how loyal these people are to me.”

Clarke jerked her head back. “If we don’t do something, there won’t be a lot of people left for you to threaten.”

“It’s just a warning, Princess” he scowled at her and got  back to his plans. Clarke physically bit her tongue not to pick another fight. They had their responsibilities, she needed to get going. Check on Finn and others who were recovering from the last illness.

She put her shoes while Bellamy ignored her completely and left his tent, feeling more rested that she did in ages. The camp was slowly rousing to life and she went as quietly as she could to Finn and Raven’s tent.

“You’re awake?” she called when she was close enough.

“What do you want Clarke?” called Raven sounding irritated.

“Check on Finn’s wound”

She could hear rustling of clothes and huffs coming from inside before they told her to come on in. She uncovered the flap of the tent and saw flushed Finn and very confidently looking Raven who was rearranging her shirt and really she wondered if  she should mention that sex is in fact over-tiring the body that Finn should avoid but decided against it.

“How are you feeling” she asked Finn instead and got fully into the small tent. He was leaning back, smiling at her with that dreamy eyes that she once fell for but now it was just making her cringe seeing as his own girlfriend was night there, next to him and she was pretty sure that his hands were on Raven’s skin just minutes ago. Speaking of Raven, Clarke was aware that she really tried not to hate her but it was kind of difficult since Finn cheated on her with the blonde. Things were basically still awkward between them.

“I’m okay. It’s just a scrape.” He sent her a blinding smile and while Raven tensed next to him, Clarke really wanted to punch him.

“Come on, I need to see the wound. You were changing his bandages frequently, right?” she asked Raven, pulling Finn’s shirt up reluctantly just enough to see that gash and that gave her excuse not to look at his face that was gazing at her like she was his goddamn sun.

“I do, yeah. It doesn’t seem that bad but then again, you tell us doc” the mechanic actually smiled at her and Clarke felt something warm inside her at that. Especially after she could see Raven’s eyes slip to her neck and something that looked suspiciously like concern appear on her features.

She peeled the gauze off and watched the red gash, it seemed that it stopped being purulent which was a relief but there were still copious amounts of fluid leaving it but beside that the blood clot was almost all over the cut so he should be up and running soon.

“You’ll be okay. I guess you can walk and do stuff just no straining yourself. Raven, make sure he’s not opening it again” she told the brunette and got a smirk from her.

“Sure thing, doc”

“Yeah, thanks for the pass, Princess” said Finn and Clarke didn’t spare him another glance afraid of the look on his face.

She left the tent and turned to the dropship ready to face the day. Despite what she thought would be a really difficult day, it turned out to be pretty low-key to the point where she ended up helping in the smokehouse, it was probably the worst of the activities beside the actual building but it was important. Meat done that way could last longer but smokehouse was hot and by the end of the day she was smelling like meat and smoke and never wanted to eat meat in her life though it wasn’t really realistic.

She left the smokehouse when the sun was setting slightly annoyed but otherwise just happy that the day was over and walked around trying to find something that she could use as a tent because turns out Bellamy was right and someone stole her shit.

When there was nothing that would be right for that purpose she walked in the direction of Harper and Monroe’s tent, ready to beg to bunk with them. Unfortunately for her before she could even reach girls’ tent she was stopped by Finn calling her name. Suddenly she wished she could be by the river again with quiet Bellamy, despite the fact how that trip ended. At least she got a small break. Not anymore.

Clarke turned to look at Finn who basically ran towards her. “I said you could move around but no straining yourself, why are you ignoring my instructions” she scowled at him but was curious, looking at his excited expression and despite the previous intention to just walk past him was replaced by curiosity.

“You need to come with me” he said in a hushed voice, grabbing her wrist.

Clarke had just about enough of people touching her just because they could. “Where?” she asked in a clipped tone and try to pull her hand away. Clarke wasn’t sure why did he even bother with modulating his voice since their body language wasn’t subtle and they were drawing attention of people around her. Hell, she would see Bellamy walking out of his tent to see what caused the commotion.

“I’ll explain on the way. Come on. We need to hurry, it’s important.”

She considered it for half a second but when she saw Bellamy raising his eyebrows at her as if asking if he needed to get there, she just shook her head slightly and let Finn lead her out of the camp.

When they were about five minutes from the count she asked again: “Where are you taking me, Finn”

“Shh, we’re going to meet Octavia and Lincoln in about ten minutes”

Suddenly the fact that he was holding her hand wasn’t as irritating as she realized two things: the grounder could kill her on the spot, he was fast enough, Octavia might not stop him, she was as angry at Clarke as she was at her own brother. And the second one: Bellamy was going to blame her for that.

It was dark and it the woods the sight was limited to the point when she wondered if Finn was absolutely sure where he was going or were they just lost by now but she was silent, walking and walking until finally there was a flicker or light in the distance and her  first instinct was to slow down and be careful but he wasn’t like her. He actually sped up, smile on his face and for a second she thought that no wonder he got hit. He’s not like Bellamy and her. He didn’t think about every bad scenario there was instead he saw hope. Somehow Clarke thought that it was going to kill him sooner rather than later.

Fortunately for them the flickering light was indeed Octavia, standing really close to the grounder whose torture Clarke has allowed. Girl was fifteen, maybe sixteen but was braver than many older people Clarke knew and while she hadn’t spare her too much thought before now she was well aware of younger Blake as an asset. Although between the four of them, she was focused on the grounder. Lincoln, that’s how Finn called him.

He was tall, Clarke noticed that before but now when he was standing next to tiny Octavia it was even more apparent. He was handsome although his face was obscured by bruises that Bellamy gave him and Clarke knew that he was probably in pain but he stood straight, in his grounder attire and with a blade in his hand. She noticed with the corner of her eye  that one hand was  resting on Octavia lower back almost protectively but that was just side notion. He was looking straight at her like she was the immediate danger out of the three of the sky people and maybe he was right. What was she supposed to say? That she was sorry? It was a lie and he would know.

For a second she wondered if she was a price for peace for their people. Kill one of the abductors and get a truce. And Octavia couldn’t very well choose Bellamy. Clarke cursed herself for not taking her knife, Finn took her by surprise and she was defenceless.

“Clarke, Lincoln said that he might arrange us a meeting with the leader of his clan.” Clarke wondered again if Finn was completely unaware of tension around him, nevertheless she looked at the boy next to her and asked:

“And we trust Lincoln not to lead us into a trap? I know you were dying at the moment but I’m sure someone told you what we did to save you” It was more elaborate sentence that was necessary but she needed the grounder to hear why they did it again.

“Clarke, he wants peace. No one knows what happened. Just meet his leader.” Octavia said calmly.

“Why do you want peace?” Clarke asked Lincoln because the guy should hate all of them with passion.

He looked at her like she was really stupid for a second before moving his eyes to Octavia. “Her.”

“You could probably buy immunity for Octavia, why try to make peace with all of us?”

“She cares about you. I don’t want her to suffer.” His voice was nice, deep and just pleasant and he did save Octavia twice. He cared about her.

Clarke thought for a second, they need to live with these people, sooner or later they needed a truce and she gave the same idea to Bellamy in the morning… “Bellamy needs to know about it” she said saw Octavia grimace. “Octavia, they would probably want to meet with the leader.”

“And they will.” Said younger girl fiercely. “You. Bellamy is too angry to do it, he’d lash out and ruin it. Besides, they said that they want you” well that was a surprise.

“I need to meet with him anyway” something twisted inside her at the thought of that meeting but she needed to do it.

Octavia looked like she had eaten something sour but she knew it needed to be done. “He’s not going to be happy about it.”

“He needs to deal with it” Clarke said and looked at Lincoln, again wondering if she should say something like ‘sorry for mutilating your body, had to be done’ but decided against it “Octavia should come with me. Bellamy is going to be pissed and I don’t need it to be because of his little sister” She could almost hear ‘screw you Clarke’  coming from Octavia but ignored it. “Set up a meeting.”

“Tomorrow at noon. On the bridge” Lincoln said and Clarke nodded at the same time hearing enthusiastic “We will be there” from Finn and she really wanted to punch him. They took few steps back, letting Octavia say her goodbye and honestly she wished Finn wouldn’t tell Bellamy how she was looking at Lincoln.

Finn fucking Colling wouldn’t shut up all the way back about the possibilities and while Clarke ignored him Octavia  finally snapped: “They just want to meet. They might as well kill Clarke on the spot if they decide it’s beneficial, it’s not a fucking win yet”

“They’re not going to kill her, come on, we want peace”

Octavia gave him a smile that was full of teeth and Clarke thought that it might have been the scariest look she had seen on the girl so far. “Well they might want to decorate their fences with our heads”

The rest of the walk was uneventful everyone lost in their thoughts. It took them half an hour to go to the gate and Clarke could see Bellamy and Miller glaring at them from the top already.

“O, you okay?” called Bellamy.

“Fine.” The girl said and marched inside not sparing him a second glance, she might have understood why they came back but that didn’t mean she had forgiven him. Clarke shook her head a little at that but then Bellamy focused on her. “Clarke, my tent”

The blonde gritted her teeth but walked past the gate and in the direction of his tent without a word. She kind of wished she could have this conversation later but then again… it was better if she got it done and over with before he heard it from Raven or anyone else.

She was so focused on finding the fastest way to convince Bellamy and then go the hell to sleep that she forgot that Finn was right behind her. When their leader finally caught up with her just in front of his tent, she heard his growl: “Just the Princess, get lost Spacewalker”

“You serious? Octavia and we just set up a meeting with the Grounders and you want to talk only with Clarke?”

“You did what?” Bellamy hissed and she looked at him sure that he was looking at Finn but no, his eyes were on her face, the anger in them apparent. That wasn’t going to be pleasant. “Finn. Leave.”

“But Clarke…” the boy was protesting and Bellamy backed her:

“You heard the Princess. Out”

Finn kept murmuring curses under his breath but walked away probably remembering that he did have a girlfriend to go back to while Bellamy was focused on Clarke, he was definitely mad but also seemed like he couldn’t quite believe her. “Inside”

He waited for her to go first and she wasn’t sure if it was chivalry or was he just making sure she wouldn’t run away, both possibilities were stupid, she went inside with her head high and braced herself for an immediate fight though. Bellamy took his time though, walking after her and then taking special care to close the flaps of his tent. She watched his back, his movements very deliberate as he was trying really hard not to snap. Knowing her luck it was a futile effort anyway.

Against her better judgement she started fidgeting when he finally turned to her there was still that anger in his eyes as he stalked towards her slowly. “Do you remember our talk? It was just this morning, your memory can’t be that bad” his voice wasn’t even strained it was really calm and even.

“It’s not what you think” she said just as evenly. He came really close to her and she would like some more distance, this right now was the distance he used to threaten her and she didn’t have time for this. “Finn…”

“I don’t give a fuck about Spacewalker!” he roared and she flinched away clenching her jaw. “Didn’t I tell you that you would regret using my sister in your fucked up ideas?” Clarke glared at him.

“I’m trying to explain it to you. It wasn’t me! And that doesn’t even matter, it’s done, we need a goddamn plan!” She yelled at him and he scowled at her. He was centimetres from her panting with rage and his hand landed on her hip and gripped her painfully. “We’ll see how it won’t matter when your life here is a living hell. Maybe I’ll let some of the delinquents do some fucked up shit  they were dreaming about, your night with Spacewalker will be just a distance memory after they are through” His eyes were dark and menacing and his hand was bruising her flesh. Her face darkened as she looked at him:

“I don’t have time for your tantrum, Bellamy. Get your head out of your ass and when you are ready I will tell you everything” She said lowly before pushing him hard and walking past him, the display only making her angry.

“You’re  not going anywhere until you tell me everything” he said but didn’t move.

“You’re not listening so why would I fucking bother?” She was fuming one of her hands clenched in the fist and looking at him like she wanted to murder him.

“I mean it, Clarke. Don’t make me angrier” He wasn’t exactly calm, it was a very controlled fury. He stepped closer to her but she snapped at him. “Don’t fucking come any closer. If it was up to Octavia, you wouldn’t have known shit so just listen”

Although they were further away than before the tension seemed to grow thicker both of them strung up and looking at each other warily. Bellamy was breathing slowly but heavily and Clarke felt her heart pounding as they stared. Her skin was flushed with anger and her fingers were itching to do something to release the tension but she tried:

“Finn said he had something important to show me.” She said slowly. “I didn’t know until we were half-way that we were meeting Lincoln and Octavia” she watched Bellamy carefully, seeing confusion and pain appear on his feature.

“Lincoln?”

“The Grounder we captured.”

“Octavia was with him earlier? You want me to believe that?” he started to get angry again but it was weaker.

“Are you that dumb? She sneaked out to see him before, why wouldn’t she do it again?” Clarke snapped, annoyed at being interrupted. “We met up and I found out that the grounder’s leader wanted to meet. Tomorrow at noon on the bridge.”

Bellamy ran a hand over his face visibly frustrated and when he looked at her again she felt that his anger was faltering. “And you want what? For me to walk right into a trap? Because that’s what it is Princess. That grounder, we tortured him, he wants us dead I guarantee you.” His voice was rough and his face disbelieving.

“Don’t you think that I asked him about this?” Clarke hissed.

“Oh, I’m sure he would never lie to you!” he raised his voice again and she felt her blood boiling in her veins, he was such a stubborn asshole, not letting her explain.

“He doesn’t give a damn about us” She explained, taking a step closer, not getting intimidated but his scowl. “But you didn’t see the way he was with Octavia” Bellamy huffed at that sending her a glare “Look, it’s a leap of faith, I know. But he cares about her and wouldn’t want her to suffer. Your death would cause her pain, Bellamy”

“You’re really naïve, Clarke.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, leave kudos if you enjoyed, comment what you think and you can find me on tumblr : 
> 
> [stainhermouthred](http://stainhermouthred.tumblr.com/)  
> :)


	4. Grounder princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke meets the Grounder's leader trying to stop the war that threatens their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I just finished writing a hell-ishly long chapter 5, so here we go, chapter 4 is up!  
> This is following the tv series more than I thought it would (even though I switch up some events) to be honest, that was not the plan :D  
> We'll see where it goes from here, the basic plot points stay the same for now.  
> Anyway enjoy the chapter and comment what you think ;)

CHAPTER 4

Clarke swallowed hard praying for patience before she moved towards him and put her hand on his back to stop his pacing. He tensed underneath her hand for a moment before relaxing. His skin was radiating heat through his T-shirt as she moved closer and moved her hand to his shoulder slowly and he took a hint turning around. The angry tension between them seemed to die down and instead there was a desperation for answers, for safe solutions.

His face was worried and his eyes searched hers almost immediately, looking for hope or explanation to the mess that became of their lives, she was sure that her face reflected these emotions. People were counting on him, some were also counting on her and it was hard.

“How we handle that meeting tomorrow… These are not only our lives but also our people’s. Not going means war. If we go, there’s hope.” Clarke said slowly uncertainty lacing her voice.

“Or  it can be a trap and not going there will save few lives.” said Bellamy in a whisper his hand ghosting over her wrist.

“There’s something else” She murmured not breaking eye-contact, his face seemed like he was bracing for a blow. “Their leader wants to meet me and not you” She bit down on her lower lip, her entire form tensing, waiting for an outburst that was bound to happen because that’s who he was.

He frowned for a moment. “Doesn’t matter. I’m going anyway.”

Clarke grabbed a hand that was ghosting over her wrist and held it firmly. “No.”

“You don’t give me orders, Princess”

“Someone has to stay behind to lead these people, and you said so yourself while you were threatening me with violent rape, are loyal to you. More than to me.” He winced when she mentioned his words but she wasn’t going to make any excuses to him. “And the grounders want to meet me. If I don’t come back, then you’d know it was a trap and you can leave. So you are not going.”

“Did you miss the part when I was backing you up because you’re our only doctor?” he asked and moved his hand so he could grip her wrist as well.

“We don’t have choice”

“Like hell we don’t”

“No, there is no solution to this, Bellamy. It’s hard and it’s a choice between a bad thing and something worse but we have to make it work” Her voice was final and she could see that he agreed with her but there was something more in his eyes, the same intensity as before when they were talking about torturing Lincoln.

“Clarke” her name rolled off his tongue with an ease and his grip on her hand lightened. “If they take you, they could torture you just like we did with Lincoln.” His fingers started stroking her skin as he continued “We beat him. We whipped him. We electrocuted him. We stabbed him.” Something turned in her stomach at his words and she wondered why the hell was he trying to scare her away at the same time his fingers were tracing soothing patterns on her skin.

“Bellamy, we…” she started but he continued as if she never talked.

“They will hurt you. Your blood  will be on their hands, your bones broken, they will feed on your pain.”

Clarke shivered and closed her eyes. “If  that happens, it’s what I deserve anyway.” She opened her eyes and found his again. “Let’s hope we can get a truce.”

Bellamy looked at her strangely and for a second she wished that he said that she didn’t deserve it. That it had to be done. But that’s all it was, useless wishing.

“I’ll give Miller my gun. He’s going to be your back up. Get any deal that doesn’t end with us at war. As you said, we’re not prepared”

Clarke nodded and tried to withdrew her hand but he wouldn’t let her.

“Where are you sleeping?”

“I don’t know… at Harper and Monroe’s if they have me?”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “I need to talk to Miller. Sleep.”

“I can’t just take your bed again, don’t be ridiculous”

“Take the damn bed, Clarke.”

Clarke scrunched her nose but went to his bed regardless. “And you’re going to do what, have sex with a girl so she would let you stay the night?”

“I don’t need a reason to have sex with someone, Princess” he smirked at her. “I’m sleeping here so when I’m back you better not hog all the blankets”

Bellamy left the tent before she had a chance to say anything back.

She was half angry and half grateful that he did that. She really wasn’t looking forward to asking people who didn’t even like her if she could sleep with them and with Bellamy the situation although not exactly comfortable for her was quite clear. He needed her, she needed him, there was partnership there.

Then there was the meeting tomorrow. She insisted and it had to be done but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t afraid. The only one who was really optimistic about it was Finn, she knew that the reality could be much worse, more similar to the picture Bellamy painted in her mind  with torturing her in exchange for Lincoln’s suffering. Had to be done though.

She unlaced her boots slowly before taking them off and she crawled into the ‘bed’. It still smelled like her from last night and she found it comforting. The pillow was some bunched up material that reminded her distinctly of Bellamy if she inhaled deeply and she nuzzled into it, trying to fall asleep as fast as possible. She covered herself with the fur, he was one of the few people who had one mostly because he was the only one at a time who could kill bigger animals and therefore it was his privilege. It wasn’t perfect, it smelled but it was warm and that’s all that mattered.

Clarke was tossing and turning still when Bellamy came back. “Can’t sleep?”

“It’s probably the bed, my mind couldn’t stand the thought that you would sleep here.” She answered lazily, trying to shut her brain up.

“It’s just sleeping, Princess, don’t get all excited” he grumbled and walked closer before laying down next to her on his back. There was some distance between them but not enough and from her position on her side she could watch his profile. “How are you feeling?”  he asked softly turning his head in her direction.

He looked really tired like he could fall asleep any second now, she almost envied him that. “Great, I can’t wait to meet people who killed few of our own” she said with sarcasm dripping from every word and noticed the corner of his mouth twitching.

“Miller will protect you. I’m not taking any chances tomorrow, you’re going to come back to us alive.” His eyes closed for a moment before he continues. “I meant your health. You looked really sick yesterday, you seem to be fine now, I want to know, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine” she whispered still watching him.

“Are you afraid?”  His focus was solely on her and she wished she could tell him that yes, she was scared to go.

“It has to be done.” She said simply.

“That’s not the answer to my question, Clarke.”

“Well that’s the one you’re getting” there wasn’t any malice or even snark in her voice, just calmness.

He looked like he wanted to fight her but gave up after a second thought. “Get some sleep. And try not to cause a war tomorrow” he said before turning around to lay with his back to her. She settled more comfortably beside him, with her back to him as well and pulled the furs to her chin keeping the chill away and relaxed.

 

Clarke woke up feeling warm, way too warm. She tried kicking off the furs but realized they weren’t the source of the heat but the body next to hers was. They weren’t tangled in some lover’s parody embrace they were just laying right next to each other, he on his back and she on her side and he was so hot it was ridiculous. Clarke moved away without a word and left his tent in a hurry not looking back to see if he woke up.

No one was awake at the camp and Clarke took a good look at what changed there the day before, there was a space isolated with something that looked like fundaments starting. She smiled at that, Bellamy wasn’t kidding, they tried to make some actual building, she hoped it would work out fine.

Walking around the camp wasn’t all that time consuming and she managed to talk herself into anxiety before she, Miller and as it turns out Jasper and Octavia. Bellamy was pissed when Octavia said that yes she was going or they weren’t going to talk to Clarke but the blonde suspected that it had more to do with the fact that Lincoln would be with them. She really didn’t mind, he would protect her, she wasn’t worried about younger Blake.

Lincoln and Octavia were walking first, leading the way and taking quietly, far too close for people who were supposed to be enemies. Clarke was at some distance from them with Miller and Jasper on both sides of her. She saw Miller glaring at the couple in front of them and said:

“It’s good that he cares for her. She has someone that doesn’t remind her of the Ark. We have some hope for peace.” She said in a quiet voice, careful so Octavia wouldn’t hear her.

“She’s with the enemy” he hissed, his face still sporting the scowl.

“They might not be if we play our cards right today” said Clarke calmly and Miller huffed out a bitter laugh.

“Yes, I know, our lives in the hands of the Princess.” He snarled.

Clarke straightened her back and put as much authority in her voice as she could: “Yes. Bellamy, trusts me to do it right. He would go himself if he didn’t believe it. You should remember that.”

“Don’t be so sure of yourself. He told me that they asked for you and that’s why you’re the one who’s going to talk” He looked at her curiously waiting for her response.

“Are you honestly telling me that Bellamy wouldn’t come if he decided that it was better for us? Come on, Miller. How well do you know Blake?” she raised her eyebrow at him her tone still cold.

He didn’t answer her and she felt that childish satisfaction at winning an argument. It was unnecessary but it took her mind from the anxiety for a moment and soon enough they arrived.

The grounders were already there. From what she could see there were about twenty of them in the back. All armed with spears in their hands and some of them with bows. She could be killed in seconds. She, Octavia and Jasper. They agreed that Miller would stay hidden in the trees but what good he was  if there was so much more of the grounders. At the front there was a tall woman with black war paint on her face and an armor of sorts. And a sword. A big sword on her back.

Nevertheless they moved closer, Jasper really nervous next to her and it was visible and Octavia, stone cold, Clarke envied the girl. When they reached the bridge Lincoln turned to the blonde:

“The meeting is one to one. Only you go.” He was just as calm as Octavia.

“Alright. Any advice?”

“Don’t promise anything that you can’t follow through”

Clarke nodded and saw that the leader of the Grounders walked on the bridge and she did the same. Her heart was pounding way too quickly but what was she supposed to do, she kept walking.

The closer they got to each other the clearer she saw the leader. Her face was long and had sharp angles, her lips thin and her eyes small. Her body was tall and strong, she was a warrior Clarke noticed and then she realized that her face wasn’t stoic as she expected, no, it looked mildly disgusted as she looked at the blonde.

“You’re the leader of Skikru” she started, her voice deep and full of aversion.

“Clarke” she said trying to sound as neutral as possible.

“I’m Anya but it hardly matters.” she was studying Clarke and girl did everything in her power not to look frightened. “We saw you fell out of the sky. Why are you here?”

“Look, we were living in space for over hundred years, we were send here to see if the ground was survivable. We had no idea there were people who were still alive” she was honest wishing it would help.

“So you decided to send missiles into the innocent village? To make sure you’re the only one left?” Anya spat out and Clarke froze.

“What are you talking about?” she asked slowly sure that they did nothing of that sort.

“Few days ago, the rockets were send and it burned half the village to the ground. Lincoln convinced me not  to kill you all on the spot today but I might change my mind.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “We didn’t know it would happen! Those weren’t missiles, they were supposed to be flares to let the Ark in space know that they could come down and join us!” she said hurriedly.

“It was an act of war” said Anya sternly.

“Not if we didn’t know that it would happen. We really expected it to fall down and not hurt anything or anyone, to finish burning down in the sky. Anya, we don’t want war with your kind. Besides, if our people come and they will, they have technology that will make us a dangerous enemy.”

“If you think that you will overpower my tribe” Anya bared her teeth.

“I didn’t say that” said Clarke quickly. “I said that they might do considerate damage even if they lose. I also said that we want peace, I’m asking you for a truce, to coexist in peace.”

“And what guarantee do I have that these people who come from the sky after you will not want war?”

Clarke could feel cold sweat appear on her forehead, knowing the Ark they would do something reckless and ridiculous. She opted for the version that sounded the most realistic.

“If they come they have to obey the rules that we agreed on. If not they are not part of us and therefore our alliance. We care about staying alive, if they think they are too good for this then we as an alliance will deal with them together.” Said Clarke and watched as Anya smiled at her. It was not a nice smile.

“You expect me to believe that you would turn your back on your own people.” She asked and there was a hint of laugh in her voice.

“They would be turning their back on us. I’m doing what I think will help us survive, Anya. I’m sure you can understand the sentiment as a leader yourself.”

Anya tilted her head, wondering for a moment.

“If you want a truce, you have to make amends for the village you burnt”

Clarke looked at her hopefully and asked: “What do you suggest?”

“I’ve been told that you’re a medic.” Started Anya. “I want you to come to my village. I’ve heard what you did to that boy who was stabbed, I want you to teach my people what you know. You would have to live there for a few weeks.” Anya had a smile that was full of teeth and Clarke could hear Bellamy yelling that she was the only doctor they had.

“I’m the only medic they have.” stated Clarke. “There has to be something else that you want, I can’t leave them without  a doctor and you know it.” Her words were desperate but she needed to get a point across.

“You are a leader and a medic. It’s appropriate that we take you from your people so the truce can be sure. If your people do something that seems like the act of war, you’re dead” Clarke’s heart was beating harder and harder.

“Look I understand. And I would agree immediately but there is no one there with medical training. I can’t left them completely vulnerable.” She shouldn’t have said that. Anya could as well kill her right now and situation would be worse. 

“We can give you Lincoln in exchange. He’s a healer and he’s already… _familiar_ with some of your people” she gave Clarke a dirty look. “He can teach your people something as well. It’s a good deal Clarke of Sky People.”

“If I do this… then we have a truce?”

“Then we have a truce.” Anya nodded.

Clarke bit her lower lip thinking. It was really the best she could do. The grounder leader was looking at her expectantly and the blonde swallowed hard before she answered:

“Okay. I need to tell my people though”

“It would be best if the trade happened immediately.”

“They need to hear it from me, or they won’t fully believe me” _at least Bellamy wouldn’t_.  “Lincoln will have time to say his goodbyes and I’ll make sure that the deal will be respected. Give me today and tomorrow we’ll make a trade?”

Grounder leader looked more pissed than at a beginning for some reason but she agreed to it anyway. They shook hands and parted their ways. Clarke walked back with her posture tense as never and with a solemn face she looked like she just lost these negotiations and she forced herself to look light and mildly happy so Miller wouldn’t have any ideas with that gun.

Jasper was stepping from one leg to another nervously and Octavia was a statue. Clarke imagined that she was going to be in heaven once she knew about the deal. The girl was also more controlled because when Clarke got out from the bridge she just raised her eyebrow and the blonde could see that she was clutching Lincoln’s hand all this time. When it came to Jasper he attacked her with questions the second she was close enough:

“How did it go? What did she say? Are we dead? Is the war coming? She doesn’t look happy! Clarke, tell us!” the blonde glared at him until he shut up. “It’s handled” she just said.

“That’s very helpful, Princess, anything else?” Octavia spoke up.

“Actually yeah, I need to talk to Lincoln first though so if you guys could go and tell Miller to step down that would be great.”

Octavia looked at her strangely. “If you’re going to do something to him …” she started and Clarke really didn’t see Lincoln’s face but she rolled her eyes at the girl. “then what? He will throw me to the ground or cut my throat? He’s like twice my size, I’m not stupid, Octavia. I need a minute, I swear I will explain at the camp.”

Octavia crossed her arms and stood firmly in place.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Clarke counted to ten in her mind not to murder her by accident. “Fine. Jasper, you go to Miller”

“But Clarke…”

“I said you go to Miller. I’ll explain later.” She said a little louder and Jasper moved back, sulking.

She turned to Lincoln and looked up at him. He seemed curious about what he talked about with Anya but it might have been just acting since he was the one initiating the whole thing. Nevertheless, it was better than the alternative so she raised her chin and asked:

“Do you know about the deal that Anya proposed?”

Lincoln blinked for a second, apparently not expecting this. “Part of it, yes.”

“Part about me going to Anya’s village for few weeks, yeah?” she was watching his face for anything suspicious.

“Yes, I told her you might not agree since you are their only healer.” He said slowly “Why are you…”

“I don’t want war” Clarke cut in. “I also can’t leave my people without medical attention. She said that she can send you in exchange, I know you’re a healer. I also know that we tortured you and you would have to live at that place for a while. Is it something that you could do?” Lincoln raised his eyebrows surprised butt Octavia that Clarke suspected would be in heaven at these news frowned.

“Wait, what are you saying?” she asked but for a moment Clarke ignored her.

“I know that I can’t force you but war is bad for everyone, it takes time, lives and resources. Can you do it? Just a few weeks. And you can defend yourself. I’ll make Bellamy put some great speech so no one will think about touching you.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Clarke” demanded Octavia. “Lincoln?”

“Please, answer me” she was staring at him like he was her only hope and in a way he was.

“From what you said Anya’s already decided. You don’t have to ask me, Clarke.” He said softly.

“It’s important to me. It was my request. Therefore it’s me asking. I know that Anya could force you but I’d like you to agree on your own.” Clarke said feeling emotionally exhausted after all of this.

“I will do it, Clarke of Sky People.”

Clarke exhaled and murmured a ‘thank you’. “The trade will take place tomorrow” she said and he nodded.

“Hold on. What trade? What the fuck is going on?” Octavia said louder.

“I am going to live with the Grounders for a few weeks to teach them our medicine. Lincoln is going to live with us… I mean… the hundred so that you can learn too and so we wouldn’t be left without a healer. This is a condition of the truce.” Explained the girl and Octavia looked at her shocked.

“Good luck telling this to Bellamy” she just said after a minute or so.

Clarke groaned quietly at the thought. “I need to talk to him first. I might just need you for that. But keep your mouth shut now Octavia. I don’t want anyone to hear it. Not unless Bellamy knows, got it?”

“Sure, doc.”

Octavia said her goodbyes to Lincoln and they left, taking the boys with them. Jasper kept pestering both of them about what happened but all he got was “we have a truce” and “it’s handled” unfortunately it wasn’t shutting him up. Miller was quiet but kept glancing at her every so often as if he was sure that another shoe didn’t get to drop yet. He wasn’t wrong but she meant what she said. The next person to know would be Bellamy.

There was quite a commotion in the camp when they arrived, not that it was surprising, the day was still bright and Bellamy probably kept everyone working. They walked inside and Miller and Octavia basically ran to find him while Clarke sent Jasper away. He was still sulking but he would get over it.

“Clarke!” she heard on her right and turned to see Finn coming into her direction.

“Finn, anything happened?” she asked despite being not interested at all.

“Raven fixed the radioes! We contacted the Ark!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can check out my tumblr: stainhermouthred.tumblr.com  
> and I would appreciate a comment about what you've just read so comment and I'll be back with another chapter in a week or so ;)


	5. You're a leader, act like one!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hundred contacted the Ark but they are not as accomodating as the kids would like them to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan to upload until I finished chapter 6 but since missmysterious56 made me laugh with her comment I'm uploading half of chapter 5!  
> Yeah, writing chapter 6 is going terrible. What can I say so here grab this update and enjoy ;)  
> Also happy New Year! <3  
> I appreciate kudos and comments so if you enjoyed, go ahead ;)

CHAPTER 5

_“Raven fixed the radio and the screen! We contacted the Ark!”_

Clarke’s gut twisted at that. She wished they had contact with the Ark for weeks but now that it happened she didn’t want it. Especially since she knew that her mother would want to have an emotional conversation with her and that was not something she would  like to do. “Did you talk to them?” she asked flatly.

“Yeah, I mean Raven did mostly! She said they were treating her like condescending assholes but she was mad all day I don’t think she meant that! How did meeting with the Grounders go?” he asked looking at her with such a touching concern that she took a step away.

“It’s dealt with” she said in a clipped tone and he smiled at her brightly:

“See? I told you they want peace!”

Clarke gave him a half-smile. “I need to go, alright? I’ll talk to you later.” She left before he could answer and went towards the dropship.  Raven was standing near the wires, still fiddling with something but Clarke noticed some kid talking to possibly his parents and crying, the girl tactfully turned away from the kid and went straight to the mechanic.

“Hey, Raven” she smiled at the girl. “You did it”

“Of course I did it” scoffed Raven but it was good-natured. “Abby was asking for you a lot”

“I really don’t want to talk to my mother” said Clarke simply. “Did Jaha say when they were going to come down?” Raven grimaced at that.

“He said that he wants to talk to either his son or you about these things. That really didn’t help with your popularity amongst the hundred by the way. And then we told him that Wells was killed and he cut the call.” She was snarky and Clarke felt a surge of affection for the girl.

“What about Bellamy? He’s the leader and Jaha doesn’t want to talk to him?”

Raven let out a bitter laugh. “Please, Bellamy said that the hell would have to freeze over before he talks to Jaha”

Clarke wasn’t exactly surprised at that but they had to resolve this sooner or later. He couldn’t just hide until the Ark came down, it would make the matter worse. “So what you’re saying that I need to talk to Jaha as soon as possible and convince him to talk to the rest of us?”

Raven raised her hands defensively “You can  talk to him whenever you want. I just thought that if you were dead or something after that meeting Finn talked about then I could try. But he’s a dick so… I’m glad you’re back with us” She grinned at Clarke and patted her arm.

“Can you tell Bellamy to get over himself and come to me so we could talk to Jaha about his pardon?”

Raven gave her a very unimpressed look. “That’s hilarious, Griffin. Really. But sure, I’m up to irritate Blake any time of the day. Good luck with Jaha!” she half-sang and left the dropship.

Clarke waited until the kid talking to his parents was done before walking towards the screen and saw the parents leaving before being replaced by Marcus Kane.

“Clarke!” he called surprised.

“I need to talk to Jaha. Get him.” She said calmly, sitting down in front of the screen. It was not ideal, the screen was cracked and it was quite small but it was working and static was minimal, it was more than they had before so the blonde was grateful.

“Clarke?” there was a voice in the background that she wished she didn’t hear. Soon enough a woman with long hair and disbelief on her face appeared in the screen worried but relieved, seeing her for the first time in over a year.  “Are you okay baby?”

“Fine. Where’s Jaha? I need to talk to him.” She said impatiently.

“We can tell you anything you want to know” Abby said and Clarke tried really hard not to laugh in her face.

“Sure, but your words have no power and Jaha apparently doesn’t want to talk to the rest of the hundred besides me. We don’t have time to sit around here Mum like you do on the council. Get Jaha.”

Kane didn’t like her tone, she could see it and maybe she would have a different approach if she wasn’t leaving the next day. “We are members of the council, we are tasked with supervising you, no need to get a Chancellor for that. Especially since you can talk to him later.” Kane’s voice was condescending as if she was throwing a tantrum.

“Tasked with supervising us? Very well Why didn’t we get any meds? Or some antiseptic? Or I don’t know, a one bottle for us so we could storage water.”

“Clarke…” started Abby but her daughter didn’t let her say anything

“You sent us to die here. The only thing you supervised was how fast we were dying off so don’t give me bullshit and let me talk to Jaha so I can get back to work.” Her tone might have been emotional but her face was dead, washed off any emotions.

“Marcus, go get him” said Abby.

Kane sent the camera a hateful glare and left. “Clarke…” started Abby but the girl had no intention to let her talk.

“How does it feel to frame both your daughter and your husband? Is that what you wanted to talk about? How when you found out what I did you immediately told Jaha? And just after he floated dad for going public with that flaw in the system. And then you all got that idea to check if we’ll die horribly on the ground. I’m impressed mum.”

“It wasn’t like that, I wasn’t the only one who was seeing that room…” Abby looked like it was painful for her to talk about but Clarke had enough of it anyway. “And you survived” she said quieter.

“Don’t. I’m not talking about this with you. And not all of us survived. You can ask Jaha if you forgot.” Her voice was as venomous as she could make it, hurting her as much as she could.

It worked, Abby didn’t speak and they waited in silence until Jaha appeared looking at Clarke and while she could understand the grief and pain, there was no time to get soft. He could lick his wounds later. “Clarke… my son…”

“I’m sorry about Wells” she said flatly offering at least a little bit of good will.

“He came after you. And he died!” he snarled at her and she was sure that if they were talking in person she would take a few steps back. She didn’t expected that.

“Yes, he made a choice to come down here with me. And some of us has died as you expected we would.” She was talking slowly, clearly so it would get to him faster.

“He wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t for you, you stupid girl.” He hissed and Clarke decided that it was enough.

“He had a choice, I didn’t. I was isolated for a year, I certainly didn’t convince him to do it.  Now, as I said before to doctor Griffin, I don’t have time to sit around.” She joined her hands in front of her and saw Bellamy standing at the entrance of the dropship. He raised his finger to his mouth, making a shush gesture and while she was irritated by it, she respected that. He didn’t want to show himself? Fine. “Did someone tell you that there are people leaving on these grounds? People who survived the nukes?”

“Raven Reyes did, yes” he said still glaring at her.

“We made a truce with them today. I need to know when you are coming down so I can discuss it with them.” She explained and watched Jaha turn around probably to look at Abby and Kane.

“It would be better if they didn’t know we were coming” said Jaha.

“Too late”

“What do you mean too late?” Kane cut in “You had no right to tell them that information, you will be charged with telling secrets of the government.”

“Kane, stop it” exclaimed Abby.

Clarke could see Bellamy looking half pissed and half amused while he listened and she felt even angrier at him.

 “I don’t know what you know about the grounders because I was away, negotiating. For example do you know that there is so much more of them than us? Do you know that they have actual forged weapons and not few made up knives? Do you know that they killed some of us just because we landed? We need an alliance and the second they would see you descend and they would, they would kill us for not keeping our part of the deal.” She explained and saw Bellamy pressing his lips tightly and she realised that he had to talk to Octavia about some of it.

“I’m sure if you thought about it a little longer you would come up with something.” Jaha looked at her like she was five and she could feel her temper getting the better of her. “Or if you waited to talk to us”

“We didn’t know if we were able to contact you at all! And wait for what? It was either war or a truce! We would either die in a war or die after because we wouldn’t prepare for winter and freeze to death. The former rather that the latter!”

“Well if you thought about it earlier instead of running around and playing…” started Jaha and all of Clarke’s inhibition left. She was furious and she noticed that Bellamy looked at her worriedly but she didn’t give a damn anymore.

The next words were said with cold fury: “Playing? Day one, Jasper is speared by the grounders while we go in the direction _you_ gave us. Few more days, I try to save him, kids are building a wall to protect us. Octavia Blake is taken. Finn is stabbed, I have to save him, kids are gathering food, making smokehouses and blankets from furs.” She could hear Abby gasping in the distance while Jaha looked like she was making it all up. “Few days more, some of the youngest are dying because we have no fucking medicine, they are coughing their blood out of their lungs and seizing and there is nothing I can do as I watch them die one by one. Today I meet with the grounder leader and she says that we are on their territory and that they have no reason not  to kill us.”

Jaha nods “Clarke, all of this sounds really dramatic but you can’t favour the hundred of you over the population of the Ark”

Clarke felt her blood boil and her heart hammering in her chest. “And why not?!” She snarled. “We’re here and you are not! We are alive when you expected us all to die horribly! Why the hell would I think about you above us?! You don’t give a shit about us! Do you want to hear how I found people speared and basically crucified? Do you need details? How the blood was leaving their mouth and it was dark and dry and edges of the wound were starting being eaten by worms? The sickening smell while we buried them? Is it entertaining you enough?” she was so focused on Jaha’s condescending face that she didn’t notice that Raven entered the dropship.

“Sorry, Chancellor, Clarke will call you later, she’s on edge after meeting the grounder Princess” Raven called and strong arms physically forced her out of the dropship. Clarke noticed Raven saying few more things before she was out and kicked the person who was grabbing her. Namely, Bellamy.

“Get off me, asshole!”

“Calm down!” he hissed letting her go.

“You heard what he was saying!” she yelled in his face itching for a fight and so was he from the way he looked at her.

“Do you think it will help us that you just yelled at him?”

“Well _someone_ here is too much of a coward to face the council even if they are in the goddamn space!”

“It’s different and you know it!”

“What’s so fucking different, you’re a leader, act like one!”

“Apparently I’m not at least not for the outsiders!”

“But you are for our people!” she shouted.

“Guys, take this inside?” asked Raven emerging from the dropship.

Clarke could hear Octavia laughing. “Please, a whole camp could hear it anyway. Just don’t get between them.”

Bellamy and Clarke were staring at each other angrily, ready to jump at each other’s throats again but then she remembered that she had limited time and regretfully spoke up: “We need to talk about that meeting. Your tent?”

He nodded and they started walking in the direction of his tent with Octavia right  behind them.

While Bellamy tent was bigger than most it was still crowded with three people who wanted to stay as away from each other as possible. Bellamy and Clarke were fuming while Octavia was watching them with amusement.

“Octavia said that you negotiated peace” started Bellamy. “She also said that there were conditions that only you knew about and refused to talk to anyone but me first.”

Clarke didn’t hide for a second a look of disbelief and accusation that she sent Octavia but the other girl just shrugged innocently.

“Apparently our flares made some damage in grounder’s village. Anya said that that in exchange for peace I have to go to their village for few weeks and share my medical knowledge.”

Bellamy looked at her like she just told them a very unfunny joke. “And you said no because we would be left without a doctor, right Princess?” he made few steps into her direction.

“I told her that we can’t be left without a healer. She said that they would send one of their own. That we can teach each other.” Her voice was calm, her posture stable, not moving.

“That’s bullshit. We don’t want someone who we don’t know in out camp. Someone who probably wished we were dead.”

“Actually… He doesn’t want our deaths. “ Clarke bit down on her lip nervously “She said she would send Lincoln.”

Bellamy froze and she could see disbelief on her partner’s face that and doubt, she hated that expression, he was supposed to trust her.

“Clarke… after what I’ve done to him, really?” it was laced with insecurity and that was not their leader, she needed that man back.

“I wasn’t thinking about you Bellamy! I was thinking about not causing a war and not leaving you without a healer!”

“So what you suddenly trust Grounders?” he raised his voice and stalked towards her but glanced at Octavia and backed off.

“Well we have to! Either that or we get killed off. This way at least there’s hope!”

“I’m not taking part in this.” snapped Bellamy.

“Yes, you are.” Clarke’s fury came back twice as strong. “I need you, Bellamy. If you do something to Lincoln, they will kill me and start a war. If you do something that even seems to be an act of war, they kill me first and then all of you. If I screw up in that village, we all die. Bellamy, we need to work together!”

Bellamy looked desperate, just like she did on that bridge so she wished he would start seeing sense in that solution.

“And how am I supposed to stop these assholes from attacking him, huh?”

“I don’t know. Explain the situation to them. You can figure it out, Bellamy.”

They were watching each other, Clarke pleading with him and Bellamy trying as much as he could to trust that it could work. Octavia looked at both of them before the silence was too much for her.

“Are you two talking telepathically? Unless not can you stop with the tension and figure this thing out.” She said irritated.

Clarke watched Bellamy close his eyes and swallowing, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he was thinking and unlike Octavia she wasn’t going to hurry him up, if what he needed to accept the situation was a couple of minutes in angry silence then so be it. She licked her lips, ignoring Octavia breathing down their necks. With the corner of her eye she noticed shadows of people way too close to the tent that they would be if they were working and she got worried, they couldn’t just leave their posts because of nosiness, she and Bellamy needed to give a strong statement by the end of the day, they needed their obedience more than ever before.

 


	6. Are you scared?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It's been a while yeah? I also have midterms and physiology is killing me.  
> This is part two of what originally was a chaptet 5 monster.  
> It contains threats and vulgar language so heads up.  
> And I noticed people talking how clarke is all alone and hated and yeah that was a point. Of course in my original plan it wasnt quite such a long game and by the end of chapter five something was done about it but then... I like the drama. And i like the idea of bellamy and clarke trusting each other but still not caring enough. My very own slow burn :3 now take that short chapter and let me know what you think :3

“O, go make sure that the eavesdroppers get back to work.” said Bellamy before opening his eyes and setting them on his sister who looked like she wanted to argue and to see the rest of their conversation unfold but after seeing Bellamy’s expression, she gave up and left without a word. He and Clarke didn’t say anything for a longer while instead listening to Octavia yelling at people to stop being nosy bastards.

The shadows disappeared and Bellamy turned to the blonde this time his face unreadable. “You couldn’t have thought about trading anyone else?” it wasn’t accusation, it wasn’t said in anger, just curiosity.

“Who? She said that we needed to make amends for the village. Bellamy, we burnt down some of it. She suggested me. And believe me, the only people I trust not to do something stupid in that village is Octavia and that’s an obvious no, yes, I’m aware, Finn but Raven wouldn’t let him be alone and I need Raven with the hundred and Monty who is also needed. Not to mention that she though that they would be taking the hundred’s healer and leader for the time being, it seemed really reasonable from their point of view. And Lincoln is a healer” Bellamy nodded before smirking at her.

“You wouldn’t trust me not to do something stupid?” he asked teasingly and Clarke huffed out a laugh.

“Please. Not with your temper” she answered smiling a little.

“My temper? Have you seen yourself talking to Jaha? You know when you were yelling at our Chancellor?” he gave her a smile and it lifted the lines from his eyes, for a moment she remembered that he was still young, he was maybe twenty two and here they were, leading a bunch of teenagers, that wasn’t right.

She also remembered something else and was not looking forward to it. “Bellamy, you need to talk to Jaha.”

“Maybe in another life Princess” his smile was gone as quickly as it appeared and she realized that she missed it.

“You lead this people and I will be gone for a while. We need to convince Jaha to talk to someone. Maybe he’ll have some useful intel.” She wasn’t sure if she believed what she was saying but she preferred Bellamy talking to him than someone insanely biased.

“Clarke” he said and his voice dropped even lower than usual, her complete focus was on him, on his haunted eyes, all dark and determinated “I shot the man. I destroyed that goddamn radio of Reyes. Think about what you’re asking me”

Clarke moved closed to him, tilting her chin up to still look at his face. “You lead this people. You’re the best hunter we have. You saved my life. And some others. You do what needs to be done to protect those you care about. Right then it was your sister.” He didn’t want it but her words were getting to him, a little but they did.

“I will be right there. With you. I’ll tell him what I just did to you. He’ll get over himself.” She believed that even less that she believed that Jaha had any intel but maybe she would be surprised.  
“It’s a waste of time.” He said stubbornly.

“He blames me for his son’s death. Treats me like a little kid.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, her eyes dropping from his face and looking somewhere above his shoulder. “It’s not perfect Bellamy. Kane loathes us all in general from what I could see and my mother is the reason that I was arrested in the first place. But you don’t see me shutting out” her eyes went up to his in that moment. He growled deep in his throat before answering:

“Fine, just don’t expect miracles, Princess”

Clarke exhaled in relief. “Don’t look so happy” he grumbled “How am I supposed to convince them not to do anything stupid?”

“Tell them that it means war. You can probably convince Monty to learn from Lincoln.”

“And if it’s not enough?”

There it was, that moment of understanding that passed between them after torturing Lincoln, they experienced it again when Clarke stated the dark reality with emotionless face and flat voice while looking her partner in the eye:

“Then we die.”

*

They decided that the talk with Jaha would come first.

Bellamy was sitting right next to her, pressed against her side so they could be visible as they waited for the screen to turn on . She squeezed his tight briefly, trying to reassure him and he was nervous enough that his only response was a tight smile. Soon enough they were face to face with Chancellor Jaha.

“Clarke I trust that you’re calm enough to have a civil conversation. And you brought mister Blake. For what purpose?” It was really childish of her but she could feel irritation rise up in her just by the tone of his voice. She felt a hand on her lower back, a steady pressure reminding her to get back to the game.

“You were insistent on talking to me. I’ll be away soon enough but we want to keep in contact with the Ark” she got down to business right away. “I think that you should talk about stuff concerning our camp to Bellamy, he’s taking care of everyone, I couldn’t have kept so many of us alive if it wasn’t for him, These kids listen to him.”

Jaha had an expression of a man talking to a lunatic. “He’s still a criminal”

“Which brings me to another matter. In the dropship you told us that if we make it we’ll be pardoned of our crimes, Bellamy was with us, I want you to tell me that he’s being pardoned as well” Clarke stated calmly and felt her partner shifting next to her, not expecting her to ask for this.

“It’s not that easy with mister Blake.”

“It is if you want to know who on the Ark wants you dead.” Bellamy cut in and Clarke squeezed his thigh again, happy that he was up and fighting. That picked Jaha’s interest as he leaned in closer.

“Who gave you the gun mister Blake?”

“First, your part of the deal Chancellor.” Said Clarke firmly.

Jaha looked like he ate something sour with the grimace that appeared on his face but nevertheless he forced the words out:

“Bellamy Blake, I pardon you, for your crimes”

“Thank you, Sir” Bellamy’s voice was void of any emotion and she couldn’t really blame him.

“Who gave you the gun?”

He tells the truth and Jaha talks to the guards immediately before turning back to them with that awful smile of his looking at Clarke again:

“You said you were going away, where? It’s unwise to wander off” Clarke could feel Bellamy’s hand on hers uncurling the fist she wasn’t aware she made.

“I have to maintain contact with the grounders to make sure the truce holds. If you have any useful information, tell us now or talk about it to Bellamy”

“Clarke, are you sure that he should have this much power?” girl felt her partner’s hand clutching hers almost painfully at that. She bit down every venomous response she could have before speaking:

“I trust him. And like I said, he is the reason we survived.”

Jaha sighed heavily at her:

“There might be a bunker, you should check it out as a shelter for winter. I’ll send you coordinates” it was threw off without much care but Clarke’s eyes lit up at that. If the bunker was in good shape, the winter would be so much easier, the only thing they would have to focus on would be gathering supplies. Bellamy was sitting straighter next to her, realizing the same thing that she did.

“Do you know when you’re coming down?” asked Clarke again.

“Not yet, we need to organize and assign places in the dropship, this will take a while.” Answered Jaha again looking almost bored.

Clarke nodded. “Clarke, I know that you were mad when we talked earlier” he started. “But remember than all of you are just a bunch of teenagers. When we come, there will be a bigger picture, think about it when you talk to the grounders again.”

Bellamy shifted next to her and she felt chills down her spine, her voice stuck in her throat.

“We’ll remember” Bellamy answered for her.

“Good. I will talk to the rest of the hundred at your request miss Griffin, you have my word.”

“Thank you Chancellor Jaha” her voice was pleasant and she plastered another smile on her face until the screen turned off, the call ending.

They sat in silence for a moment, each processing bits of information that they just received. None of them moved, the silence between them was deafening even though they were surrounded by yelling from outside from people who were trying to build something there. Their people.

“You should check out that bunker” said Clarke flatly. “Leave Miller in charge and take someone with you, just not Octavia. Raven maybe.”

“He’s not going to pardon me” spoke Bellamy beside her. “He’s not going to pardon any of us”

“Yeah, I know”

“What are we going to do?”

“For now? Survive. One thing at a time, okay?” she suddenly felt really tired. They might have stop a war between them and the grounders but so what if the Ark was going to come down and lock them all up possibly ruing their peace with the locals.

“We have to talk to the hundred about Lincoln and you”

*

They split up to gather everyone around the place where there was a bonfire already starting. Over eighty people making a huge noise, relying in them to keep them alive. Bellamy glanced at her few times but otherwise they just waited until people were settled and only then he yelled at them all to shut their mouths.

“Clarke made contact with the grounders.” His voice was loud and strong and sure, his whole posture was commanding. “We made a truce which means that we have nothing to fear from them from now on”  
The cheers erupted from the crowed and Clarke smiled a little at their enthusiasm.

“But” He roared and Clarke noticed that the fear came back on their faces. “There are conditions. We can’t do anything that might be seen as an act of war. That means we treat them like allies, we don’t attack them and we don’t act hostile!”

There were murmurs among the crowd but he wasn’t finished and Clarke noticed determination settling on his features. “They demanded that one of us is send for few weeks to them” Clarke blinked hard wondering why the hell was he saying that. The kids got emotional but he kept talking, his voice reverberating through camp.

“Clarke agreed to go. In exchange one of the grounders, the healer, will come to our camp. And if I even hear about you wanting to hurt him, you will regret that. Hurting that guy means war and war means more death, am I clear?” he roared.

“Why would Princess agree to go to that territory?” yelled some kid whose name she forgot “Won’t she screw everything up being there?”

“Clarke” hissed Bellamy “volunteered so you people can be safe. She’ll make sure that the truce works so show some goddamn respect”

That shut that kid up but then there were other voices:

“What if that grounder hurts us?”

“What’s stopping them from killing us anyway?”

Bellamy shot Clarke a quick look and she stepped in:

“That meeting was initiated by the grounders. They didn’t need to do that. They could’ve just killed us so we trust that this truce will hold. As long as we don’t do anything to break it.”

That silenced the kids and Clarke felt the relief, she expected more of a fight, she was sure that it wasn’t something that everyone comfortable with but she trusted Bellamy to keep an eye on everything. Then Finn called out:

“What if they hurt you in that village? Let someone else go.”

“I volunteered. That’s not up for discussion” she bit back and then Raven spoke:

“When do you go?”

“Tomorrow morning”

*

Bellamy went to talk to Raven about going to the bunker in few days while Clarke chatted with Finn for a while, explain what happened and then with Octavia when smaller girl promised to make sure that everything with that truce would go smoothly.

She liked Octavia and at that moment beside Bellamy she was her greatest ally. She asked younger girl to learn as much as they were able to from Lincoln about medical herbs and something about how they were surviving winter so far. Anything that can be useful.

After younger Blake convinced her that everything would be fine for the third time, Clarke finally backed off and walked into the direction of Bellamy’s tent, ready to crush there again whether he liked it or not. She was about to uncover the entrance when she heard someone’s lewd voice:

“So Blake got to screw the Princess? Didn’t peg you for a whore, Griffin, who knew”

Clarke froze for a second, tempted to ignore the voice and just get inside but she had a sneaking suspicion that he would follow anyway. “None of your business, Dax” She snapped out.

“Are you sure?” He came closer and she turned her head to him impatiently. He was as tall as Bellamy but while he didn’t have that commanding air around him but the way he was looking at her made her skin crawl anyway.

“Because if Blake fucked you raw, I want my fix too. Or was he whipped enough to be gentle and loving? Is that way he’s basically doing what you tell him now?”

“Screw you, Dax” she made a move to leave but he grabbed her arm painfully, digging into the bruises that Bellamy’s fingers left on her body.

“You’ve got bruises on you, you cunt, you like it rough? I can show you a good time before you leave for that Grounder’s shithole.” He didn’t get to say anything more because she had a knife pressed against his artery.

“You were saying?” she asked menacingly.

“You don’t have the guts to do it” smiled Dax and her voice dropped lower:

“Try me”

“She does” said Bellamy, appearing next to her before he punched Dax in the face. “If I hear you talk like that to any other girl I will beat you in a pulp. Now, get out”

Dax was cursing and spluttering blood from his mouth but crawled away.

Bellamy motioned to her to enter his tent before moving closer until he was standing in close proximity to her, just like Dax did but instead of having to fight her cringe she felt safe. She watched his concerned face, as he did that, his hand moving up as if he wanted to touch her face but in the last moment he stopped himself.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah” she almost hummed.

He swallowed and she watched his throat constrict, his smooth darker skin decorated with freckles that were taking all of her focus until she felt his fingers tilt her chin up gently so she was looking at him. He looked like he did by that bonfire, commanding and sure and calm and yet he was gentle with her, that was a surprise. Against her better judgement she felt something warm in her chest, her heart fluttering for just a moment.

“Let’s go to bed” his voice wasn’t rough anymore, it seemed almost warm. His hand left her and they got rid of their jacket’s and shoes and crawled into his bed but unlike the last time he didn’t turn away and neither did she. They laid on their sides, facing each other, closer than they did last night.

“Are you scared?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah” she whispered, her voice shaking a little but she couldn’t help it.

“You got it, Princess” he said and brushed her arm with his fingers. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“Are you?”

“What?”

“Scared”

There was a moment of silence before he answered: “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 25.01 update:  
> Hi, good news? I actually have a plan for this! Bad news? MIDTERMS. Good news? I'll probably write sth anyway despite midterms. Bad news: I'm working on sth a little different. Anyway, stay tuned, new chapter should be in the first week of February :*  
> If you want to talk, I'm on : [tumblr](http://stainhermouthred.tumblr.com/)


	7. Feeling alive yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke leaves to the Grounder village and learns there. She also meets new unexpected ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this chapter was pain in the ass to write first I couldn't write more than 100 words at once and then I couldn't finish this things ugh.  
> ALSO LOOK AT THE TAGS.  
> I'm having midterms soon I wanted to just get over it and forget it. 
> 
> Do I have an explanation for this? (you'll know which part) Hell no. I love how it turns out darker and darker and it’s going to be good. I promise. And this is one of my very few fics that will have a happy ending. I promise. But you’ll have to wait for it. 
> 
> ATTENTION.  
> In tv series, I think that Clarke had someone to talk. I mean someone would come to her? I guess? And she got her pencils from someone. But since I needed to amplify her state of mind because come on she was 17 and killed her friend of sorts and I don’t think she would talk to her mother. And being alone. In the quiet. With something terrible. It makes you reckless. It makes you hurt. I honestly wanted to make just an remark about it but I realize that the extent of her thoughts might not have been clear enough so here we go. Flashback.  
> Also there is a Nyko in this story that I know exists but honestly can't remember what he was like.  
> And then there is Roan. Because I love Roan. He has a purpose. Actually he's more useful that I originally planned.  
> This chapter is also huge. You're welcome. Or I'm sorry. Idk.
> 
> Anyway, comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed :3

The grounder village was almost a day away of horse riding. Clarke was completely unsure when she traded off with Lincoln at the bridge. She wasn’t riding alone since someone, she suspected Lincoln, informed the Grounders that she has never ridden a horse in her life. What’s more she hadn’t even seen one until today but didn’t have time to appreciate their appearance since apparently, they were in hurry.

The road wasn’t particularly exciting, the woods and the angry murmurs in a language that she didn’t know. She took care to remember  the road in case of emergency. She tried to not think about these things.  Not yet anyway. The man that was sitting in front of her was huge, as tall as Lincoln but unlike the healer, he was broader and his hair was longer, braided at the back. There was another one behind her, that was quieter but just as tall and broad and she could feel his eyes on the back on her neck. Unlike the one she was riding with, this one’s hair was pulled back from his face but still fell on his back. And another difference, he had scars. At least she thought these were scars although they were more of a designs and calling them scars somehow made them less beautiful? These were carefully crafted patterns. On human skin.

She noticed other things too. That even when the two of them were talking there was certain imbalance between them. The first one’s tone was not only commanding but at times almost hostile while the man with the scars displayed almost condescending amusement at his antics.

By the time they arrived the night has fallen. They entered the village and Clarke despite herself found herself sucking in breath impressed.

First by the sheer amount of people there who looked like they were done for the day and heading home. Most of them was glaring at her, the hostile expressions everywhere but while she knew that she should focus on them, she couldn’t. They had houses here. Actual houses and not wood one’s like she had expected but some made of stone and some from other materials, no doubt ten times more stable than wood that they were planning. There was a fire going at the centre where people were gathered and were talking and there were little kids running around. She wasn’t sure why she found that so inspiring but somehow she hasn’t even started considering Earth as a place to live and not just survive. Not till now.

The guard in front of her got off the horse and she was left alone there for a moment, a flicker of panic in her mind but she heard a chuckle behind her and someone’s hand was on her thigh. Her first instinct was to fight so she kicked before she even looked in result almost falling of her horse but the same hand grabbed her arm and kept her up. She turned her head and saw the man with the tattoos laughing at her as he held her.

“Ready to go down or do you want to flail your limbs a little longer?”

She glared at him earning herself another burst of laughter as he helped her down from the horse. He was a lot taller than her and she was painfully aware that she was basically defenceless here, swallowing the rising panic, she asked:

“What am I supposed to do now? See Anya? Or what?”  she should probably tone down on the hostile tone but  she was on edge.

“If she has time, then yeah, you start working first thing in the morning from what I gathered” he answered lazily, his face still fixed in that condescending amusement.

“From what you gathered? I thought that I would be basically dragged to her, the second I arrived.”  She snarked.

The man with the scars just shrugged.  “You’re not a prisoner and we have better things to do than babysit you”

Clarke felt the flare of annoyance at calling it _babysitting_ but it made sense. Biting her lip  so she wouldn’t say something she would regret, she took a calming breath and  tried very hard to ignore all the people _staring._ Not only she was the outsider, no, the _invader_ but she was different in almost every aspect with her blonde hair and bright blue eyes where people around had a rather darker colouring. She thought that if anyone wanted to attack her she was more than visible, her whole person screamed: intruder. Nevertheless she asked the man if he would take her to their leader and he just nodded before moving in the direction of the building in the centre.

“What’s your name?” Clarke asked.

“What does it matter?” He grumbled and she was reminded of Bellamy with that grumpiness and general power play attitude.

“Usually when asked a question, you should answer it before asking another one” she snapped.

“You might want to reign your tongue a little while talking to people here” he said with a chuckle until they stood in front of a casual looking building. “Name is Roan.”

Clarke nodded again, not dignifying him with telling her own name. they all knew her as the sky person, it was enough. She raised her chin and walked into the building with her head straight ready to face Anya.

For whatever reasons she imagines the inside to be raw stone and general bareness but when she stepped in she was surprised. There were tables around with what seemed to be strategic pieces and letters, the _throne_ of sorts in the centre, although she wouldn’t really call it a throne, more like a chair that was just fancy enough to stand out from the ones surrounding it. Like it was a council room although Clarke had an impression that Anya held all the power.

“You’re late.” Anya’s sharp voice cut through the room and the blonde turned to see the older woman emerge from another room.

“I was with your people so it’s really not my fault”

Anya looked at her blankly before coming closer to her, standing in the middle of the room and saying:

“You’re going to work with Nyko. You have seen the wooden cabin on your way here?”

Clarke frowned trying to think about a wooden building, honestly she could’ve only recalled the stones and solid structures. The confusion on her face was met with a scoff from Anya: “Three buildings from here. You need to pay more attention.”

“Well I was more focused on death glares that I kept receiving.”

“And you will keep receiving them. Make no mistake, Clarke of Sky People, you might be under my protection but these people know only  that you fell out of the sky and might be dangerous. So be careful and don’t wrong anyone or it will end up badly.”

Clarke gritted her teeth but nodded and Anya gave her another curious look. “You talked to your people, didn’t you?”

“I did”

“And that man who tortured Lincoln? How did he take the news that they have to live together?” Clarke felt like she was being tested.

“It’s done. He knows that we need this truce. Everyone does. And I’m more than sure that he would be the one to enforce it.”

Anya nodded slowly. “You trust him?”

Clarke raised her chin and spoke in a hard tone: “I do”

“That’s why you left him in charge”

She could explain that she hadn’t been technically a leader and that she and Bellamy had an understanding of sorts but it was none of their business and the point stood. She trusted him to do the  right thing.

“Yes.”

Anya looked like she was thinking something over and Clarke grew uneasy. She remembered when Roan told her to keep her tongue at bay and wondered for a second if she managed to blew it already. She couldn’t, there were people in her camp that were counting on her. The nervousness was growing and growing until Anya’s voice pulled her from her thoughts.

“You’ll stay here tonight. After you meet Nyko, you’ll be his guest.” She said and motioned for the room she left. “You get up, you go to him.”

“How long will I have to stay?”

“We’ll see. Maybe two weeks. Maybe a month. It depends how well are you working” The older woman gave her something that looked like it was supposed to be a smile. “And Clarke?” the blonde raised her eyebrows at her. “Don’t try anything”

Clarke clenched her jaw “We have a truce, why would I want to _try_  anything”

“It’s just a reminder. You’ll need it” Anya walked away and Clarke was left alone, the door slamming behind her.

Here she was, alone in a grounder village. She tried exhaling to release some of the tension in her shoulders but it wasn’t working. She was stressed while talking to Anya but it also meant that she was only half focused on the fact just how fragile the agreement was especially since the delinquents were kids. Aggressive, betrayed and extremely impulsive ones. In a moment she felt insane gratitude that Bellamy followed Octavia to the ground. He might have been the most violent one but his rage could be controlled, reasoned with. She was sure that he would keep their people in check. Even if it was Lincoln that he had to protect. After all he tried to live in peace with her after he threatened to kill her. He was protecting her even though she was a walking reminder of Gina. She wouldn’t pretend to fully understand his reasoning not did she delude herself that she could ever be forgiven. Clarke moved her hand to her neck and traced  the bruises from his fingers. The slight pressure caused her pain and it was like a reminder that she was a killer, that she should pay for what she did. And right now, her duty was to ensure peace.

She shook her head and moved to the room that Anya has vacated earlier. It was small and it looked a lot like her cell on the Ark to be honest. Grey walls, something that looked like a cot in the corner, a wooden chair on the other side of the room along with a small table.. No windows, just like in solitary. Something in her stomach turned but she walked towards a cot. She shrugged off her jacket and boots and exhaled a little, feeling slightly better. There was some sheet on the bed and she slipped under it, trying to relax her tense muscles. The day of horse riding left her sore and exhausted and soon she fell asleep instantly.

_It’s been months._

_Months of the only sound being the steps of the guards and the shuffle of the tray with food put there. There was nothing here. After few weeks of solitary she stopped eating. Three days later they found her dehydrated and delusional laying on the floor and whimpering._

_To be honest she hoped that when they took her to med bay someone would talk to her. No. they spoke. Simple instructions. That starving wouldn’t change her situation. But when she asked about her mother no one answered, they didn’t even look at her. She remembered the moment of panic when she realized that it was her life now. That night she ate normally and cried herself to sleep again._

_She wondered if somehow she could survive somehow peacefully until her eighteenth birthday but the disadvantage of solitary was that she had way too much time to think. And the voices in her head was louder and louder every day._

_Murderer._

_She was a friend._

_And now she was dead._

_Murderer._

_The thing with solitary is the rational part, that told her that she couldn’t really help, that Gina begged her to kill her, that part of her was getting more and more silent until there was that loud pounding of that one word that she needed to stop._

_She tried. She ran into a wall head first, hoping to knock herself out. Or to make the pain more intense than voices in her head. It worked. After few times it hurt so much she forgot about Gina, about who she was, there was only pain. Once she did that when the guard was bringing her food._

_They took her to medical and ignored her once again._

_She was strapped to a bed in her cell with an IV feeding her for a week. Or she thought it was a week. She couldn’t move. She was told by a very bored nurse that if she tried this again she would spend the rest of her few months of life like that._

_She started thinking about a ground. Small things like if what she could pain if she ever went there, if people used to be so uptight about the rules. She was thinking about ever book she has ever read, trying to remember. It didn’t exactly go better but she decided to wait patiently for her death._

_She kept getting plastic cutlery and spoons mostly. That didn’t stop her from wanting to cut her skin sometimes when the guilt came back and twice as strong because not only she was a murderer but she allowed herself to not to think about it. She looked at the spoon and wondered if she could do something with it. If someone noticed that it disappeared._

_It’s been months and she was fairly sure that she had a month left to live. She was tired and considered begging the guard to shot or choke her to death if he couldn’t waste the ammunition. Anything. But she could say anything because they forced her from her cell that day and she saw her mother for the first time in months. She could hug her, the relief so big that she barely registered what was said._

_They were being send to the ground._

 

Clarke woke up with a sudden huff of breath, laying stiffly on her back and not moving. The dream she had, the details were fuzzy but she remembered hopelessness. The reminder why she kept herself as busy as possible on the ground. The reminder of why she had nothing against walking into enemy’s territory. She had more bruises on herself than she remembered and was constantly on edge but here people weren’t ignoring her. Hell, that mistake with Finn was mostly because she was starved for affection. For touch of another human being. She shook her head and sat up.

She was still sore from horse riding but she got up and dressed before walking out.

In the daylight she noticed more, the wooden cabin that Anya mentioned before was clearly visible in the light and she could see Grounders walking around, working already. There was a group of warriors practicing in the distance, people walking with roots and plants, some kids running and she smiled a little despite herself but quickly trained her expression to be neutral after she heard a sneer and looked up only to see hateful glares. She walked faster towards the cabin.

It was quite big and there were herbs everywhere. She tried not to gape but she didn’t know most of it and they probably had a lot more uses that these that she knew. There were various containers and something that looked like a fairly sterile suture thread and she was so caught up in the storage that she completely ignored the large man standing next to her.

“Skikru?” it was formed as a question but it was ridiculous. She couldn’t look more different than them if she tried.

She looked up at his tattooed face and said in a fairly neutral voice: “I’m looking for a man named Nyko. I’m supposed to work here with him.”

The man nodded and gestured for her to follow her. They walked towards the table in the middle of the room and he sat down on one of the stools next to it, showing her to do the same. Clarke kept a careful eye on him wondering what was going through his mind. “I’m Nyko” She kind of figured that out. “What’s your name?”  
“Clarke”

He nodded. “Anya told me you’re the leader. And a healer. Is it true?”

“I was trained to be a healer in space” she answered calmly.

Nyko leaned in, his eyes sharp and intense and giving her chills. “Anya told me that she wanted us to learn from each other.” Clarke swallowed and gave one nod in confirmation. “So tell me, Clarke of Sky People, what can I possibly learn from you?”

Few hours later Clarke realized that Nyko while intimidating at first was very serious about learning aspect, he also told her that she wouldn’t treat anyone that day mostly because they didn’t trust her. He asked her what would she do every time someone came with a gaping wound and followed her suggestion or not but still, he worked swiftly and sometimes explained stuff to her after the patient has left and she was curious.

As for people they were treating, they kept sending her hateful glares and probably saying some hateful stuff but she didn’t know their language, she couldn’t be sure. She found out that they had needles done from bones and not from metal like in her camp. She learned the herbs and Nyko told her how to find some of them. For example these that would help with cold. Honestly she felt like an apprentice more than a leader but it wasn’t bad. She mentioned to Nyko that moonshine was a way stronger alcohol than whatever they were using to disinfect wounds so they probably could produce more and share and he seemed to appreciate that.

When it was getting dark, he showed her the place when they were eating and honestly she’d rather be anywhere else. She barely walked inside with Nyko behind her when she was pushed down onto the table and had a blade at her neck but was also quick enough to pull her own and aim it at his neck artery.

“You fucking bitch. You killed my sister” the woman above her had rage in her eyes and snarled at her and honestly didn’t seem to are that Clarke could kill her just as quickly. “What? Nothing to say?”

“We never wanted that to happen” Clarke breathed out and wondered for half a second if she would be able to kick her away but the angle was weird enough that she had no leverage.

“You’re enemy! I don’t know how you fooled Anya but you should be all slaughtered” the woman hissed into her face and Clarke got ready to stab her but fortunately nothing like that happened because the woman was forcefully pulled away. By Roan of all people.

“Anya wouldn’t appreciate having so little faith in her” he said calmly.

“What do you care? You have no say in this” she narled this time at him.

“Again, your leader thinks differently so stop acting up.” He growled and the woman shrugged him off before walking out. Clarke blinked not sure what happened but she got herself of the table only to be met with Roan’s amused stare.

“You’re causing quite the commotion”

“What can I say. My favourite past time” she said flatly and he snorted.

“Come on, you need to eat and I’m willing to bet that if you’re left alone your face will provoke someone again.” He smirked at her and she wanted to argue but her stomach was growling and decided against it.

They walked towards the tables with food and she took something that looked like a rabbit but smelled a lot better than what they did in camp and took some apples once again trying not to look at the woman working at that table. Roan took her somewhere away from the crowds and they sat down on a bench where they partially invisible but at the same time could observe what was happening.

“Why are you helping?” she asked, ignoring her growling stomach. Roan kept sending her  irritated looks as if she was a very petulant child and started eating his own meal.

She had a moment to look at him longer, his hair was long but pulled away, his scars less visible at night. He had no tattoos unlike the rest of people here and there was certain wariness about him that was hiding behind his mocking persona.

“This woman told you that you have no say in this. You’re not part of the Trikru, are you?”

“Eat your goddamn food” he grumbled and pulled out the canteen with something that smelled really sweet and he drank from it.

“Are you here to ensure peace between clans as well? You’re not a hostage that’s for sure.” She took the rabbit and bit down into it, not taking her eyes off him and he rolled his eyes at her, shaking his head a little.

“None of your business.”

Clarke groaned deep in her throat. It’s not like it was _that_ important but she was curious and he was isolating himself by being with her so she figured that getting some answers wouldn’t be that difficult.

“Why are you eating with me?” she asked instead.

Roan closed his eyes for a second looking like he was regretting it a lot but he threw her the canteen  and answered:

“There are a lot of people who wants you dead. With me it would be a little harder to make it look like an accident. Drink this.” He motioned for the canteen in her hand.

She carefully unscrewed it and sniffed the incredibly sweet scent again while Roan kept talking: “Anya might be a warrior and the most ruthless one here but she understands the difference between killing to win a war and then killing for the sake of killing.” Clarke listened intently while taking a sip  and could feel alcohol on her tongue in a thick and sweet liquid. It was making her feel warmer and generally was nicer than she expected. “That’s why she’s the leader. Some rogue person shouldn’t be the reason to cause the war. Unless you’re planning on killing us all Clarke of Sky People then I’ll have to apologize to Nastia” Clarke nodded and threw the sack back to him, thinking everything over.

The days after that weren’t exactly better but she was busier. Nyko allowed her to stitch people up under his supervision, she was sure that it was more so the patients wouldn’t attack her than to check if she was doing it right. He knew what her abilities were and he listened when she pointed out something. She learned that they make their surgical thread from goat’s intestines and that it was surprisingly strong. By day five of her stay there she didn’t exactly stop getting death glares but their hands stopped twitching towards their giants swords so she counted that as a win.

She hasn’t seen Anya at all and it wasn’t really surprising, she had things to run and it wasn’t her job to take care of Clarke. It seemed to become Roan’s job though. He still hasn’t told her anything about himself but he talked about Grounder culture and she appreciated it. She kept her life issues to herself as well but he was curious about the space so she shared what she could. About their rules, the one child rule. Floating for the smallest crime. He seemed too impressed for her liking and she told him that but only got a chuckle in exchange:

“What else would you do? You say the air was running out so they made it work with not growing too big and getting rid of people”

“It was cruel” she growled and he looked at her with something like pity.

“Efficient though, don’t you think?”

She didn’t answer that. She hated the Ark for their rules but she never stopped to think about it more. Of course it was logical but these were people they were talking about and not just objects to be disposed of.

She was there a week when things went bad.

It started out in the morning when there was a commotion outside and Nyko frowned and walked out, Clarke going after him and there was a circle in the middle of the village, they managed to get to the front and she gasped loudly at what she was seeing.

There was a girl, a teenager , no more than sixteen years old kneeling at the ground with her back exposed and the larger woman above her swinging the whip that hit the girl’s skin with  a loud crack and the cry left the teenagers lips. The woman above her said something in their language which Clarke made out meant some kind of number and raised a whip again.

“Stop” Clarke screamed but it was tuned out by the girl’s cries  and she was about to ran there but the second she took a step someone yanked her back. She turned her head sharply and saw Roan. “Let me go” She snarled.

“So you can do something stupid? No way.”  His hand was closed over her arm hard enough that she knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Why is no one stopping it?” She hissed while the whipped cracked again and the cries started again.

“She stole. She got caught and now she’s paying for it.” He explained and she got even more livid.

“She’s just a kid!”

Roan frowned at her. “Yes, she will get her punishment and live on, your people would kill her. Or lock her away and then kill her.”

Clarke felt her stomach drop at his words. “She’s a kid” she murmured all fight leaving her. She hated that he was right.

“You have no right to judge us, Clarke. Not after what you told me.” Roan released her arm and she stood there watching the girl get whipped five more times before the older woman left and only then Nyko walked towards the weeping kid, helping her up and Clarke rushed towards her ready to do anything to get rid of that feeling of helplessness.

They helped her up and walked her towards their cabin, Clarke tried to think how exactly to proceed with her back which was all bloodied, the whip had cut the skin all over. Nyko pulled the whimpering girl on the table. Clarke brushed her hair away so they would get into her wound and Nyko told Clarke to get water.

When Clarke came back he was talking to the girl softly: “Come on, Zino, you  knew better than that. We’re going to help you.” Girl only whimpered and Clarke put the bucket with water down next to the table.

“I’ll get the salve ready, clean the wound with water” He said and moved while Clarke got to work.

Every move of her hands made the girl, Zino, moan in pain but it didn’t matter. If the wound was infected she would be seriously sick and there wouldn’t be much that she could do to her.  Her work was fast and efficient and soon enough Nyko came back and spread the salve he made all over her back. It seemed to sooth her a little bit. Clarke looked at Nyko and went to make some lemon balm tea to relax Zino and hopefully put her to sleep so her body could heal.

“She’s going to be fine right?” asked Clarke when girl’s breath evened out and she seemed to be out for  some time.

“We’ll see” at her frowned expression he continued “Last time, she got whipped she had an infection and barely fought it off. And don’t look so terrified, we cleaned the wound but so what if she was whipped for a few minutes.”

Clarke clenched her jaw and nodded.

At early afternoon Zino got a fever. They tried to get it down with brews and cold compresses but it was no use. Nyko looked a little defeated and Clarke felt something turn inside her It was way too familiar feeling on the ground. Infection. Something that could be easily remedied on the Ark. Still she hoped. She kept preparing natural antibiotics.

Zino’s  heart was racing and she vomited few times already. In the evening her temperature dropped so low she started shaking so badly they were afraid she would hurt herself. The medicine wouldn’t work, Clarke knew it wouldn’t. On the Ark sepsis was curable but it was complicated process with IV to keep the blood pressure right and with constant vital signals monitored. Natural antibiotics weren’t strong enough.

She tried to think of anything, blood transfusion even but when she told it to Nyko he said, after she described what would be needed, that they didn’t know how to substitute half of these things.

The girl died three days later.

Clarke stood there shell shocked as she looked at the dead body of Zino and felt the need to run. It was stupid, she couldn’t do it of course, there were people counting on her but she couldn’t save the grounder girl. She suddenly wondered if the hundred had these problems. Was someone dead because they lacked proper antibiotics? How many of them was left?

She made a move to leave the cabin but was stopped by Roan walking inside.

“Leave me alone” she hissed and tried to get out anyway but he stopped her.

“They blame you for little Zinovia’s death” he said and she stopped dead in her track. What was she expecting? That they would believe that she did everything she could to save one of them?

“I don’t have the equipment. I couldn’t save her.” She said flatly.

“Yeah, I know, Nyko mentioned that. After he said to keep an eye on you.” He said down next to the table where Zino died. Clarke narrowed her eyes on him: “Why? Afraid I’ll murder you all because I know the infection could kill you?” she snapped.

“It can probably kill you too, sweetheart so don’t get cocky. No, they pretty much want to slowly murder you. Anya comes back tomorrow, you’ll talk it out with her. For now, I’m taking you with me”

Clarke must have looked incredibly confused because he rolled his eyes and threw her something that looked like coat from fur. “Cover your hair girl, they might start looking after they burn Zino but we’re not takin any chances”

She huffed out but obliged and soon they left the cabin and went to his place. It was far to the east a bit isolated from other buildings and wooden, just like the med bay. He came inside and ignored her completely, going to start the fire in something that looked like a really basic stone chimney while she closed the door and shrugged off the cape.

“Don’t they come here?” she asked not moving from her place near the door.

“They’ll think that you ran for your life.” Answered Roan, he was crouching and manoeuvring with the small flame that appeared, coaxing it to grow.

Clarke scoffed a little and busied herself with looking around the building. It was only one room, with the bed in the corner but unlike the alcove in the commander’s place and her room in the cabin it was larger. It also looked way more comfortable that any bed she has ever seen. Next to it was a small table with books and right next to them, there was his sword. She eyed it for a moment until Roan’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts:

“You’ve changed your mid about killing us all?” he was right behind her and honestly she was terrified that he could sneak up on her just like that.

“I don’t really have a chance against everyone in the village.” Her tone was dry and she was going to turn towards him but his hand landed on her hip and her heart started beating faster.

“No but enough to cause trouble for everyone. You could take this little thing.” He moved his hand under her jacket and pulled out the dagger from her belt, raising it so it was in her line of sight. “Dip it in the right poison” his voice was pitched low. “Sink it into Nyko so we would be left without a healer. That’s like a death sentence.”

Clarke took few steps forward disturbed and turned away to face him, her whole posture defensive. “What is wrong with you? Why are you here? You’re not one of them.”

Roan chuckled and threw her weapon to the floor. “It’s still none of your business”

She was fuming with anger and it seemed to amuse him even more. “Unless you want to tell me why you act like you’re fucking haunted.”

She flinched. “None of your business” she bit back and he laughed at her.

“See? But I’m curious now. So how about this, I can leave this place but I can’t really go back to my own clan, do with it what you will. Now. What is wrong with you?” he came closer, his eyes focused on her and she knew this. Intimidation technic but she wasn’t afraid of him not really. She held her chin up and stared him straight in the eye as she considered what exactly she could tell him so he would leave the goddamn subject.

“I haven’t really talked to another human being for a yeah while I was locked in solitary.”

“Why?” he pushed but she was done talking about it.

“It doesn’t matter. I was alone and going crazy and the next thing I know I’m on the ground.” They were quiet for a moment, just looking and she felt her heart pounding in her chest as he examined her. He was close and they were both alive and breathing.

“You don’t look too happy about it” commented Roan and she scoffed again because she was aware just how transparent she was.

“I tried to help keep us alive and so far, I didn’t do such a great job.” There was bitterness in her voice and disbelief in his eyes.

“You’re alive. That’s more than you thought you would have a year ago.” He pressed and she almost smiled. Almost.

“I guess.”

“For the record, you don’t look like you want to keep living. You look like you have a death wish and no one probably noticed but I spend a lot of time with your sorry ass”

Clarke glared at him as he moved closer to her and she snapped: “What do you want to hear? I have a responsibility towards my people, my mood really aren’t that fucking important”

He growled “I want you to get over yourself and start living, the shell of a human isn’t going to help anyone.”

Clarke let out the laugh that sounded a little hysteric, the fury in her rising, she really hated this conversation and he kept pushing and pushing.

“What, you’re some kind of expert? How am I supposed to _live_ ” the last word she spat out as if it was a curse and honestly she didn’t know why she was this angry.

She expected a yelling. It would be familiar comforting even to fight tooth and nail and just let off some of the anger that build up in her and that was coiling in Roan’s muscles. Instead she was pulled forwards by her jacket and his lips landed on hers.

At  first she thought about biting him but he wasn’t waiting for her, he kissed her hard and fast, sloppy and dirty and one of his hands landed in her blonde curls. She was panting and responding and could feel adrenaline rushing through her veins when he pulled away and looked at her with that goddamn amusement: “Feeling alive yet?”

“Fuck you, Roan” she said and pulled him to her to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :>
> 
> If you want to talk, I'm on : [tumblr](http://stainhermouthred.tumblr.com/)  
> And now I'm off to study my Chemistry, bye <3  
> Don't forget to leave a comment :*  
> 6/02/17 UPDATE  
> The worst (best) part is over so expect update in maybe two days ;)


	8. He said that he trusts you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Roan get snarky. And then someone she hasn't expected appears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I passed my exams! Also: this chapter contains my favourite smut ever aka "I don't give fuck I'll write snarky smut"  
> Also I didn't cover everything I wanted in this chapter unfortunately but I didn't want to write a too long one so yeah.  
> We're still in Grounder village and there are some familiar events but and not so favourite face appears!  
> I like this chapter, it might be a bit all over the place and I might come back to rewrite parts of it but honestly I really wanted to write Roan and Clarke. (honestly his only function here was being her ... something.)  
> Also, I really enjoy drama if you haven't noticed.  
> Anyway, read, enjoy, leave kudos if you did and let me know what you think in the comments!

 

His lips were dry and thin and forcing her to cooperate to kiss him back to match him with every move. His hand landed on her hip heavily and pressed her closer, her breath hitching and she needed to pull away to breathe in only to have him literally stole it away from her with another kiss.

Her heart was pounding and it exhilarated her, so far the only reason for her pulse too quicken has been fear. Not the excitement. Desire.  Her back was arched and it was getting uncomfortable so she broke the kiss, pushing him away a little and pulling back, panting, gathering breath while she looked at that man.

 _That_ smirking man. “Stop looking so smug” she snapped at him but it was half-hearted.

“Why, I’m standing in front of the beautiful woman who looks like I have blown her mind with just a kiss”

Clarke snorted and rolled her eyes. “You’d have to do a little more to blow my mind”

He raised his eyebrow at her as if willing her to continue and she could feel the slight blush rising on her cheeks but she wasn’t going to back down now. “Really” he didn’t move but the space between them seemed to shrink considerably either way. “What would I have to do to blow your mind?”

She raised her chin and her eyes were sparkling with mischief, the angry crowd outside not quite forgotten but pushed to the back of her mind as she spoke: “You’re just curious or are you going to follow through?” her voice was teasing and he didn’t quite grin at her but the smile he gave her was better than his usual condescending smirk.

“Sweetheart, I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t going to follow through” he said lowly and that was basically enough for Clarke to pull his head sharply down and crashed her lips against his.

It was rapid and fast and messy and she loved every second of that kiss. Her hands moved to his cape or coat or whatever that was that he had on himself and pulled until it fell to the floor and he nipped at her lower lip making her growl. His hands were firm on her hips, one moving underneath her jacket and shirt and squeezing her waist.

Roan pulled his mouth away from her lips and she whimpered quietly in process but soon enough it landed on her cheek, her jaw…

“You’re too goddamn short” he grumbled and earned himself a glare but soon she yelped as he picked her up and she flailed a little again before putting her legs against his hips. “That’s better” he murmured before latching onto the spot underneath her jaw.

“Don’t fucking mark me” she groaned as she felt the pleasure  slowly rolling in her body, as his hands moved to her ass and was squeezing it, her hips started moving, grazing over his hard on that started and he got more aggressive, biting at her skin, down her neck and pulling at her clothes. “Let me get off” she said, wiggling for him to let her down and he did. She shrugged off her own jacket and when he saw what she was doing he chuckled “You’re really impatient, aren’t you”

“Fuck you Roan”

“That’s the plan.”

He helped her discard her shirt and her bra, taking a moment to grope at her breasts, watching them bounce and playing with her nipples, tweaking them, making them hard, rolling them between his fingers until she was moaning steadily at his every touch.  “You’re quite easy to satisfy” he mused and she huffed, pushing him away and fisting his tunic so she could pull it off.

She knew he was ripped. He had to be. She was still staring and he was shaking, laughing at her and really she would punch him but instead she touched her really cold hand to his warm chest making him hiss and lightly run her fingers down to his abs, she was smirking at him and he rolled  his eyes at her, his hand up, playing with her nipple absent-mindly. She placed small kisses over his chest and moved her hand down, under his pants to close over his cock.

He growled and she gave him a mocking look “You’re quite easy to satisfy” she teased and he pushed her in the direction of the bed, pulling her hand of his pants and unlacing them properly.

“Shut up, Clarke and lose your pants”

She snorted but pulled the zipper down and pushed the jeans down her hips along with her panties while looking greedily at now naked Roan with his strong muscles and half hard length and she wanted him. She really did. Funny thing, he seemed to be just as caught up with her.

“See something you like?” She grinned and he groaned:

“You would be goddamn perfect of you knew when to shut up.”

She just shrugged and definitely didn’t expect him to come to her and push her on the bed without warning. He knelt down by the feet of the bed and spread her legs slowly and she looked at him mildly alarmed.

He kissed her thigh lightly and moved his hand to knead her breast. “You okay?”

She bit the inside of her cheek but nodded. “You look really spooked” his hands kept massaging her body, his breath hot on the insides of her thighs and.

“Just get on with it” she said, suddenly really tense, it was supposed to be fun, she knew but the only one who did that was Finn and it was nothing special, she’d rather do other things.

“Don’t sound too excited” he must have noticed how tense she was because his hands started moving, massaging her body and soothing her. “Relax, I’ll make it worth your while”

He kissed along her skin, waiting for her to relax her muscles and only then he moved to her cunt, he breathed slowly, touching her delicate skin. He pulled her outer lips apart and licked her inner ones slowly, gently.  She released a shuddering breath and he smiled into her, tracing patterns up until he got to the hood of her clit and he teased it with light  touches until her clit grew bigger. He peeled it back and licked her little bud with soft tongue feeling her shake a little but he was almost sure it wasn’t from pleasure, not yet. He traced patterns over her clit, small and careful ones until she twitched underneath him and that was his cue. He touched her entrance with his finger and teased it, listening to her small moans, quiet ones so far, feeling how wet she was. He pulled her little clit  between his lips and applied small suction, making her hips buck up, one of his hand landed on her hip, keeping her still as he sucked a little harder, a louder moan leaving her lips, her arms flailing a little and fisting into the furs. He smiled against her, pushing one of his fingers inside her.

“Roan” her voice was breathy and high-pitched as she felt pleasure coiling down in her insides. His fingers were pushing steadily inside her and the drag of his fingers against her walls felt good, just as good as his mouth pulling at her clit and his tongue lashing at it.

She was louder than she wanted but she couldn’t help herself. It’s not like it was mind numbing pleasure but it felt good and she hasn’t been with someone who actually knew what they were doing and he was working her steadily higher and higher, knocking up the intensity of his suction and his fingers a little making her feel better and better until finally she fell of the edge, climaxing nice and long with a strangled moan, trashing a little, feeling his hands move over her body, soothing her and his lips leaving her clit, giving her few slow licks all over her cunt.

He raised his head and looked at her from between her legs, his beard wet with her juices and his fingers still _inside_ her and he smirked again.

“I would ask if it was good but I guess I have my answer” he  twitched his fingers inside her and she kicked him, prompting him to pull them away.

“You’re an asshole, anyone ever told you that?”

“Now that’s not very nice” he said with mock hurt expression and moved so he was laying above her. “I did make you come just now”

“Do you need a pat on the back for that?” she asked with wide eyes and smirk on her lips and he bit her neck for that while she laughed and reached for his cock. It was hard and thick and there was precum at the tip that she used to jerk him off, looking at his face screwed in pleasure until he spread her legs again and shooshed her hand away from his cock.

“I told you I would blow your mind, let me” he said and she raised her eyebrow, ready to say something snarky but is interrupted at his cock sliding over her cunt, slicking it up before pushing it inside her and her mouth opened a little as she tried to breathe.

“Blew your mind yet?” he asked, his voice a little strangled as he kept pushing inside.

“You wish” she breathed before moaning again as he pushed deeper and deeper until he was buried to the hilt and she had her eyes closed shut and her nails were digging into the skin on his back, trying to get used to his length.

“Clarke, open your eyes” he said against her lips and she obeyed. “You good?”

“Yes. Move.” She whined and moved her hips forcefully.

He huffed out  a short laugh before he started moving, slowly then faster. They’re bodies got covered in sweat and he picked up the pace and it felt so good, she was pushing him closer and closer with her hands on his shoulders, he started grunting and moaning in pleasure, she noticed with amusement that he was as loud as her, when she was getting closer and closer again, she moved her hand to her clit, flicking and rubbing it until she felt the release take over her body, her cunt clenching over Roan’s cock and he fall down a little, as he moved faster, moaning in her neck before pulling off and coming over her thighs and stomach with a growl.

She could feel the lazy smile on her face even if she was covered in sticky cum but he seemed just as blissed out. He laid down on his back, breathing heavily and reaching over next to his bed for a cloth to clean her up. It was nice of him and she was too sleepy to move anyway.  He opened his mouth to say something but she cut in: “Shut up, don’t you dare ruin it, let’s just… sleep.”

He laughed at her and threw the fur on her and getting under it himself. “What about the fire?” she asked sleepily, nuzzling into his pillow.

“You’ll freeze if I put it out now” he said and pulled her closer so her so his chest was against her back and his arm was laying loosely over her waist.

“Are you cuddling me?” she asked disbelieving.

“I will kick you out of my bed and my cabin if you say one more thing I swear, Clarke” he groaned.

“Okay, fine, I’m sorry, so sensitive, my God” she said and wiggled as close to him as she could, her arm resting on his and closed her eyes letting herself rest and not thinking about what was about to happen the next day.

 

Early in the morning they went to the throne room and Clarke wasn’t even a little surprised when guards kicked under her knees sending her to the ground, Roan stood at the back watching and she wondered where the hell was Nyko. Or Anya as a matter of fact, she was told that she would meet her but now that she thought about it longer, it might have been just a public execution. There went the truce.

“Where is Nyko?” she asked the guard but he glared at her and pulled a hood over her face so she was blind. It was getting even worse.

She wasn’t sure just how long was she on the ground but it was unsettling more with every passing second. Were they going to kill her? And then the rest of the hundred? Was she going to meet Anya? Was this some kind of tactic to break her? Because it was starting to work.

She heard some footsteps behind her and she focused. They were too coordinated to be the angry crowd hungry for her blood. And that meant Anya.

“Why is my guest tied down on the ground?” she growled and Clarke heard her walk past her and get further away. “What are you waiting for? Untie her!” she hissed and Clarke was suddenly blinded by the light after her hood was pulled back and someone cut the ties on her wrists.

Anya was looking at with that angry expression and it was not making her feel better than when she was on the ground. To her surprise, Anya turned to the guards behind Clarke.

“What is the meaning of this?”

“Our own died. Zinovia. It’s her fault. She worked with the healer, she probably poisoned her.” Anya’s eyes turned to her and her guts  felt like they were tight into a knot.

“Nyko said that she was whipped. And then than her blood got infected. Is it true?”

“Yes, we call it sepsis.” She wasn’t exactly sure if Anya believed her or the crowd. “I couldn’t save her. I wouldn’t be able to save one of my own people if their blood was this infected.”

Anya nodded before turning to the guards again: “Your healer tells you that it wasn’t her fault and you don’t believe him? He swore an oath to me to protect our tribe. And I trusted Clarke. I expect you to trust Nyko’s judgement but I demand you to have trust in me with this like you did with everything else. No go out and tell these people that there are not to harm my guest.”

The guards walked out and Clarke let out a tiny sight of relief. She wasn’t dying today, that’s good. She and Roan stayed behind.

 “I have nothing to say to you, Clarke. Our warriors are back and in need of medical attention. Go and do your job.”

She was confused for a second but then remembered that Anya just got back, she took another look at the Grounder leader and saw dry blood that wasn’t washed off in her hair and partially on her neck. The cloth that looked like a used bandage on her side. It was subtle and she was probably supposed to let it go but couldn’t.

“Don’t you need medical attention?” she asked and just knew that Roan behind her was rolling his eyes.

“Leave and help my warriors.”

Clarke opened her mouth to say something but Anya left the room without another word so there was nothing to be done than get back to medical. The grounder leader was right, there were a lot of people in need of help.

The blonde went to Nyko and asked him how they were supposed to proceed.

They were working all day starting with these who were suspected of internal bleeding and with abdomen pierced with something that reminded her of how she was helping Finn. She couldn’t do much with internal bleeding, not here anyway but she helped retrieve various pieces from  hopefully not damaging internal organs if it was possible and kept everything as clean as possible. The good news there weren’t all that much people that were seriously injured and turned out Nyko had emergency apprentices who helped.  Bad news was she wasn’t sure just how many they could save. After the day when few people were lost she was exhausted. And she wasn’t the only one. By now she was walking around, checking people for even minor stuff, wary after the last incident with blood infection. Overall it seemed okay. Nyko didn’t exactly say she did a good job and she didn’t really need a metaphorical pat on the back but he nodded at her and his other helpers stopped glaring at her after an hour. The same couldn’t be said about the warriors but they knew what she was doing would help so they could glare but they were doing nothing about it.

When they were finally done late at night she was barely standing, Roan brought her food but she left it untouched and grumbled to come to him later but she had no strength to do that. Nyko could see how exhausted she is and told her to go and sleep for a bit but she needed one more thing:

“Can you check if Anya’s wounds are fine? She ignored me and sent me here but that might because I’m… well me”

Nyko raised his eyebrow at her. “You care about Anya?”

“She made sure I wasn’t murdered today so yeah, I care if she goes down with the infection.” She snapped and he nodded casually before telling her again to get some sleep and walking out.

Clarke was left alone in the medical that was now thankfully empty and walked towards the small alcove at the back and fell down on the makeshift bed. She didn’t remember the last time she was this tired. In a way it was good. Her people weren’t in danger because of a coincidence and she helped to save lives. She could live like that, it was good.

Nyko woke her up way too early for her liking but she didn’t complain, getting to work immediately. She was hungry and tired but there were wounded that needed to be checked on so she pushed it all to the back of her mind.

Until some young woman came into Clarke’s eyes and said with heavy accent: “Someone from your camp is here. Anya said if you don’t recognize him, he dies, she has no time for lying strays”

Clarke’s eyes widened and she wondered who could that be. They wouldn’t send Monty, he was too valuable and she didn’t think Bellamy trusted anyone to come and not screw anything up so that left him. Then another thing, why would he come?  She walked out quietly and saw someone struggling between Anya’s guards and she felt strange mix of disappointment and relief. It wasn’t Bellamy, it couldn’t have been that bad. Then again. Why would someone come?

It was Finn. 

They were standing in the centre of the village, not so far from medical and he was fighting, not very successfully, looking around, searching. Until his eyes fell on her and he stopped, seemingly relieved.

“Release him” she shouted at the guards and they glared at her but asked: “Do you recognize this man?”

“Yes, his name is Finn, he’s one of my people, release him!”

They did. No other word from them and Finn stumbled but went straight to her, tugging her into embrace tight enough to restrict her breathing.

“You’re alive” he mumbled and pulled away one hand going to stroke her face and she pulled away immediately. “You’re alive”

“I am. Come on” she grabbed him by his arm and tugged him to the alcove in the medical. Everyone knew where they were but at the same time, they could talk. Finn was slightly wide eyes at the amount of stuff in the place and the cabin itself but she had no time for this.

He took her hand and tugged her closer. “I thought they killed you. Tortured you” he whispered, looking at her tenderly and it was unwelcome and she had a job to do and she really wanted to know why the hell he came.

“What are you doing here? You’re lucky you weren’t killed! What happened?” her tone was urgent and panicked but she couldn’t help it.

“Clarke…” his voice grew timid and she got even more impatient.

“Say something! Is everyone alright?! Did Bellamy send you?”

Finn looked at her like he wanted to calm her down but reconsidered.

“No, Clarke, it’s not alright. There’s a virus in our camp. A lot of people is bleeding out. Lincoln said there’s no cure for this”

“What?” she whispered. “Is Bellamy alright? And  how did that happen?”

He grimaced when she asked about Bellamy but what did he expect. He was the leader of course she needed to know if he was okay and Finn was acting as if she betrayed him.

“Bellamy’s sick. Octavia’s taking care of him” he said in a clipped tone and Clarke felt like something heavy rested on her chest. Bellamy was sick, who was leading?

“Is it lethal? Who’s leading? Is it serious? And how did this happen?” she was asking questions too fast for him to answer and he seemed to be a little overwhelmed and still not talking. She grabbed him jacket and shook him “Say something!”

“That’s the point Clarke. Lincoln told Bellamy that it was something that the Grounders, his tribe especially, used to weaken armies before attack.”

Clarke took three steps back. He tried to follow but she raised her hands stopping him. Weaken before the attack. But they had a truce… She tried to do good here. She worked and she stayed away from conflict. How did this happen? There was noise outside but she couldn’t focus. Grounders thought that she killed that teenage girl but Anya told them to calm down. Could they do something in the meantime?

“Clarke? You’re really pale” Finn’s voice seemed to come from a distance and she needed to focus. “Look, Bellamy’s better than most. He’s weak yes, some weaker kids died but he’s going to be fine, Lincoln said that if Octavia’s fine then her brother won’t die either.”

“It’s killing people?” Clarke whispered and it grounded her a little. She couldn’t panic. They were counting on her and she needed to make it right.

Tiny voice in her head told her that she wouldn’t be able to give these people their lives back but she shut it out.

Finn nodded wordlessly and she grabbed the sleeve of his jacket.

“What are you doing?” he sounded alarmed.

“We’re going to see Anya.”

Finn protested but it’s not like he could do anything. The Grounders knew her, not him and he brought the news so she needed him. She marched into the throne room, dragging Finn and apparently interrupting some strategic meeting but she was too livid to care.

Guards stood up ready to throw her away but she was looking at Anya. “What do you want?” the grounder leader asked. “And why is he here? I don’t appreciate uninvited guests Clarke” she sounded almost scolding and it was too much.

“By all means, I want him to tell you why he came” she snarled. “And after he does maybe you’ll explain to me what exactly the truce means in your terms.”

“I don’t like your tone Clarke and I am not one of your subjects” Anya was getting annoyed and Finn next to her was fidgeting.

“You’re right. That’s why I ask you to listen to my friend since he came your land uninvited” she calmed her voice and Anya sighed before sending the guards away. “Why are you here?” she asked Finn and he swallowed before saying the same thing as he did to Clarke. With his every word frown on Anya’s forehead deepened and it was worrying. Didn’t she know about it?

“Is Lincoln unharmed?” Anya asked dryly.

“Yes, the disease hasn’t touched him”

“I’m not talking about the disease. If it happened in my village, the first thing would be to cut off Clarke’s head and send it to you while I try to prepare my army.” She said that calmly and while Finn looked shocked Clarke expected nothing less from her.

“He’s fine. People don’t know it was your virus. They just think they’re dying because of radiation or some random disease. Only Bellamy, Octavia and I know the truth.”

Anya nodded. “If he’s alive, bring him to me.”

“I’m sorry what about my people? Or are you going to cut off my head anyway?” Clarke’s anger was rising again.

“Let me ask you something, Clarke” Anya turned to her, clearly irritated. “You seemed to be unwilling to start a war with us.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m about to stand down when you decided to kill us off.”

“The virus is not supposed to kill. I’m sorry that it did but it also didn’t came from under my command. If Lincoln is fine then I’ll find a person who did this. You proved yourself, you deserve as much.” Clarke stood there, not moving, waiting for the other shoe to drop. “If he’s lying and our other healer is dead, then you die. And with you, your people.”

Clarke remembered distinctly thinking the day before that everything was good. She felt like kicking herself for being naïve.

“Unless of course you want war. Revenge. I’ll leave you two to decide and if your friend” he pointed with her chin at Finn “wants to go to get Lincoln, I’ll tell my guards to escort him.”

She left and Clarke waited until she was positive that no one would hear them before turning to Finn:

“Is Lincoln really fine?”

“Yeah, Princess, don’t worry.” Don’t worry. She almost laughed in his face. What was she supposed to do?

She knew that they couldn’t go to war, from what she gathered, the Trikru was huge and it was not the only clan around. What’s worse, the others might be worse and not accept a truce but that wasn’t really her problem since she would end up dead. She considered for a moment if her people had a fighting chance but she honestly doubted it. And Bellamy was sick…

“What did Bellamy said? Why did he send you? He didn’t just want you to inform me they were dying.” There was slight panic in her voice, she was supposed to be a leader and right now it was her move. But she needed him.

Finn looked at her worriedly. “He said that he trusts you.”

_Oh._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw this chapter was supposed to have bellarke interaction but smut turned out to be longer than I anticipated. So next chapter will have bellarke reunion I promise!  
> (btw the whole thing with Anya is here because I have a great idea for bellamy and clarke smut scene but it needs build up. Told you it's a slow burn :>)  
> As always please comment to let me know what you think and you can find me on [tumblr](http://stainhermouthred.tumblr.com/)  
> 09/02/17 UPDATE  
> you can expect another chapter in 2-3 days ;)


	9. Swing the sword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for your comments I love you for them, seriously :D  
> The Grounder village was supposed to be stuff for one chapter but then Roan happened so it grew into three chapters, nevertheless it's time to say goodbye. (I'm the saddest one here, writing Clarke and Roan has been so easy because none of them gives a shit and it's magic to write.) But it's a Bellarke story so time to reunite our co-leaders.  
> Some people hinted in the comments that they would like to see Bellamy jealous over Roan but while I'll take it into consideration, it will not happen until they get together.  
> This chapter is quite light (you know, my idea of light, there's still murder here) but it's needed especially the conversation with Roan since it will come to play later.  
> I hope you'll enjoy they chapter as always comment to let me know what you think ;)
> 
> (btw season 4 of the 100! And the second episode, who cares about build up when shit can hit the fan immediately. In other words: I love it. You?)

 

Finn left half an hour later.

Clarke forced herself to get back to medical but was unable to focus enough so Nyko told her to organize the new supplies so she wouldn’t do something stupid. While she was working, she could hear Anya’s voice outside telling their people what happened in the hundred’s camp.

She was angry with herself for not asking Finn how many exactly has died. Before he left he told  her that Miller was leading so she was at least a little bit calmer. He wasn’t hot headed and people listened to him. Then there was Bellamy. She wanted to make sure that he was okay but couldn’t move from the village. Not until it was resolved. He couldn’t die, she kept telling herself, he was a strong man, not a child like the rest, he’d come through. She wouldn’t be left alone with all of this.

At night she found herself going to Roan’s cabin again. He wasn’t there yet but it didn’t matter. She shrugged off her jacket and sat down on his bed, away from the crowds and tried to figure out her choices. If Anya found the person responsible for spreading the virus, what then? If it went unpunished then what was stopping the rest of the Grounders from wiping them out? And if she punished that person, would they resent them? Probably. Another thing: how many people were going to die from that goddamn virus? Would there be anything for her to go back to?

She could feel fear rising again in her and she breathed in deeply and held it.

And again.

Lincoln would come and they would resolve it. And then she would ask if she could come back to her people.

“Feeling lonely?”                                    

She looked up to see Roan entering and shrugging off his coat. “It’s quiet here” she answered flatly.

“So looking for loneliness? Sorry, I’m not going to abandon my own place just so you can sulk.”

Clarke glared at him but said nothing but that didn’t seem to discourage him. “I’m not sulking.”

“Sure you’re not.” He got rid of his weapons and sat down on the other side of the bed, his back against the wall and his legs outstretched a contrast to her huddled form. “That’s why you’re here and not with Nyko, looking ready to flee to see if your people are safe.”

She turned her head suddenly and looked at him intensely. “ _My people_ are dying right now. Anya’s word wasn’t enough and some of our people has paid with their lives. Yes, I am worried. Wouldn’t you be? If you were in my position?”

Roan looked unfazed as if what she said was something he’s used to deal with. “You’ve got the better part of the deal and Anya wasn’t lying. It’s not supposed to kill.” He sounded almost bored, it was making her angrier.

“What part of my people dying while we agreed to a truce is a better part of the deal?” She was shouting, she didn’t care, it was building in her all day along with panic and fear. Anger.

“Did it ever cross you mind that Anya could take it as an offence that you were accusing her of an act like that despite the truce? She said she would find the guilty one. That’s a good deal. Maybe she’ll even let you kill that person” he was so calm about it, too calm, why couldn’t he lose control? He was unmoving and she preferred rage when they would be in each other faces with anger and shouting where she felt like they were on the same page. This? She was at disadvantage and she hated it.

“I don’t want to kill whoever did that.” She hissed and he raised an eyebrow.

“But you do want the guilty one punished. Dead. Seems only fair that you swing the sword.” He leaned in her direction, his eyes not leaving hers, curiosity evident on his face. She didn’t move an inch even though she felt like squirming under his sight. “Have you ever executed anyone, Clarke? Deemed someone unworthy of leaving and ended their life?”

She couldn’t move under his stare, her voice was dry and emotionless when she answered: “I have killed people.”  She was about to add something but he cut in:

“And you didn’t like it. I’m not saying that you should. But if you want to be a leader, it’s part of it. You can’t back down. It’s weakness. Remember that Clarke when Anya tells you to cut off the traitor’s head.”

She held eye contact with him for a while, trying to hide her emotions. She didn’t want to murder people but he was right what was the choice? If she backed down from punishing the guilty then what would stop the others?

“Who is Bellamy?” Asked Roan leaning back against a wall again.

Clarke frowned. “Why are you asking? Where did you hear that name?”

“Your friend and you talked quite loudly. And you were quite concerned with his health” he looked at her quite pitifully. “You left a lover back in your camp and never told me?” he mocked her.

She blinked and considered answering for a second but then she remembered that she knew next to nothing about him and didn’t owe him an explanation. She thought for a second. “He’s someone I trust.”

He nodded and hasn’t said anything thankfully. She didn’t want to talk about Bellamy, wasn’t sure if she was able to. Not now. “You’re staying?” he asked simply.

“Yes.”

“Then get in here” he lifted the cover a little and she slipped in.

She was laying on her back for a while with her back tense and her thoughts loud. When she turned on her side a little too violently, pulling the covers he sneered at her. She stayed in the same position for a while waiting for him to fall asleep before turning again, still thinking about people who were dead, about Bellamy and whoever else was still sick. Next time she turned he pushed her on her back and kissed her hard knocking her breath out.

“What the fuck Roan?” she demanded when he moved his lips down to her neck, she fisted his hair and pulled his head up.

“You’re not going to sleep and by extension neither will I. If exhausting you is what I need to do to get some rest, I will. Now shut up and I’ll give you few orgasms.”

She glared at him for a moment wondering if she should kick him and leave but then again, there was nothing she could do till the next day. She released the hold on his hair and he got back to her neck, drawing soft moans from her. If he could make her forget for a moment who was she to stop him.

 

When she saw Lincoln next morning she felt like part of the weight on her chest was raised. She believed Finn when he told her that he was safe but she was worried that someone would lash out. He was unharmed though, there wouldn’t be war. She hadn’t seen Finn and when she asked Lincoln he said that Finn started to show symptoms and it was better if he wasn’t spreading it in this village as well. And that was the only information she got really because Anya demanded a meeting with Lincoln and only with him.

It wasn’t helping with her nerves. She should be with Nyko but when she showed up he basically said to her to get lost because she had other things to take care off. She really appreciated the healer of this village and made a mental note to get them their alcohol as soon as possible.

That also meant that she was now basically pacing in front of the throne building impatiently. Around noon, Anya allowed her to come inside and Clarke couldn’t help herself:

“How many of us has died?”

Lincoln didn’t look bad, he seemed a little sleep deprived but had no wounds and it was a relief. She still wasn’t sure what he told Anya and didn’t leave with the best relationship with him but she felt a need to talk to him and ask all these things that she wasn’t sure if she could ask Finn without him doing something rash.

“Seven when I was leaving. People are getting better though” he answered calmly and she bit her tongue not to ask about Bellamy immediately.

“We found a person who infected your camp” Anya spoke. “Lincoln said that he saw her near your people and Roan told me that she had some personal vendetta.”

Clarke mind started racing, people were generally hostile towards her and the only person she knew by name was the woman who attacked her the first day, Roan called her Nastia If she remembered correctly. Then again Anya looked almost bored and as much as Clarke wanted to avoid conflict, her people have been harmed. She couldn’t just let it go. Lincoln was watching her discreetly but his face gave away nothing.

“What now?”

“We wait for two of my generals. Then we hold a trial. I’ll let you two know when you should come back” Anya said.

Clarke looked at Lincoln and asked if they could talk privately, the man agreed and they went into her room in the medical cabin. She gestured awkwardly for him to sit because honestly, she has seen him total three times and one of these has been bad. He didn’t seem even half as nervous as she was and instead was watching her with that quiet calmness. There was no paint on his face and he looked so unthreatening in that moment that she felt a pang of guilt. She thought about apologizing, for what they did to him but she would do something like that again in a heartbeat if it meant saving one of her own so she swallowed down the apology and talked:

“Can you tell me how is my camp? Is Octavia alright? Bellamy?” she asked calmly, he could see how tense she was and it was unnerving.

“Octavia’s fine. Bellamy got sick just as Finn was leaving but he should be fine. The rest started healing.  Don’t worry, Clarke”

“Were they listening? Did anyone harm you?” to her surprise she got a half smile from him.

“I’m pretty sure our experience was similar. A lot of talking behind our backs” she exhaled relieved. “I would tell you more but I think you need to talk to Bellamy.”

“That might be difficult. I’m stuck in your village” she sent him a small smile on her own, he didn’t seem to hold anything against her but then again most of the time she couldn’t tell what he thought.

“Actually, I talked to Anya and she wants to release you soon enough”

Her eyes grew wide “You’re serious?”

“She made her point. And you are considered their leader. There’s nothing else to be done beside establishing eventual trading posts.”

She was so relieved. She hasn’t forgotten that the hundred wasn’t too respectful towards her but there would be no war. It was worth it. Everything was worth it. They could survive.

Lincoln told her some of the minor stuff because as he said, he wasn’t clear on _everything_ that was happening, he mostly kept to medical and to Bellamy’s discomfort, he spent time with Octavia. Monty and few girls were learning from him about plants and he taught some people hand to hand combat. She was a little envious of that. Apparently they got high on jobi nuts by accident and he and Octavia had to make sure no one hurt themselves. She found herself smiling at the life that the deliquents were living.

Then she realized she had one more question. “Can you tell me who Roan is?”

Lincoln looked slightly confused. “Who he is?”

“I know that he’s not Trikru. He said that he can’t go back to his own clan. What clan it is? And why?”

“Clarke, you’re asking the wrong person”

“Please”

“It’s not my secret to tell, sorry Clarke” he smiled apologetically and she sighed but what didn’t know what exactly did she expect.

They talked a little longer until Anya summoned them to the throne room.

There were about eight people standing in the half-circle, men and women with weapons strapped to them, all of them looking tall and strong and intimidating. These must have been generals of Anya who herself was sat on the throne and was staring at the woman kneeling at the floor in the centre. The woman was tied and the second Clarke entered she turned her head and snarled at the blonde. It was definitely Nastia.

“Everyone is here. We can begin the trial” said some woman with black hair standing closest to Anya. The leader nodded and addressed Nastia:

“Nastia kom Trikru you have been accused of not acknowledging the truce between Skikru and Trikru and acting against Skikru. Since out nation are to be treated as one, the crime against them is a crime against us. Your actions resulted in death of few of the Skikru therefore your penalty is death. Is there anything you’d like to say?”

The woman barked out a laugh. “They’re a bunch of kids. You could just take what you want and not play around in a treaty. These people killed my brother. I got my revenge. As was my right.”

“You went against my will.” Said Anya loudly.

“But my family was avenged. The justice would be done if everyone including that blonde bitch would die but I’ll take these few kids’ deaths. For my brother.”

There was a murmur among the generals and Anya pressed her lips into a thin line for a moment before speaking: “Clarke” the girl flinched a little pulling her eyes from Nastia to Anya “The crimes have been against your people so you should be the one to execute it.”

She felt something heavy settle on her chest. Roan mentioned that it could happen but she still felt like she couldn’t do it. She murdered too many people already, she couldn’t look at life escaping underneath her. No. Not again.

 “She’s from your tribe and the crime has been her going against your will. It might have been against my people but in a long shot  it’s your word that should have been respected. It’s not my place to execute her.” She said in a steady tone and while Anya’s expression hasn’t change, the intensity of her eyes on Clarke told her that she knew what the blonde was doing.

“Nastia kom Trikru, Yu gonplei ste odon” She swang her sword and cut Nastia’s throat.

The woman fell down blood flowing from the deep cut on her neck, staining Anya’s sword and the floor of the room. Clarke watched Nastia’s dead body lying there and felt nothing, no sense of rightness, no relief, no remorse. She heard Anya dismissing everyone but her and stood patiently until the room cleared out and there was only her, the grounder leader and Nastia between them in a puddle of blood.

“You can leave tonight.” Said Anya. “You’ve proved yourself, so did your people. I thought they would lash out after the virus but your Bellamy was smart about it. You can have your truce and go back.”

“Thank you” breathed Clarke, the relief almost tangible. It was all she was feeling that day and it was making her happier that was strictly reasonable.

“Lincoln will probably appear in few days to talk about eventual trading. For now? Take care of your people, they should be fine soon.”

“Thank you, Anya”

“Go, Clarke”

She left in a hurry, eager to get back to camp, to make sure people were getting healthy. She walked into the medical cabin to ask Nyko for something to useful to help them but when she stepped into the room he said that there was Roan waiting for her in her room.

She forgot about it for a moment.

Biting the inside of her cheek she walked into the small room to see him sprawled over her small bed. “I know what you did” he said watching her with a frown. “Nicely done, sounded almost as if you believed in what you were saying”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” she snapped. Of course he wouldn’t let that go.

“You do” he stood up and marched towards her, standing so close that she could feel the warmth radiating from his body. She tried looking at him but couldn’t so her eyes were fixed on the floor next to him but he didn’t seem to care “Her people might not have noticed but Anya did. And so did I. Next time it won’t work. If you demand a sentence, swing the sword. Otherwise you’re sending a message that you’re weak.” He said it quietly, making sure she was the only who had a chance to make out the words.

“I know” she whispered and looked at him “I’m leaving” she said a little louder. “Wanna tell me who you are now?”

Roan laughed at her and all the affection she might have felt disappeared under annoyance. “Not gonna happen. Maybe next time. Good luck, Clarke” he smiled at her and walked out leaving her irritated and without answers. As always.

She huffed out a breath and went to Nyko where she got some herbs to cure some of the symptoms. There was no cure so this would have to do. And then she could leave.

It had taken her longer than she expected. The way wasn’t difficult but she was more tired than she expected and she needed a break to sleep in the middle of it. It was early morning when she was in front of the familiar wall and she was mildly terrified of how quiet it was inside. Swallowing the fear that she was lied to and the virus was lethal, she walked closer, trying not to make unnecessary noise but at the same time staying in plain sight. She didn’t feel like getting stabbed by whoever was on the guard. She was about fifteen feet away when she heard:

“Clarke?” she looked up to see Miller with wide eyes and confusion on his face.

She walked faster, calling to him to let her in. When she was inside and the gate was shut she was frozen in place. She wasn’t sure how long she was gone exactly  but there was something that looked like a structure of an actual wooden building standing not so far away from the dropship and she was awed for a good five seconds until Miller called for her again. She turned around to him and did a double take. There was a _rifle_ in his hand. She remembered Bellamy having a gun. _That?_ That was a goddamn _rifle._

“Where the hell have you found this?” she pointed at the weapon.

“The bunker. Bellamy will fill you in. What are you doing here, Clarke? Is the truce holding? People are sick around here, we think it’s radiation” he looked slightly unsettled and her first instinct was to tell him that it wasn’t the radiation but she kept her mouth shut. She wasn’t sure how he would react and she preferred having Bellamy at her side when she broke the news.

“The truce is fine. Anya released me, I have some stuff that should help you with sickness but I need to see Bellamy first. Is he in his tent?” she asked urgently.

“Yeah, he’s sleeping, I think. Octavia’s been checking on him but she’s helping in the dropship right now.” She felt bad for him, he kept his cool but she could see how tense his posture was.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, looking at him, trying to find anything out of the ordinary, she knew that people were bleeding out but he seemed fine.

“I’m good. Bellamy’s not though so good luck talking to him.”

She nodded and walked as fast as she could to his tent. The first thing she noticed was blood. Then him.

He was laying on his side huddled under some orange blanket and looked awful. There was dried blood underneath his eyes and clotted in his hair next to his ears and there was a lot of it next to his bed where he must have coughed it away. His lips were stained as well. And he looked drained. She came closer, carefully, not to wake him and put a hand on his forehead gently. At least he wasn’t burning up. She smoothed his tangled hair from his face. “Come on” she whispered. “You need to be okay.” She wondered if she shouldn’t go to Octavia right now and show her how to make a brew from the herbs she took that helped with fever and other symptoms but the second she stood up, Bellamy started coughing violently and she hovered over him.

“Okay, shhhh, it’s okay” she helped him lean more onto his side so he could spat out even more blood. She rubbed her hand over his back in gentle circles.

He gave her a confused stare “Clarke? What…” he was interrupting with another coughing fit that ended with him throwing up even more blood. She worried, it looked serious but Lincoln said he should be fine. “What are you doing here?” his voice was hoarse and rough and she shushed him again because he sounded like even talking caused him pain.

“Anya released me” she whispered, her hand still moving soothingly on his back. “The truce holds. The person who released the virus is dead.” His eyes narrowed at that.

“Did you?” Clarke shook her head.

“No, Anya killed her. The woman, Nastia, had a trial. It was acknowledged as a betrayal of our truce.” He started coughing again and his eyes were bleeding now. “Lincol said you should be fine soon. How are you feeling?”

He looked pained when he answered: “I don’t want to die” it was quiet and weak and she felt like crying but he was not going to leave her.

“You’re going to be okay. It will pass. I promise.” She was proud of herself that her voice didn’t shook.

“You should leave. You’ll get sick” he coughed even more and she tried not to breathe in too deeply because the smell started making her nauseous.

“The whole goddamn camp is full of this crap so I’m exposed either way. I swear to God, Bellamy I leave for few weeks and you all lay on the floor bleeding out for no reason.” She deadpanned and he looked at her confused for a second until her words registered and the corner of his mouth twitched. She counted that as a win.

“I need to make some medicine, It should help a little. I need to know if I should tell the camp.”  Her voice was slightly uncertain and he looked at her sharply more focused that he had been in the last few minutes.

“Don’t. At least not now. You said it was settled politically, that’s what’s important now. Let them think it was something random.”

“Alright. Get some sleep alright?” she pulled her hand away from his back and brushed his hair from his face again so they wouldn’t get clotted with blood.

“As the Princess commands” he said weakly and he turned his head almost nuzzling her hand and she could see his small smile. He would be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can always find me on [tumblr](http://stainhermouthred.tumblr.com/) ;)  
> and FYI now that we're back at the 100 camp and Clarke has a little perspective and an idea on how Grounder laws work then we can have the nice things. I guess :>  
> btw I wrote the last two chapters in extremely short amount of time and now I've finished another so I'll be taking a little break, think about it as a tiny hiatus. Chapter 10 is going to be up by Tuesday ;)


	10. You stay right here. With me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Thank you for your comments, they mean a lot to me ;)  
> This chapter contains one of my favourite relationships (at least in fanfiction) aka Miller and Clarke's friendship. I know that it seemed unlikely (it still seems like that for Clarke) but I wanted to include it. (btw the first scene is inspired by a scene in Bellarke fic that already exists. I'm so sorry I couldn't found it if I do, you should hit it up, it's awesome).  
> Generally I would say that it's quite a light chapter and it shows something that people pointed out in earlier chapters, mainly: Clarke is hated and has no friends. Yes, it's true but it might be her fault just a little bit, read and find out. 
> 
> If you enjoyed my story please leave kudos and even better: Comments!

 

Three days after she came back, Clarke watched Miller show her how to properly hold a rifle. They have walked away to be at safe distance from the camp after Bellamy, all but pushed her behind the gate where Miller was waiting. “Why exactly am I supposed to learn this?” she asked him after he told her to try and for now hold the weapon.

“You need to learn how to use it in case of emergency.” He answered patiently, adjusting her hold with clinical moves. Apparently it was bad, really bad.

“These are your words or Bellamy’s?” she sassed annoyed. Of course learning to handle guns was important but that didn’t mean she liked it.

Miller sent her something that looked like a half-smile. “Bellamy’s. He’s right though. Now shoot the target.”

She found out that Bellamy and Raven went to the bunker and while it was too disgusting and wet to live there it also had some stuff. Like guns. Guns conserved in oil so they were functional. Raven made fun of Bellamy that he looked like Christmas came early when he saw them and he flipped her off at that. It was easy, effortless and she heard that it was more difficult to keep the guns in check so no one would walk out with one and start shooting Grounders. The guns meant that they weren’t defenceless and if the war did happen, they had a chance. Bellamy also said that she needed to learn to use them and she didn’t like the idea. What’s more she basically slept two nights in the dropship just so he wouldn’t nag her. There were more pressing matters at hand.

Until today where he dragged her outside to waiting Miller. She was a little wary, Miller and her weren’t exactly friendly, he never seemed like he wanted to hurt her but he was hostile most of the time. Although something has shifted lately and she wasn’t sure what but he was quiet, patiently showing her everything.

“Why did Bellamy make you do it? Is that some sort of punishment for you? Or did he really wanted to make me miserable and you were the first one he saw fit to do the job?” she complained and he snorted.

“It’s not a punishment. Now quit stalling and shoot” 

She did and missed by a lot. “Okay, you have to be steadier. Again”

She tried few more times and while these were slightly better, she still missed. “This is a waste of bullets and you know it. King Bellamy will understand if you tell him that I’m hopeless” She said dryly and Miller rolled his eyes.

“Keep shooting and stop being so dramatic. I told you, it’s not a punishment. For neither of us.”

“It feels like one” she’s grumbled but kept shooting. When the bullet hit the tree that it was supposed to, far from the bullseye though, Miller started talking again:

“You were isolating yourself and when half people here want you dead, it’s not a good idea. Bellamy hoped we could get to know each other since I’m protecting you half the time anyway.” He shrugged and she did a double take.

“You were protecting me? And I wasn’t isolating myself!”

“What you have memory problem? And who was with you during meeting with grounder princess? And I don’t know what he told you but people are very eager to kill you. I might not have liked you much but killing you while you were in the dropship with little kids? Low. And yes, you were. Now shoot, we don’t have all day”

She blinked. He came with her to Anya but she was sure it was a onetime thing that Bellamy enforced. She had no idea it had been happening before as well. Miller gave her a stern look and she raised the rifle and shoot again. She missed completely and sighed at her companion’s poorly hidden pity. It was going to be a long day.

Somehow around noon Bellamy came around and watched them.

He was doing that a lot lately.

Most of the camp was fine by the end of her second day, Bellamy was weak on his feet but up by the end of the first one even though she and Octavia told him to rest. He went straight to organizing work with whoever was capable and while he had been busy she had been aware that every time she left the dropship for a moment his eyes were on her. The first few times she thought he simply wanted something from her but when she turned her face in his direction he didn’t move just… stared. It was unnerving.

Right now she felt his staring on the back of her neck as she was shooting, her aim wasn’t particularly fazed by him, she was gradually getting better and she still thought that it was a waste of bullets.

“Don’t you have camp to run?” she snapped when she almost hit bullseye and was proud of herself just enough to be smug.

“The hunting trip is waiting for Miller. And your mother is harassing Raven. I need you two to get back.” He said gruffly and Clarke breathed out with relief, she gave gun to Miller because she really didn’t want to keep holding it and turned to see Bellamy’s face. “You’ll still doing that tomorrow” she tried not to grimace. Really. “I have medical to run you remember? And since you started building shit, it’s a lot more work”

Bellamy gave her a quizzical look. “You know that people have been learning stuff from Lincoln right?”

“Yeah, I told them to get as much knowledge as possible so?”  she didn’t understand what he was saying and judging my Miller’s expression he didn’t know either.

“They can manage without you for minor stuff. You don’t need to stay there all the time” he explained.

She should be happy that they managed without her and that they actually learned from Lincoln. And she was, in a way but it also meant that she wasn’t an asset anymore. Not really. She remembered conversation with Bellamy that she was protected mostly because he convinced the camp that she was their only doctor. Was she the target again? And did she care? She watched calm and collected Bellamy, unaware of her inner crisis. She cursed Roan in her thoughts, of course she cared.

Fuck that guy for making her think about it. “Alright, let’s go. What does my mother want and why are you under impression that I will talk to her?” she asked as they started walking towards the camp.

“She doesn’t believe us that you’re alive. And is being generally unhelpful.” Bellamy shrugged. “Why don’t you want to talk to your mother?”

“I talked to her once” Clarke answered drily. “She knows I’m alive. We told each other everything that there was to tell. That’s it.”

Bellamy didn't push it and she was grateful. When they got back she talked to him for a moment asking what the Ark told them and it wasn’t much. They talked about the bunker and Bellamy mentioned that they hadn’t believed them when he and Raven told them that it was wet and inhabitable and that they wanted them to go check out Mount Weather again but since the truce was barely holding with Clarke at the Grounder’s village they didn’t want to try their luck. The council disagreed and the blonde saw that Bellamy was furious that they didn’t even pretend that their lives weren’t a simple gamble. Something disposable.

“Did they tell when they were planning to get down?” She asked because now that the war wasn’t an immediate threat there was another problem to worry about. The Ark.

“No” he clenched his jaw and looked at her thoughtfully. “I wonder if they’re going to tell us at all.”

“What? You think they’ll just drop down one day so we’ll be so surprised that they’ll take everything over?” she was trying to make it sound like a joke but her tone was too dry, her face was blank.

“Yeah, I do. Now go, talk to the council.” He left her at the entrance to the dropship and she took a deep breath before getting inside and showing Raven that she would take over. The girl made the excused and walked passed Clarke squeezing her arm and mouthing “Thank you” before leaving as fast as she could.

“Clarke!” exclaimed Kane when she took place in front of the screen. “You’re alive!”

“I keep hearing that” she answered flatly. He looked exhausted, they must have been preparing for the drop, she wasn’t sure how much time had passed exactly but it was going to be a month soon. So another month and the Ark would run out of air.

“Clarke?” her mom appeared next to Kane and she looked like she couldn’t believe her own eyes. “You came back”

“I told you it was temporary.” She answered in a voice void of emotions. “Did you decide when are you going to get down here?” she went to work immediately but from the hard stare that Kane gave she already knew that it wasn’t going to be that easy.

“That’s the information that the Chancellor will give you, he’s going to come here soon. In the meantime, you spend the last weeks in Grounder’s village, right?” his tone grew serious.

“Yes.”

“What did you learn?” he asked and looked at her expectantly and Clarke wondered what was his problem.

“Medicine. You should bring as much antibiotics as you can by the way. And some painkillers would be great. We have the brew from willow’s bark but it doesn’t work all that great when the pain’s really strong”

Kane and Abby looked at each other for a second and she didn’t like where it was going.

“What about their military? Their leader?” he asked and honestly she understand that it was important to understand the other clan from every aspect and she should talk. 

She hesitated.

To be honest she wasn’t even sure why. Once she made the brew from Nyko’s herbs and took it to Bellamy she told him everything. From the fact that Anya seemed to be fighting someone at the moment to their laws, the council they had that consisted of generals, the trial, everything really that she managed to observe. And now she wondered if the Ark should know.

“I was a healer there. I wasn’t exactly let on military secrets.” She evaded the question, nevermind that she almost caused the war because the Grounders thought she poisoned a teenager. These were things between her, Anya and now Bellamy.

“You had to hear something.” He insisted and Clarke was about to snap at him but remembered that she needed information.

“Well I didn’t. And I wasn’t about to sneak around, it was important that I was on my best behaviour there. We needed the peace.” She explained patiently.

“Clarke, we understand but…” he started but she wasn’t in the mood to hear about greater good.

“But nothing. When you come down, you won’t have to worry about being killed by the Grounders. That’s enough, trust me.”

She watched Kane and her mother think for a moment. Abby asked: ‘They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“No, mom, they didn’t.” Abby nodded and Jaha entered saving Clarke from awkward conversation with her mother.

“Clarke. You’re alive.” She was tired of hearing that.

“Yes. When are you going to come down and can the first drop be with medicine?” she asked going straight to business.

Jaha looked surprised at her approach and looked at Kane and Abby. “Did you ask her about grounders?”

“She doesn’t know anything” answered her mother and Jaha muttered something about thoughtless teenagers. Clarke bit inside of her cheek not to say something back.

“First drop should be a week from now. Your mother will be on it” he smiled at her politely and it couldn’t get more fake if he tried.

And her mother… she was mad at her yes but Abby was a surgeon. They could use one. “Alright. I’m glad” she gave Abby a small smile and turned to Jaha again. “Do you have any more information for us that could be useful?”

“Not at the moment” he answered and she was actually happy that she could finish this call.

“Alright, I’m sure some parents want to talk to their kids, who should I call?” she wanted to leave and badly.

“Marie”

She left and asked someone to get Marie so she could talk to her family while she went straight to Bellamy who was currently overseeing construction of the building. He was a little uncomfortable because it really wasn’t something that could be left unsupervised but he seemed to hate not being able to hate physically. She thought that he got better end of the deal since it was really hot and everyone was dripping with sweat and drinking a lot of water. She made sure of that after the day before someone decided to collapse from being dehydrated. The building itself, they told her it would be a communal house at least for now. She got to Bellamy and he raised his eyebrows at her. “That was faster than I expected.” He noticed.

“We have a week.” She breathed out careful so no one would overhear.

Honestly she had more and more things that she had to keep from the camp and it was slowly getting to her. “Only a week?” He looked slightly paler and she couldn’t blame him. Jaha pardoned him but really neither of them believed him.

“You need to prepare them” she whispered but he  seemed to be distracted though, his mind somewhere else. He wasn’t as much on edge as he used to be before she left, it felt a little like she was relearning how to deal with him.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. They can’t force us to get back to them”  she said touching his arm and forcing him to focus on her.

“They can kill us easily though.” he said hauntingly and her blood ran cold.

“People won’t allow it” she said and her hand gripped his harder because she needed to ground him. And herself. They weren’t going to die. Bellamy only smiled at her but it was hollow and humourless and she wished he hadn’t.

“Don’t worry, Princess. _You’ll_ be okay.” He put his hand on hers and her untangled her grip gently. She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t what she meant but he didn’t look like he cared much instead turning to yell some instructions at the workers.

Resigned, she went to medical. There really wasn’t all that much to do so she helped out in identifying plants that has been brought by people the day before. There was a lot and most of it she recognized thanks to Nyko but some were a complete mystery still, another reminder that she could be replaced by someone who was more informed.

Raven came over with food at some point and Clarke asked her why wasn’t she eating with the rest of the hundred and Finn. She wasn’t being nosy exactly just really surprised that the girl would choose to spend time with her. At her question Raven grimaced.

“You know when you left things got quite tense for few days”  Clarke tilted her head curiously. She heard facts and with Bellamy they mostly talked about what to do with camp and the future when the Ark will come. Nothing personal beside the deep care about their people.

“Why?”

“Well for once, Finn wouldn’t shut up about you” Raven looked disgusted and the blonde was aware that it didn’t have all that much to do with her in particular just the fact that Finn kept talking about not-his-girlfriend. “Which I get. We were all a little worried but he talked literally all the time. And of course giving shit to Bellamy for ‘making’ you go.” She shook her head. “That was the reason I went with Blake to that bunker I had enough. After we got back, with guns, mind you, so… pretty cool, Finn kept complaining that it was going to end up badly and that Blake will cause a war and get _you_ killed and that he wished that guy would just die.”

Clarke’s eyes widened at that. Even Finn should understand the importance of having something to defend themselves. “What an idiot” mumbled Clarke and Raven barked out a laugh.

“Yeah but that’s not all.” Raven bit down into her piece of meat and chewed for a moment while Clarke was looking at her tapping her fingers impatiently. “People kept making comments about how you were going to screw us all over. Bellamy was walking around really pissed then and said that if he hears one more bad thing about you he would hang someone on the tree for a night. People got better but that doesn’t really change the fact that he seemed to be unhinged without you to have yelling matches with him. I mean he had them with me instead but I have no patience for his ego.”

“He did good though” said Clarke “I mean you’re building a house!” she was really excited about it, she might have seen more solid buildings at Anya’s village but when she was leaving the camp Bellamy was having just plans on making houses and she comes back to it actually happening.

Raven looked at her weirdly. “Yes, Griffin. _We’re_ building a house. Unless you’re planning on leaving again. No one argues that he’s not capable. I’m just saying, he was better with you.”

She was looking at Clarke as if this was the most obvious thing in the world and the blonde felt warmth settle in her chest and tried not to think too much about it. It wasn’t about her specifically, it’s just he needed someone to bring him down sometimes and she had enough spirit to keep doing that.

Bellamy and her didn’t talk to camp about the Ark coming down  that night mostly because the work ended later than usual and Miller came back with people from the hunting trip that meant work.

There was a lot less injuries than usual which was good, meant they knew what they were doing by now but still there was someone who got too close and got  grazed by a boar. She looked up at Bellamy and saw him dealing with the rest of the group while she motioned that the priority would be the guy with the most serious wound.

She didn’t know her patient and it bothered her but there were other things to worry about.  Like the gash on his arm that grounders usually sterilized with red hot steel because pouring alcohol would make it ten times worse. She was going to be loved after this, she thought bitterly but called Miller and Finn for help and dutifully they came, Bellamy watched her concerned but she ignored him, getting back to the dropship.

Clarke turned to her patient who was straight up glaring at her and she tried not to flinch. “I need to cut part of your sleeve off” she said and she snarled at her but allowed her to take a knife and cut off the offending fabric. She must have grazed her wound because she jerked her arm off suddenly making her cut herself with the knife and hiss.

“What’s your name?” She asked trying to be patient she could feel Miller and Finn tense behind her, they haven’t asked why they were here but waited for instructions, she was grateful.

“What do you care you stuck up bitch? Do what you’re supposed to or aren’t you even good enough for this anymore?” Clarke decided to pay the girl no mind as she gripped her arm tightly and cleaned the edges of the wound with alcohol. “Is that why Bellamy send you away? Because you were useless as a doctor? Or was he so bored with you that he hoped you’d get killed? Now you’re back and we’re all really fucking upset” she kept talking, hissing while Clarke flushed the wound lightly with water so there wouldn’t be any dirt in it. “Maybe one day you won’t wake up, princess. We could grand you a quick death, you’d like that?” Clarke wondered who the hell was that girl and what exactly was her problem but there was also coldness in her as she called.

“Finn, Miller. Hold her still.”

She would be lying if she said that she felt nothing while she was heating the knife over the fire and watching the fear appearing at the nameless girl’s face. When the blade was red hot she pressed it into the wound to cauterize it and the girl screamed at the top of her lungs. If Clarke was a good person she’d say that she felt bad for her, in a way she did. The knife hasn’t been pressed a second too long, she wasn’t exactly vicious but the girl was left whimpering either  way and while Miller talked something to her, Clarke saw the look Finn had on his face and felt some hollow satisfaction inside her, he seemed almost scared of her and she wasn’t surprised. If she was a good person she could tell that she didn’t feel that little satisfaction when the girl who hurt her screamed in pain. But Clarke wasn’t a good person and she was sure it had showed on her face during the procedure. She silently  put the bandage over the wound and sent the girl on her way, telling her to check in every day after that she turned around ready to leave the dropship but saw Bellamy at the entrance, looking at her with dark eyes and there wasn’t a hint of fear or judgement in his eyes. Her breathing was a little heavier than usual and she wondered if she should get to him but the second she made a step, Finn grabbed her hand.

“You’re bleeding” he said with concern and Clarke watched Bellamy turn around and leave.

“It’s okay.” She answered without heat and turned around to face Finn. Sweet Finn who cheated on Raven and behaved like it didn’t matter that the girl who followed him to the ground wasn’t something that he wanted. That he preferred Clarke. She watched as he grabbed a rag they used for bandages and took her hand, so gentle, always afraid that she would break, that she should be cherished with that sweetness and gentleness when all it did was make her sick and feel like she was suffocating. He kept doing that after she came back, appearing and leaving with little gestures that once would make her heart fly but now were making her want to strangle him.

“You shouldn’t be the one to do that” he talked quietly as he poured way too much alcohol on her cut and then clumsily tied it around her hand.

“Why not? I enjoyed it” she snapped and he had that look again, that scared expression. If that was what it took for him to leave her alone, so be it. She didn’t  have time for this and preferred Raven as a friend and not a passive aggressive companion because the boyfriend still has a crush.

“You’ve changed” he changed the topic.

“Did I?” she asked coldly.

His brow furrowed. “One day you go to the woods, Blake follows and you two are back and  you’re changed. Almost haunted. Did he do something to you? Did he force himself on you?”

She almost reaches to her neck to touch places where his fingertips once left bruises that were now fully healed and there would be no ache to remind her about the bad things that she’s done. She remembers the pain in her skull after he smashed her into the tree, his hands hurting her… his blood under her fingernails. But Finn wasn’t asking about it.

“No. He wouldn’t. We just realized some things while we were there. It’s nothing you have to worry about it.”

The topic was far from over and she knew that but he didn’t press for now and she would take it for now. She was going to sleep in the dropship again but Raven appeared and asked if she didn’t want to bunk together since Finn was sulking somewhere else again and Clarke wondered what had she done that the older girl was nice to her.

The next evening Bellamy told her that they needed to tell the camp. They were having a party around a bonfire  either way so they could break the news and then people could get drunk to process it.

She was the messenger, Bellamy wasn’t about to make it easier for her. When she mentioned it, there has been shouting that they wouldn’t join the Ark, then some other asking if their parents would be on the first drop and honestly she didn’t have these answers. She told them what she knew, that they would send meds and some actual medics and that Jaha probably wouldn’t be on it. Bellamy hasn’t said a word just stood slightly behind her and watched. When it was clear that she couldn’t tell them anymore she withdrew and he told them to celebrate while they still could.

She ran away to the dropship almost immediately after. Half an hour later she was sitting there and going through herbs that has been gathered and organizing everything. Most of the last few days has been spend on talking to the hundred, the Ark, filling Bellamy in. She spend next to no time in the medical with the exception of today and that crazy girl and what’s even worse Bellamy kept telling her that she didn’t need to get back there since now people knew what they were doing. Perhaps they weren’t complete psychopaths enjoying patient’s pain like her. She honestly had no idea what was going on with her, the only thing that was certain was that she was feeling useless and the girl has hit too close to home with her words.

“What are you still doing here?” Bellamy marched into the dropship holding an apple in his hand and biting in casually.

“I have to take care of these” she motioned for plants that had been laid out to dry so they could be storage during the winter. Standard stuff, she could do it whenever and he knew it.

“It can wait till tomorrow. Come on, Jasper and Monty made moonshine, you can have some fun” he was smiling at her and seemed to be relaxed, she had never seen him like this, certainly not around her and she’s curious about this laid back Bellamy, really. But then she remembered how little she had done and why would she come out really?

“I really want to finish this” she just said and his smile disappeared.

"Are you fucking trying to isolate yourself again?" he snapped angrily and she looked at him confused at the change in his mood. She wasn’t sure what he was talking about but Miller said the same thing and it was annoying.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded.

"There are people there who haven't talked to you in weeks. Who have been worrying about you even before you left when you were so fucking caught up in your guilt that you couldn’t get  out of your own head.  You seemed to be fine after you got back and few days later you're back to acting like no one here cares  about you?"

"You're a goddamn asshole, Bellamy” she hissed. “I don’t go poking around in your relationships on the ground or your conflict with Octavia. What is your problem? Is it because I’m disposable now?"

"What?" he looked genuinely taken aback by her question and took half a step back.

"People know how to manage without me as a healer. I’m no longer an asset as you kept reminding me lately. Should I be afraid that I won’t wake up tomorrow?" She spat out the words that the girl threw at her.

"Are you insane?" he looked at her shocked moving a little towards her but she raised her hand to warn him not to get close.

"You were there when I watched the goddamn kid scream in pain. Anyone could do it though, right? She was telling me that maybe they would make me a favour of killing me in my sleep so if you want to do it better fucking hurry up. That was the plan right? The original one? Have me teach them first aid then kill me"  her tone was venomous and she couldn’t figure out why exactly she went ballistic but she kept talking anyway.

He didn’t seem to be in mood to humour her outburst though and was in front of her faster than she realized. He gripped her under her elbows and brought her close, his face was inches from hers and they were touching everywhere, she was breathing harder looking into his eyes that were so intensely focused on her it was unsettling her but she wasn’t going to back down so she stared back.

"Listen to me carefully Clarke" he said quietly looking her straight in the eye with his breath warm on her face. "No one will kill you. You stay right here. With me." her heart was pounding and he still hasn’t released her.

“Why? You should want me dead.” She looked at him blankly and tried to stop her eyes from getting watery. One of his hands released her arm and moved up her back to the nape of her neck and rested there.

“You need to let go, Clarke.” He whispered.

He was too close, she couldn’t do it. It wasn’t even the proximity, the distance so close that they were basically breathing the same air, their bodies close, his hand on her neck grounding her, no. It was more, so much more. He saw her for what she really was in the woods weeks ago and yet here they were again when he watched her cause and take some of that sick satisfaction in the girl’s pain, she had no illusions that he knew, and yet he was here now, unflinching, steady.

“I don’t deserve it though.” She tried to tear away her eyes from his face but couldn’t. His hand moved to the side of her neck and he was as gentle as Finn but it was nauseating as it was with the other boy, she knew that he was tracing the same places when once his bruises were, she swallowed and he talked.

“You want to live though. That’s an improvement. I forgave you Clarke. You said that Gina never blamed you. It’s time you do the same.” His hand moved higher and wiped away her cheeks. She was crying and she hadn’t really noticed.

“You’re not disposable. I need you more now that the Ark is coming and there are Grounders to worry about and there is so many things to worry about, it’s was a lot harder when you had to leave. We’re partners. I can’t have you running off to every scrapped knee.” He explained patiently, his other hand was still keeping her arm in vice grip and it was getting uncomfortable.

“The camp seems to think you’re about to get rid of me” Clarke said drily, no longer crying.

“Quite the opposite, Princess.” He gave her a small smile and released her taking a step back and she felt like she could breathe freely. “You’re staying and you’re running this camp with me as you always tried to do anyway. By my side. And to do that, you need to let people in, so let’s go”

He looked at her pointedly until she sighed and moved to walk by him to join the party. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? Do you want to tell me what you liked? :D 
> 
> btw as I mentioned before I'm having a break from writing mostly because I have my winter break and I'm going to do fun social stuff this week :D and then back to uni. I can tell you two things though. I wrote a kiss that will happen ... some day. and It's everything I wanted it to be and my friends approve so stay tuned!


	11. The camp could wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um. Hi? It's been a while yeah? First of all sorry that the chapter is so short but I wanted to get this thing going again and it was supposed to be really long to make up for lost time but I honestly am too busy with my goddamn uni (I mean, I love it, it just took two months off my life).  
> There was drama with Kink Meme that I wanted to address but so many amazing people on tumblr already did that I think I'm good with that. I'm basically thinking everything what missmarissa wrote if you're interested.  
> Good news? The Easter is coming up so I might write more then :)  
> Am I happy with this chapter? I don't know yet but I wanted to write and publish SOMETHING.

The party was in full swing when they joined and despite Clarke’s initial protests it was fun when she let go enough to enjoy herself. She spent a healthy amount of time with Raven talking about basically nothing, Monty and Jasper came around and it was nice. 

Octavia was sitting with them as well but was sulking and Raven told her that’s because since Bellamy swore that Lincoln couldn’t be harmed she was basically flirting with the guy all week until he finally gave up and they became a couple. Clarke was sure that she had a really stupid smile on her face through the whole story and Bellamy next to her was scowling. That was the thing with Bellamy tonight, he wouldn’t leave her side.

“Why don’t you just wander off and have fun” She asked him teasingly and Raven snickered next to her.

“He doesn’t have fun anymore. Like ever. All he does is brooding” She explained at Clarke’s expression and she smiled while Bellamy flipped Raven off.

“I could have fun. But Clarke tends to run off so I’m sticking around.” He explained.

Clarke rolled her eyes, she was tense from days of stress and the fact that he was close wasn’t helping, she felt like every muscle in her body was ready for her to fight back whatever he decided to spring at her. Finn was sort of looking at her wistfully and she noticed of course she did but he also seemed to be too scared to come to her when she was sitting with Raven so Clarke guessed that she would stick around the girl.

The mechanic noticed him as well and her eyes grew dark and a little sad and Clarke felt sorry for her. She came to this hell hole for the guy. Just like Wells did for her. She swung back the moonshine quickly letting it burn along the throat hoping it would burn away the pang of guilt she felt. It wasn’t her fault. Whatever Jaha said, Wells was dead but it was not on her. She kept telling herself these like a mantra and hoped that one day she would believe it.

“So how’s the grounder village?” asked Raven casually swinging her drink

“I’m pretty sure Lincoln told you a lot about it” answered Clarke propped against the bench next to the bonfire feeling relaxed from the moonshine and managing to forget that she had Bellamy basically guarding her on the other side of the fire.

“Oh he did. Mostly about customs. I want to know if everyone there is nasty or maybe they’re more like Lincoln threatening on the outside but soft on the inside” She grinned and Octavia threw a cone at her grumbling something under her breath. “Back off, little Blake. Clarke said that he was going to do trades with us, stop sulking” Raven passed her a drink and Octavia downed it quickly not gracing either of them with the response. “So?”

“I don’t know… The only people I really spend time with was Nyko, the healer and the other person wasn’t even Trikru” she mumbled.

Raven eyebrows shot up that. “Who was that other person?”

Clarke frowned trying to come up with a way to describe who Roan was since she knew nothing about him except that he was an asshole, was great with his mouth and made slightly threatening comments.

 “He’s not from there. He’s name is Roan and he has been helping me adjust a little.” She talked and Raven snickered:

“So you made a total one friend during these few weeks? Jesus, your social skills are dead. Lincoln got friendly with  quarter of the camp how can you be so bad at this?”

“I’m not bad! They wanted me dead! A little hard to braid each other’s hair when all they dream about is my head on the spike” Clarke whined drinking another cup and Raven sent her a very unimpressed look but it was Harper who cut in:

“You know, plenty of our people wanted to shoot Lincoln once Bellamy got back with guns.” She noticed.

“Are you people ganging up on me?” she slurred a little with a smile on her face and noticed Bellamy laughing quietly in the distance. She might have had one too many of these drinks but it made her feel better than she had in days so she couldn’t bring herself to regret it.

“Just saying, you have no excuse for being shit at socializing” grinned Harper and passed her cup to Monroe who was half laying in her lap.

It was late and a lot of people has walked away to their tents. The only ones around were the girls, Bellamy and Miller sitting next to him and talking quietly and Jasper with Monty with the batch on moonshine between them taking and refilling their cups. As much as Clarke wanted to avoid people this was nice, she could get used to it.

“She didn’t need to make friends there, she knew she would come back” Finn commented and Clarke completely forgot he was there. He was laying close to Harper and Monroe and was almost invisible in the fading fire.

“Couldn’t hurt, you could get as friendly as Octavia did with Lincoln” Raven grinned and got glares from both Blakes while Clarke forced herself to roll her eyes and not think about Roan and his body.

“Who says I didn’t?” she said cheekily enough to get  a laugh out of people but have no one believe her.  “So did you do anything fun around here or did _he_ ” she pointed at Bellamy with her chin “kept over-working you?”

“You literally wanted to work tonight. You have no right to that judgmental tone, Princess” he called from his place.

“I’m sorry, did someone ask you? I was talking to…” she turned to the girls who were wearing similar amused expression on their faces “Harper. I was asking Harper. Don’t interrupt me” her voice was unsteady and she was drunk enough to ignore him chuckling at her behaviour. Harper was giggling as well and Monroe punched her lightly to get her to calm down but that didn’t really help only made her giggle harder. Raven snorted: “Lightweights. All of you. Even you doc, the only one who can keep up is that grump over there and he’s no fun”

“Watch it Reyes, I’m still responsible for the weekly schedules, I can make you pick through the nuts and berries for all week.” Bellamy threatened half-heartedly and Raven stuck her tongue out at him.

“ _That_ would kill my brain cells and you need my brain so better luck next time, asshole” she held her cup up in mock toast and he did the same before they downed it at the same time Bellamy wincing a little and Raven murmuring “pathetic” under her breath.

Clarke looked at the two of them, moving her head slowly so the world wouldn’t spin too much. “When did you two hit it off?”

“The bunker.” Answered Raven and grinned at glaring Bellamy. “Nothing like dark and mold-y space to bring people together.”

“And guns” chipped in Harper.

“Yeah, and guns.” Raven got another cup of moonshine and tried to pass one to Clarke but the blonde collapsed a little trying to reach for it. “Alright doc, you’re done for the night.”

“No…” whined Clarke but it was muffled by her face pressed into Raven’s thigh. The girl patted her hair awkwardly the blonde nuzzled her face against her thigh which was followed by the fresh set of giggles from Harper and Monroe. “Come on, Clarke, I know I told you to bunk with me but I meant my tent” teased Raven and moment later Clarke felt hands on her waist pulling her up. The angle was too weird for it to be Raven so she opened her eyes to see Bellamy.

“Come on, Princess. Off we go.”

“But I bunk with Raven” she said.

“I know Raven enough, she’ll stay around a lot longer and you drank a lot, you’re coming with me, I’ll keep an eye on you” he explained quietly.

“I don’t need a babysitter” she spat out.

“No but you’re wasted and some kid did threaten to with death today, I’ll feel better if you come with me.” His voice was quiet and she was sure that the only one that could hear them was Raven. Through the fog of her mind she remembered that the girl has been spluttering something about killing her and with a heavy sigh she let herself be pulled up to her feet.

Ground seem to move underneath her and he steadied her with an arm around her waist, the world kept spinning but she was a little grounded. “This is your fault anyway” she mumbled.

“How is that my fault?” they were walking painfully slowly because of her but she was drunker than she thought.

“You wanted me to come out and have fun” she stumbled over something probably her own feet and he tightened his grip on her to keep her upright.

“And you did” she could _hear_ the smirk he had.

“Not so much now” she grumbled. “We need to talk about trading with the Grounders”

Bellamy huffed out a laugh. “Right now?”

She murmured something but it wasn’t clear enough for him to understand. They got to his tent and she looked longingly at his bed for a second before collapsing onto it.

“At least take of your shoes” his voice was filled with that easy amusement that didn’t seem to leave him since they went to the party. She groaned into the pillow but rose to start unlacing her boots, watching him get rid of his own clothes. “Raven told me something. That you were really fucking terrible to be around after I left.”

“Raven talks a lot”

“And then” she was talking slowly trying to get her point across “you tell me that you need me as your co-leader. I also guess that dragging me to that party was your version of being nice to me which is weird so why?” she waited for him to throw his jacket on the side and put away his shoes before sitting on the bed next to her and answering:

“Some of these assholes and I’m not talking about Harper or Raven, came to the conclusion that you’re afraid of them and that’s why you don’t come out. I have no idea why, they saw you pull a knife on Dax. You need to be around them Clarke, they need to see you as a leader, everyone.” He explained. Clarke tilted her head looking at him curiously and feeling suddenly very sleepy but she needed one more answer:

“What about what Raven said?”  she yawned but thought with the fog threatening to overtake her mind.

“Remember our talk by the river?” he asked carefully and her hand flied up to her neck immediately, tracing the places where her bruises used to be, Bellamy watched it with something that wasn’t quite remorse but something close to it.

“Vividly” she said drily sleepiness disappearing immediately.

“You didn’t turn away. I mean Raven shocked him but it was insanely personal for her, the only family she had was dying but the two of us? We did that to our people. To protect them”  he answered gravely and she frowned at him.

“Is this your messed up way to tell me that you were a dick because you missed me?”

“Something like that. It was nice, having someone who like me  was willing to do anything, to do something awful if that meant protecting our people.” He shrugged his shoulders and she bumped him with his trying to keep her eyes open.

“You’re being nice again. Weird.” She said almost fondly and yawned again. She crawled under the covers without another word and settled comfortably feeling the furs moving as he did the same.

She dreamed about blood and screams of these who had died on her watch. To make everything worse her last conversation with Roan was haunting her. That she would have to kill, that it was the fate of the leaders to make judgments and punish people.

Clarke was shook awake and sat up suddenly her hand flying underneath her pillow and the panic in her throat rising when she didn’t find her knife there. Her hand flew up instinctively to the persons eyes until her mind caught up a second later and she was staring at Bellamy hands raised in the air “Calm down, Princess, it’s just me”

She breathed out heavily in relief and dropped her hands. “What’s happening?”

“You slept in enough” he gave her a toothy grin. “And one of the kids got hurt. You said that the kid at the Grounders died from infection, I don’t want that here. Take a look at him”

Clarke nodded and tried to get up quickly but the second she changed position she swayed a little and only a steady hand on her forearm kept he upright. “Fuck, never drinking again” she murmured closing her eyes waiting for the world to stop spinning.

“Sure Princess” he answered teasingly. “Are you good? You won’t help him if you’re barely alive.” He frowned and she opened her eyes immediately.

“I’m good. I’ll drink some water and I can go” she answered quickly and tried to move past him but his hand was still firm on her,  his eyes looking over her face like he was judging if she was lying. His hand was warm on her skin, firm but nor bruising and his face with the light frown seemed to express actual concern. “Bellamy, let me go” she said slowly.

He licked his lips and closed his eyes for a second. “If anything happens, find me, okay? Or tell someone to get me” she rolled her eyes and his grip hasn’t changed. “Clarke, promise me” his eyes grew darker and she answered carelessly:

“Okay, I will. I’m going to check on Mark now.” She gave him a tight smile and pulled her hand away sharply. She looked around locating her shoes and pulling them on her feet quickly before she left the tent.

Clarke walked to the dropship and met Mark, a thirteen year old boy who was laying on the table breathing heavily. One of the girls was tending to him, cleaning the wound as efficiently as she could and when she saw the blonde she made a move to leave but Clarke told her to keep doing her work while she checked the boy’s vitals as best as she could without anything. It’s not like infection would show immediately but she felt better doing that anyway.

When the girl, whose name was Joy, ended with the cleaning, they made the quick antibiotic poultice and made sure to give him a willow brew but Clarke doubted it would help much. Again, she didn’t like that the Ark was coming but at least they would bring medicine.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, she still got threatened but it didn’t make impression on her, she learned a trick or two so she probably could defend herself not to mention that when Raven heard that Clarke was being promised a long and painful death, she swore that she would electrocute the next person who said something like that again.

When the evening set she was sitting by the fire with Harper and Monty talking about their lives before, she got to know that Monty missed his parents terribly and that Harper hoped to never see her father again. She didn’t mind the Ark coming just would like to stay independent person which could be difficult.

“Jasper and I talked if they won’t just throw us into jail again” Monty mentioned and Clarke looked at him with the most sincere expression she could master:

“They won’t. We know the ground and they don’t, we’re valuable to them” She gave him a half-smile. She hated lying. “And the truce with the Grounders is with us not them. They can’t have it without us.” That was a little closer to the truth.

The more she thought about the Ark the more distracted she got and when Harper had to repeat her question few times to get her attention Clarke said that she was tired and she was going to bed.

She hasn’t seen Bellamy all day and they needed to talk about what they were going to do once the adults are down here. It was quiet and dark in his tent and she wondered if he was even there but nevertheless she came inside  not bothering to call out or let him know in any other way that she was coming.

He was _asleep._

She really couldn’t  remember the time when she was awake long enough to see him sleeping with the exception of her first night back.

But then he was sick and looked half-dead and now he was relaxed and looked almost peaceful. He was laying on his bac, his body wasn’t tense and face was free from lines of worrying. He was vulnerable. She wanted to wake him up for a second, they _really_ needed to talk about what was going to happen but then she realized that it was one of the more peaceful days and he probably slept a lot less than she did. She turned to exit the tent but tripped over something a little, cursing out loud and then in her mind for making a noise.

“Clarke?” the voice was roughened with sleep and uncertain but when she turned her head she noticed that one of his hands was on his gun. Always ready.

“Hey, sorry, didn’t think you’d be asleep” she whispered. “I’ll go”

“You can stay if you want” he mumbled and she knew that he was exhausted from what Harper said he spent all damn day building the community house. His eyes were barely open and he really needed his rest.

“You’re exhausted, I’m not talking to you unless you can keep your eyes open for more than half a second”

“Stay anyway” he yawned and put his gun away closing his eyes for good.

They needed to talk in the morning, she thought as she got rid of unnecessary clothes, that was the reason while she was slipping in next to him. It was frightening how used she was to sleeping next to him. How she trusted him to have her back in the emergency considering their rocky start. She got underneath the fur feeling the warmth that was radiating from him and moving a little closer. She bumped into his hand and he hissed something that she was like ice and pulled closer to him with one hand which earned a gasp from her. She was partially pressed into his side and was warm and comfortable and calmed down by his steady breathing.  The camp could wait till morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well if you enjoyed leave kudos and comment and in exchange I promise the next update won't be after two months :D  
> Hit me up on tumblr [tumblr](http://stainhermouthred.tumblr.com/)


	12. The crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your lovely comments <3  
> Btw I keep getting distracted by various scenes and I can't get to the point, I'm not sure if that's good but jumping from one point to another without any interactions in between seems forced and unnatural.  
> Anyway enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think and leave kudos if you enjoyed ;)  
> Btw I know that I haven't gotten around to replying to your comments from last chapter but I would appreciate your thoughts on yhe chapter ;)

They had few days before the Ark was coming down. 

Bellamy and Clarke spent a long time in the morning discussing what were they going to do. Clarke mentioned just leaving this place, not even meaning it but Bellamy gave her a hard stare at that.

“No, this is our home now. We built a life to ourselves here, we are  not leaving.”

She didn’t argue because honestly she agreed with him. This was their home, these few tents and an unfinished building. Leaving to start over seemed awful.

“We need their meds” she mentioned.

“Then we can trade. Just like we’re going to do with Grounders” grumbled Bellamy and she felt the pang of irritation at his tone. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath gathering her hair in a ponytail to keep it out of her face. They needed to leave to the camp soon, the hundred needed to feel like it was supervised

 “What if…” she mentioned Bellamy opening his mouth to interrupt her but she glared and held out her hand to stop him before continuing. “What if they come out with their fire and families of the hundred? Will we ask the children to shoot to their parents?”

“They wouldn’t do that” said Bellamy through his teeth.

“You sure?” she raised her eyebrow and waited for him to remember that they had no problem experimenting on a kidnapped girl. And murdering people on the whim because the air was running out. Clarke watched his frame tense even more and she felt a pang of guilt that she chipped in to that first thing in the morning.

_She woke up being warm and feeling better that she had in days. Once she started coming to she realized that her back was pressed into Bellamy’s side like it was at night but his arm was holding her tighter with his hand splayed widely across her hip keeping her  in place. She could feel that he was awake tracing circles on her hip with his thumb and his breath at the top of her head. Clarke looked up at him and met his eyes unintentionally, he didn’t seem quite as flustered as her, meeting her blue eyes calmly, his thumb caressing her hip slower but still there. Opening her mouth she tried to come up with something to say, anything, not to let something so small feel like more and unfortunately there was one thing that they just had to talk about:_

_“What are we going to do once they come down?”_

“Look” he said hurriedly. “We still have you. Just tell them that if they try to take our freedom, they will have to deal with the Grounders and with Jaha’s attitude it won’t go well. But yes if they try to arrest us or kill any of us, we open fire”

Clarke looked at him with an amused expression purposefully letting the part about fight slide. “ _Attitude?_ You’re talking about attitude _”_

“Shut up. I let you go to the Grounders, our only doctor, Jaha wouldn’t do that”

“I didn’t need your permission” she huffed out and his eyes narrowed when he looked at her.

“I would have tied you to the dropship if I hadn’t agreed. I would do that if that meant keeping you safe. But I trusted you and you trusted that truce.” He was talking slowly and carefully as if he had to make sure that she would understand every word.

“You sound like a psychopath when you talk like that” commented Clarke drily trying to supress the emotions inside her.

“It’s true though.”

She was feeling a little lightheaded and realized that she was holding her breath, waiting for a follow up but it never came. No buts or explanations just the confirmation of his earlier words like it was a universal truth. She opened her mouth ready to answer his tell him anything but the second she formed a sentence in her head there was a loud yelling from outside.

Bellamy cursed loudly at that and Clarke huffed out a laugh: “We need to get back.”

Reluctantly they made their way to the exit and he kept the flap of the tent to keep it out of her way. Clarke saw a lot of heads turn at the sight of them and rose her head up as she made her way to the medbay while Bellamy was barking out orders. She noticed Raven giving her curious looks and was sure that the mechanic would corner her sooner or later about this arrangement with Bellamy.

The kids in med bay weren’t in any particular danger but she checked on these who came in anyway giving them seaweed poultice and bandages for larger body areas. She sneaked some glances at the construction site, they were putting up walls slowly and she was amazed at the progress they were making. Beside that the camp was pretty quiet, Bellamy announced that everyone that isn’t building is out gathering roots, berries, nuts, anything they knew that was edible.

She barely made a step in the direction of the gate  and he barked that she and Raven are staying in the goddamn camp because he wasn’t going to stitch people himself. They stayed and tried to help with the construction but while Raven got to at least pass something, Clarke had a steady stream of people who didn’t had injuries but seemed to just want a break.

The mechanic mentioned that Abby wanted to talk to  her but Clarke only asked if this was something Jaha or Kane could handle and when it was declined she refused. Raven told her she was being a brat, she told her to fuck off.

To tell that the day has been a nightmare wouldn’t be enough. The wall has fallen down halfway through at the end of the day and while no one was seriously injured the work they did that day was lost which made everyone pretty pissed. Then the gathering trip came back. With three dead bodies.

“What the hell happened?” she yelled as she ran towards carrying the kids. Their faces were almost purple and bodies stiff and slightly bend in an unnatural way. She recognized them, two sixteen year old girls and a fourteen year old boy. Someone should tell their parents – that was her first thought.

“Come on, let’s get them out of the sight” she said not taking her eyes off the kids. People brought them to the dropship and as they laid them down she took a closer look.

The boy lied the closest so she came closer and pushed his hand up to observe the dark veins on his neck, the clear indication of poison. She turn to Monroe:

“Were they attacked?” she asked frowning and to her surprise Monroe gave a slightly hysterical laugh.

“No. They ate some shit.”

“What?”

“Talk about dumb way to die” said Monroe in a flat voice. “I mean you and Monty and then Lincoln kept drilling into us to not gather let alone eat stuff that we are not sure of. But Axel here insisted that he knew that plant so they ate the fruit.”

“Do you have it? The plant?” asked Clarke but the girl shook her head.

“We were afraid to even touch it after that. Plus what if someone ate it in here by accident? The fruit looks like a blueberry. Bree can sketch it later if you want but right now she’s pretty shook. She was the closest to them when they started convulsing and choking.”

“Alright.”

Clarke knew it was an accident. Everyone did. But keeping them alive has been difficult enough without them doing stupid shit. She took Bellamy to the side and told him flat out that they needed to drill it into people again.

“Everyone saw” he spat out. He was drenched with sweat from working all day, his face alert but betraying his tiredness.

“They need a reminder.” She insisted.

“Cut the crap, if dead bodies aren’t clear enough for these people then they don’t deserve to survive this” he hissed.

“How can you even say that?” she raised her voice, not caring that they were in the middle of the camp and were gathering an audience slowly. It was late, she had to focus to make out most of the faces but it didn’t matter, she turned her attention back to the man in front of her.

“Truth hurts Princess?” he said with malice in his voice and she felt anger rising up in her.

“These are _our_ people” she glared at him. “All of them.”

He gave something that sounded like half snort half snarl and threw his hands up in disbelief. “We can’t fucking protect them from themselves and yeah that includes complete stupidity because that’s what their deaths were, Princess! Something _stupid.”_

“We do what we can!”

“Exactly. And we can do nothing here. What we _can_ do is let all people who worked the whole goddamn day gathering or building for nothing rest”

“Great. Dead and forgotten, right Bellamy?” she didn’t exactly mean what she said but she was just as angry as everyone. That their work was futile, that the kids died a dumb death.

Bellamy took a step towards her leaning in slightly and saying quietly but clearly:

“We can’t do anything for the dead Clarke. We can’t even avenge them. What the fuck do you suggest? Beside wasting everyone’s time of course”

They were staring at each other for a while, anger sparkling between them and both unwilling to break first. Finally Clarke threw her hands in the air. “I need to tell their parents, you need to find someone who will dig the graves”

“It’s late, you can talk to them tomorrow” noticed Bellamy and Clarke grew even angrier.

“Fine, whatever, go the hell away Bellamy and I’ll take care of the bodies” she huffed out and marched away quickly. She felt him cursing behind her but ignored it.

In the end she got Miller and Finn to help her with the bodies. Finn tried to comment about just what an insensitive asshole Bellamy was but she just flat out agreed and told him to keep shovelling. She wasn’t in the mood and she honestly liked Miller a lot more when she realized that he didn’t try to chat her up with mindless shit unlike the other boy. 

When they were done with the girls Bellamy came. “You can go back, I’ll finish it up” he said and Miller moved without a word while Finn lingered glancing at  the leaders with suspicion but finally following.

Clarke was looking at him with her body tense, getting ready for another round of fighting but he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk at all. “I meant _all_ of you. I’ll bury him. Go sleep” he grumbled.

“I’ll help, we’ll finish faster.”

She started shovelling ignoring her back and muscles in her legs that were falling asleep. Bellamy took the shovel which was just a wider piece of metal that Miller left behind and started from the other side. They didn’t say a word focusing on their work, basically ignoring each other through the whole ordeal, thinking not about the other person but about the soreness that was settling in their muscles.

It took them a long time but finally the boy was buried. They stood there for a second with their task done but no words to offer. The silence between them was stifling but she had no desire to break it so she turned around to get back to. She made her way in the direction of Raven’s tent when she felt Bellamy closing his hand around her forearm. Not forcefully but enough to stop her. She whipped her head in his direction and hissed:

“What?”

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked calmly.

“To sleep. Didn’t you say we deserve the rest?”

“My tent is the other way”

Clarke pulled her arm away from his grasp easily. “You and I? We’re not okay right now. I’m bunking with Raven.”

He let her go.

The only thing she thought about was sleep but life had other ideas and when she crawled into the sleeping mechanic’s tent she woke up. “Clarke?”

“You told me I could bunk with you. So I am” she said yawning and wiggling underneath the cover without invitation. Raven was warm and that was about enough to make it the most comfortable place she could imagine right now to sleep. She was exhausted.

“What’s up with you and Blake?” asked Raven sounding way too awake for Clarke’s liking.

“We had a fight. Pretty sure you saw. Everyone saw.”

Raven propped herself up on her elbow and looked at Clarke: “I didn’t mean today. One moment you’re at each other throats, then you come out of his tent in the morning. Is it like hate fuck sort of thing?”

“We’re not fucking” mumbled Clarke. “Just trying to keep the hundred alive”

“And sleeping in the same bed. That’s not normal, Griffin”

Clarke gave her a crooked grin: “I’m sleeping with you today, is that weird?”

Raven barked out a short laugh. “No, but I didn’t went nuts after you left and didn’t have weird stare-offs with you lately. I think we’re pretty normal on a scale”

“A scale?” she asked disbelieving.

“Yeah, you and Blake are somewhere on the level ‘fucked up but it works for you’.”  Raven grinned at her and  yawned.

“Sleep” said Clarke yawning herself and burying her face into the pillow. She hoped that Raven wouldn’t bring it up again. At least not now.

The next week wasn’t much better. Somehow she couldn’t make it work with Bellamy, their opinions always clashing and that ended up in screaming matches. The whole week she slept at Raven’s tent ignoring the fact that he was watching her as she walked there in the evening but she knew that if they were in close proximity the fight would just erupt without them meaning it too.

And she worried. They needed to present the united front when the Ark would come down but just… couldn’t. It was supposed to get down in two days, she spoke a lot with both Jaha and Kane about making place for them close to the camp, there was supposed to be relatively small drop with hundred people or so, mostly medical supplies. She sent Octavia and two other people to the Grounder village to let them now that the drop was happening. Or maybe “sent” wasn’t the right word, she mentioned it in passing and Octavia jumped at the opportunity and organized the rest of the trip.

It was another reason why she had a fight with Bellamy that morning.

“She wanted to go, you and I both know nothing can stop her. I could approve and know where she is _or_ tell her to stay only for her to sneak out. Alone!” She yelled when he accused her of using Octavia.

“You knew what I thought of this” he said leaning over her, his eyes furious.

“I did and I decided to do it anyway” her tone was cold and calm and it was making him angrier. “It’s the best decision I could make without leaving myself. And even then I’m sure your sister would follow me. So fuck off Bellamy, don’t you have a hunting trip?”

They parted angry sending glares towards each other and when the gate after the team closed Clarke exhaled with relief. She had enough on her plate without Bellamy’s yelling.

“What the hell is wrong with you two?” Miller appeared at her side and she eyed him cautiously wondering why did he care.

“He’s being irrational asshole. That’s what’s wrong.”

“You realize that he’s sure that he’ll get killed without even getting questioned the second some guard sees him, right?”  asked Miller casually while they walked to the smokehouse to make place for the new supplies that hopefully were coming later.

Clarke swallowed hard because yes, they talked about it. He mentioned it in passing. She just hasn’t expected it to affect everything, affect their work to lead the hundred. Although that explained why he was on edge constantly. They needed to hash it out.

“Hey, Clarke!” Raven called just as they were going to reach the smokehouse. “I need your help, we lost contact with the Ark”

Helping Raven was mainly sitting on front of the monitor and telling her that no, nothing has changed, there is still only static. When the mechanic made sure that everything was okay  on their end they started thinking what could go wrong on the Ark.

“Maybe some system failed? You know, the goddamn  thing had over 90 years, machines break” said Clarke absent-mindly.

“I was _working_ there. The engineers we have? They would have figured it out.” Said Raven. They were sitting on the floor of the dropship leaning against the wall and just… trying to figure it out. When Miller came to see how things were going Clarke asked him to keep people away. So they wouldn’t know. Not yet.

Funny thing with keeping secrets. She didn’t exactly want to keep this from the people, she just needed to make sure that they got her version of the truth. The controlled one that wouldn’t raise panic like gossips would.

“Maybe they are focused on dropships. Why waste energy on the contact when they are going to be down anyway?”

“Maybe you’re right.” Mumbled Raven. “Your mom will be on that one. Pretty sure you can’t ignore her forever”

Clarke closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead for a second. “And why not?” it was weak and she realized that.

“She’s not a bad person, Clarke.”

Raven knew the fracture of the truth. The one were Abby was responsible for Clarke’s dad being floated. She heard it once by accident and didn’t comment on it. There was more. That secret that Jaha and Kane and her mother made sure she kept to herself.

She shuddered visibly at the reminder of the cold cell. The emptiness, no sounds, no one to talk to for months. The guilt that was killing her. Just how much she wanted to die there. How she debated if plastic spoon would be enough to pierce her own artery. Would she have enough strength to do it.

“Clarke!” Raven’s voice brought her back and she turned quickly asking what she was saying.

“That you will talk one day and get it together, what happened just now? You completely zoned out”

Clarke shook her head. “Nothing. Let me know if something changes with the radio, I’ll help with supplies”

She made it to the smokehouse. She was working quietly with Miller for maybe two hours. The sun was slowly setting and the hunting group should come back soon and she made herself a promise to talk to Bellamy so they could make it right between them before the Ark came.

But the Ark came before Bellamy made it back.

It crashed.

She was finishing up with setting new hooks up for meat when there was yelling from outside and she and Miller ran to see what was the emergency. The kids were pointing at the sky and she saw a dropship similar to their own falling  from the sky.

The kids were talking over each other excited that someone was coming that they didn’t notice what she and Miller did.

“Too fast” he said quietly.

She didn’t speak. Just watched the dropship fall down at the way too high speed and crashing.

No one could survive that. And if they did, being unlucky, there was an explosion there right after, a small one but an explosion as if some of the fuel lit up. Somehow in the back on her mind it registered that her mother was on that ship. Her parents were gone.

The kids were yelling and she needed to tell them something to calm them down but she couldn’t move. “What am I supposed to tell them?” she spoke to no one in particular but felt a hand on her elbow steady and warm a little smaller than what she was used to with Bellamy.

“That it was almost empty. The first one was supposed to be with supplies mostly. Not the families.” She nodded, hearing but not listening and he moved to stand in her line of sight. Her vision cleared a little.

Raven just said that she can’t ignore her mother forever. It’s almost like she got her wish. She felt panic arising in her chest and Miller tightened his grip. “Clarke, focus.”

She shook her head again and this time looked at him, really looked. He seemed to notice that she was back and gave her a little push. “You’re a leader. Calm them down.”

In retrospect she didn’t remember what she said to the crowd. She remembered her heartbeat being so loud she barely hear them yelling in panic. But she calmed them down somehow. Because that’s what her people needed. The beat of her heart was louder and louder and she heard Raven again how she said that her mother wasn’t that bad.

Clarke strongly disagreed. She also realized that after everything she has done, she might be a lot worse than her mother.

It didn’t matter now.

Miller took her to some tent and sat her down before taking place next to  her. She was in shock, she realized that but the rational part was shut down and the cold numbness and invasive thoughts took its place. They sat in silence but it was okay, to not be alone.

She really didn’t want to talk to her mother when the dropship would come. She hasn’t even thought about making peace with her but it was an option, one that she was unwilling to take but it was there. Now? There was no choice to be made. She lost her forever.

The tears started suddenly and she didn’t move to wipe them away. She noticed Miller telling someone to get the fuck out and she was grateful for that. She also wondered was she in his tent and glanced around. There was a folded shirt in a familiar colour. A gun. Her comb.

She knew where she was.

“Is she okay?” a deep voice and someone entering the tent.

Miller took her to Bellamy’s tent and they were back from the hunting. The boy next to her shrugged a little. “She doesn’t talk.  You got her?”

“Yeah, go”

Clarke shut her eyes again. She was supposed to talk to him about the Ark but there was nothing to talk about now. She felt fresh tears fall down her cheeks and heard a movement before gentle hands were wiping the wetness from her face.  “Clarke” Bellamy said quietly. She heard her name so many times today. She hated it.

She felt loneliness comparable to the one from her cell. Rationally, it couldn’t be it, then she was alone with her thoughts for months. But how was she supposed to be rational right now?  She felt Bellamy move away and that feeling amplified in a second. She might have rejected her mother but she knew deep inside that she was loved.

“Shhh, Princess, you’ll be okay” his voice came from behind her and she remembered that she told it to Atom before she stabbed him. The sobs were wrecking her body and she was slipping.

His arms went around her waist and moved her so she was sitting across his lap, his hand moving one to her leg, tracing some mindless patterns and another was around her waist. Keeping her in place. She was crying into his shoulder her sobs less frequent.

“I thought she was a monster” she whimpered and he squeezed her a little tighter, his hand that was on her waist moving to her back and going up. Slowly. She was so focused on the slow path of his fingers going over every bump in the spine that she stopped what she was saying, her breathing evened out a bit. His hand went to her hair and started getting it off her face where it got plastered because of the moisture. “And look what I’ve done. I haven’t even considered forgiving her”

“Clarke” his voice was calm and sad and that’s all she could tell with her face pressed into his arm, soaking his T-shirt with her tears. “Look at me, Princess” he was stroking her hair slowly and he was gentle with her. It never happened. They weren’t soft and gentle, their relationship was all fire in their hearts and blood on their hands.

But now, he was gentle. Comforting. She opened her eyes slowly and pulled away a little so she had a clear view of his face. He seemed worried, the wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows and mouth slightly opened as if he wasn’t sure if what he was about to tell her would be alright.

“I know that she’s probably dead. I know that you grieve. But you didn’t need to tell her, she knew that you would let go someday” his voice was patient and really, she realized that although she told him everything lately, she left out the worst part. Not the worst thing she’s done, he knew that already.

“I don’t know.” She whispered. “You know what makes me terrible? I might understand her action but I will never forgive her one thing. A solitary.” She felt more tears streaming down her face and saw confusion on  his face. “and now it doesn’t matter because she’s dead. I can’t even forgive a dead woman” she licked her lips willing him to understand like he always did. She needed him to understand her.

He swallowed hard. “I never forgave my mother either” he said, his hand stroking her neck now slowly. “For being selfish enough to have Octavia.  For making me the responsible one for her life”

“But…” He loved Octavia with his whole heart. Then why?

He shushed her and continued. “She’s my whole life and I’m grateful, I can’t imagine who I would be without her. But I never forgave my mother for just deciding to go against the system and then making me the protector. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love her. And you know how much I love Octavia. You can blame your mother Clarke but she was your mother. You  loved her.”

Clarke gave him a half smile and he hugged her tightly. It was helping. The contact, his words. Her chest wasn’t cold and hollow anymore.  Not like in that cell.

“What happened in solitary that you can’t forgive her?” he asked almost absent-mindly but she saw him observing her face carefully. She tensed and the hand on her neck moved to her back to rub it comfortingly.

“I was my only company for almost a year” she answered hollowly. “Turns out I hate myself a lot”

She told him about the loneliness she felt. The self-loathing. How no one would speak to her. How she wanted to end herself. She wondered if he thought that she was weak. But it was so quiet there. And so empty. She needed to do _something._

When she was done she was exhausted. Falling half-asleep on Bellamy she felt him laying her down and covering her with something but she didn’t want to let him go. Not yet. Not while she was vulnerable. He was the only who got to see her like that and tomorrow she would have to face  the rest of the camp again.

He shushed her again and moved to lay next to her, pulling her so her head was on his chest and his arm around her waist so he could keep rubbing her back, calming her down, making her more sleepy.

“You’re not alone Princess” he said into the crown of her head. “Not anymore”

She wasn’t sure if she believed him but she really wanted to.

 

 


	13. We can't be good people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has things that were supposed to happen ... 2-3 chapters ago.  
> Also I got multiple asks about jealous Bellamy and I don't know if I did it justice simple because I don't like the trope.  
> but it seemed as good moment as many because I needed Roan there anyway.  
> Also Clarke is seemingly different here because I needed her to grow a little and that shock of her only family being dead would be a factor influencing that. I hope that you like it.  
> Anyway thank you all for your comments and keep them coming so I know what you think ;)

When her breathing finally evened out she pulled away from him. He watched her waiting for another display of weakness but she was done crying. Instead she sat up and her eyes were dark and her head held up.

“We lost contact with the Ark” she said almost hollowly and he nodded slowly.

“I know. Raven told me.”

Clarke licked her cracked lips slowly thinking about the next thing she was about to say. He seemed to think that she was fragile and she was, in a moment but that was done and over, she needed the man who treated her like she couldn’t easily break.

“We have to take into consideration that they’re dead.”

“Clarke…” started Bellamy in a quiet voice but she interrupted him standing up

“No, Bellamy. They might be alive and get down or might be dead. But we need to start living and now. There is winter to think about. People should start thinking about what they’re going to wear when the snow comes in and not when they’ll see their loved ones. And Raven should put herself to something more useful than the goddamn radio again.”

Bellamy looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. Clarke’s eyes hardened. “We need to make an announcement” she said. “And I mean _both_ of us or otherwise there will be a fucking riot.”

“There will probably be a riot either way” murmured Bellamy.

“Then we shut it down. Without mercy. They might hate me even more after but it’s necessary.” She said in a low voice.

Bellamy’s eyes darkened at that and he got up slowly. “You’re  sure you want to do this? These are our people, We’ll live with them, I might be the one to enforce the rule you can be the reasonable one, the good guy. Just so they won’t have any more motive to want to murder you.” He was in front of her and he seemed curious about her answer.

“We don’t do this shit for fun. They won’t listen? They will be punished. By both of us”

They were standing maybe two feet apart, each thinking about the best way to play this out. After a few minutes Clarke spoke up:

“We’ll tell them first thing in the morning. Then we need to get them to work, they should be busy enough the trading trip was supposed to be back in two days.”

“Fine.” He yawned and she pushed him hard enough that he had to take few steps back.

“Sleep” Bellamy gave her a tired eyeroll but got rid of his shoes, jacket and pants and without missing a bit knelt down on his makeshift bed and pulled her down with him. She should protest but to be honest she didn’t care enough to do anything else but to lay down beside him. He held her lightly by the wrist and looked at her a little sleepily as if he was way on his way already.

“Raven thinks we’re fucking” she says flatly, turning on her side to face him. Yes, she spent the whole week fighting him but in the end it didn’t matter all that much.

Bellamy’s eyebrows shot up at that: “Does it bother you?”

“Not really.” His eyes were dark and sharp all the trace of sleepiness clearing out for a moment and she loved this. His absolute focus that he more often than not directed at her. It was intense yes but it made her blood pump faster, it was making her feel something.

“Does it bother you that we’re not fucking?” he asked teasingly his hand raising up to touch her pants clad thigh underneath the furs and moving his hand slowly purposefully up. She held his gaze and moved her own hand to rest on his chest and started sliding it lower and lower very slowly.

Their breaths were slow and shallow and her heart was pounding and under the soft material of his shirt she could feel his as well. And hard planes of his chest and then his abdominal muscles that were twitching underneath her touch. The moment she reached his waistband she stilled her hand.

“Not at the moment” she said giving him a tight smile and withdrawing her hand entirely. He blinked rapidly and squeezed her hip tightly.

“You’re playing with fire, Princess” he said but she could see that his eyes were unfocused again. He must be exhausted after the haunting trip and her emotional breakdown wore her down as well, they needed their rest so she let his comment slip and they allowed themselves to fall asleep.

 

Next day they tell their people that they need to stop latching on the hope or salvation. They delegated a team to go to the crash side to see if there are any parts that still might be useful. The rest of the camp including Bellamy and Clarke is supposed to take care of the wall in that community house that keeps collapsing. They had some new ideas, it needed to be done.

And honestly people acted up, of course they did but once they yelled at the camp few times and it didn’t work and two kids kept causing the most trouble Bellamy looked at Clarke and after getting a nod from her he ordered to tie them to the pole in the middle of the camp for a day.

As an example.

With a warning that if anyone tried  to help them, they would join for that day _and_ the next one.

By the end of the day Clarke was sure that the camp hated both her and Bellamy with burning passion. Although they really had no alternative since all of the actual guards were fiercely loyal to him and some, like Miller, also to her. Their rule was pretty easily enforced.

Other than that things were going okay, Bellamy was fuming a little because Octavia was late but both Clarke and Raven told him to get a grip because these were only a few days, anything could have happened and that included the Octavia and Lincoln sex lasting longer than they expected. These were Raven words and Clarke needed to pull Bellamy away before  he did something rash to the Latina.

They manged to get a lot of metal from the crash side. Most of the organic things were burned to the ground and by that Raven meant people but tried to be delicate but the metal _and_ rocket fuel? There was a lot of these. They decided to warn whoever was coming back with Octavia to warn the grounders so they wouldn’t get close to the fuel since it was highly flammable and dangerous.

Honestly Clarke was sure that Lincoln would be the one to come with little Blake.

Instead when Miller called out that the trade trip is back and Bellamy went to hug his sister, Clarke came out of the dropship and stood there staring at the other familiar face.

Here in all his glory next to the Blakes was standing Roan with a curiosity and condescending look on his face, watching his surroundings. There was some other man behind them but she was focused on him. Why was he here? He was an outsider what business did he had in trades.

He looked just like he did when she was in the village. With hair pulled back but still spilling a little over his shoulders, the furs on his back and scars on his face that screamed that he was not one of them. She walked through the crowd of people, kids getting out of her way easily and when she got to the front his eyes stopped scanning the crowd and rested on her.

He smirked that same condescending smirk that seemed to be his permanent feature in the village.  

It honestly felt like another life and she wasn’t sure how was she supposed to behave so she met Bellamy’s eyes over Octavia’s head and she motioned for the dropship with the sharp tug of her head. She watched him tell Roan and the other guest  to move and soon the five of them Clarke, the Blakes, Roan and the guy named Tomas were in the dropship negotiating the trade.

As promised Octavia and two other people have provided the clan with alcohol and in exchange they brought back some herbs that were extremely rare. Not much but something useful at least. They discussed what more could they exchange and then Tomas went to walk around the camp with Octavia while Roan stayed inside with Bellamy and Clarke.

Bellamy was looking at him with hostile expression and honestly Clarke couldn’t figure out why but then again she caught Roan checking her out during the negotiations and that was really not the time and place.

“I want a moment with him alone” she said to Bellamy and watched it frown but didn’t think too much about it. Roan had a shit-eating grin on his face when he left and she motioned for him to go up on the higher floor.

“Thought you said you didn’t leave a lover here, Clarke. Did you lie to me?” he asked mockingly and she glared at him and didn’t dignify it with a response.

“What are you doing here? Anya forced you to do trades?” she asked sharply and he laughed at her.

“No one forced me to do anything, Clarke. I wanted to come”

She stood straighter and asked: “Why?”

“Maybe I missed you” he said lazily and Clarke gave him her most unimpressed look.

“The real reason.”

Roan rolled his eyes at her and his tone changed to more clipped one. “Fine. I was curious about people who has come from the Sky. And Anya wanted me to talk to you about your people who has come. And I missed you or at least your hot body” he smirked at her again and she felt something prickle at her skin but it wasn’t only irritation.

“What the hell does Anya want to know. No one survived the crash and we lost contact with the rest of our people. We assumed they are dead but we are not sure. But you know all of that, what else?”  she ignored his other statements.

“We heard you have firearms.” He titled his head. “And you haven’t shared about it. We want to trade with our weapons.”

Clarke stood there with as calm expression as she could master trying not to show how concerned she was. Yes, they tried to conceal the weapons mostly because if everything went to shit they needed a backup plan. Hence rifles.

“We’re figuring out how to use them. And we’re trying to look for materials to use as gun powder. Think about it as unfinished product. Without gun powder they are useless.” She said flatly and Roan looked at her like she was an idiot.

“More believable lie please. I won’t take these weapons from you, not yet, but Anya will want an explanation. A better one than this.”

“It’s true though”

“And it has nothing to do that everyone but your lover is a goddamn defenceless kid” mocked Roan

“That truce was supposed to mean we trust each other.”

“You don’t give a reason to trust you if you hide things”

“I told you the most important fact, that there were supposed to be more of us, that counts for something”

“It looks sketchy Clarke and remember that Anya has a whole council that is easily swayed by the crowd”

“The treaty was made and if Anya has any doubts she can present them to me.” Said Clarke loudly and emotionlessly giving him a glare.

Roan leaned back a little before looking at her with something that looked suspiciously like a pride. “You’ve changed.”

She was sure that her eyes were basically shooting daggers at him when he got closer to her. “I like you like this” he said with something sounding like affection “Angry. Commanding. Not a lost girl but a leader.” He reached with his hand up to her face and traced her cheek with tips of his fingertips but she slapped his hand off before taking a step back.

“Yes, I’m a leader here. And this conversation is over, Roan. I told you why we haven’t talked about the guns and if Anya wants to discuss it further I will go with you when the next trade happens. But that’s it for now”

“Are you dismissing me, your highness?” there it was. The mockery again. Instead of being angry though she smiled at him.

“Get out of my sight Roan, go see the camp”

“As my queen commands” he gave her a mock bow before going down.

Clarke took few deep breaths and only then followed him. She went around her day as usual the only thing that was different was that Roan seemed to stare at her a lot with that infuriating expression of his. And she didn’t seem Bellamy but that could have something to do with the fact that all of them were really busy. They didn’t have time to babysit.

But then at the end of the day when she found a place for their guest to sleep and laughed at Roan’s offer to help ‘the queen relax’ she walked into the empty tent and finally felt that she hadn’t _seen_ him basically all day. It felt weird. She wanted to talk to him, to tell him what Roan said about the guns and ask him what he was doing. It was their ritual of sorts.

She did everything slower than usual, taking her boots off slowly and putting them carefully away. Combing through her hair slowly, methodically, braiding it loosely after she was done. Taking her clothes off and folding them nicely. It was late and he was not there.

Finally she crawled underneath the covers and wondered if he was sleeping somewhere else. Maybe he decided that he needed to get laid after their conversation few days ago when she basically shot him down. Maybe he was making some girl writhe in pleasure right in that moment while she was laying in his cold bed. Alone. Even she admitted that it was a little pathetic.

She sighed before snuggling into his side of bed and wondering sleepily when  the hell has she started caring wherever he spent his nights.

Clarke wasn’t sure when she dozed off but the sound of the flap of the tent being pulled away woke her up and she was up with her knife at the height of her chest in seconds.

Unnecessarily as it turned out.

“I thought you’d be in Roan’s bed tonight” Bellamy said and there was a resentment in his voice that she hasn’t heard in a while.

“Why would I be in Roan’s bed” Clarke asked and yawned hoping he would hurry up with undressing so she could sleep.

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” he asked angrily and she frowned.

“I think you’re impulsive and rash but no, not an idiot. Can you tell me what’s going on?”  she tried again and he just huffed.

“I’ve seen the way he was eating you alive with his eyes. That’s how you look at the women you’ve seen naked and loved every seconds of it. And when you want them again” Clarke tried to get rid of the sleep induced fog from her mind because what she was hearing was ridiculous and couldn’t be real.

“You’re being a dick because Roan was _looking_ at me?”

“He was looking at you like you were something he had a piece of and wanted more” he growled not making a move to undress and Clarke said quiet goodbye to sleep for a time being and sat up.

“Okay, how is that a problem?” 

He laughed shortly, with an edge to it, and she heard it before. That laugh. When she was wearing his bruises. When their relationship consisted of choosing the time of her death at his hands. Her heart sped up a little but she stayed calm.

“I mean it Bellamy, how is that a problem, half the camp looks at you like that and it hasn’t affect your ability to be a leader, some outsider won’t affect mine?”

He kneeled down next to her and she was hyper aware of his every move of his hand raising to rest lightly on her cheek but his thumb reaching enough to caress her neck. She felt goosebumps rising on her skin at his touch and he stared at her neck with some kind of longing. It should terrify her but the more gentle he was the more she wished she still had these bruises so every pass of the pad of his thumb could be felt more.

“That was before.” Before they tortured Lincoln, she knew. “He fucked you after.”

His hand moved down her neck and stopping at the height of her sternum. “You fucked Raven. You don’t see me throwing a fit over nothing”  she spat out and he froze before pulling his hand away for a second.

“It was once and she’s not looking like she’s ready to jump me” he said menacingly leaning in and putting his hand on both sides of her body.

“What do you want from me Bellamy” she asked tiredly. “Because as you can see I’m not currently fucking Roan. Do I have to fuck you for you to get in bed and sleep?”

He narrowed his eyes on her and one of his hand moved to her body and slipped underneath her t-shirt tracing patterns over her skin, seeing and feeling the muscles in her stomach twitch as he moved up to her ribs, underside of her breasts…

She wasn’t breathing at that point  and he was giving her that insanely focused stare before suddenly pulling away. Completely.

“Trust me Princess if we fuck, sleep will be the last thing on your mind.”

She swallowed down the groan and settled next to him when he finally got to bed. “I changed my mind, you are an idiot. And an asshole” she mumbled and he poked her in the side for that without  a word making her laugh quietly. They were okay. For a moment at least.

Roan and Bellamy were hostile for the rest of their stay. Or rather Bellamy was hostile was Roan looked like he was having the time of his life. The day there were supposed to leave she was so relieved that her headache would come to an end she was basically skipping, giving Roan and Tomas more of the metal and saying her goodbyes trying not to sound too enthusiastic.

“I’m wounded, you should be heartbroken that I’m living” said Roan looking at her barely concealed smile.

“Goodbye Roan, I’ll see you soon”

He gave her a mock salute and they left.

To be honest she wished that she wouldn’t have to see him for a longer while. Everything was only just getting stable, the kids has finally accepted their fate and they needed that peace for a while at least. Having strangers in camp was unsettling them all a little.

What she hadn’t expect was to see them only three hours later.

With the dead body being thrown to her feet.

Clarke was standing there frozen looking at clearly a Grounder dead for days with a clear bullet hole in his forehead. She couldn’t breathe. Who would do something so stupid? What would happened next?

She had no time to do anything because the next thing she knew was the blade pressed to her neck. Roan’s sword. She looked up to see him raise his eyebrows in goddamn amusement like it was a bloody game for him.

“Can’t wait to see how you walk out from this one” he said lightly.

“You’re coming with us”  announced Tomas hatred clear in his eyes.

“I don’t think so” said Clarke forcing her voice not to shake. She could  feel Roan’s blade pressing harder against her skin drawing blood.

There were people behind her but she waited for something else. And soon enough Bellamy and the rest of the guards were by her side with rifles pointed at the two men.

“So you want war after all?” Roan’s voice was almost soft.

“I want to know what happened. Tell Anya to meet me on neutral ground or right here. I don’t want war and I made it clear among my people. This was not on my command” her voice was hard as she basically repeated the same Anya said to her weeks ago.

Roan was watching her like a hawk as she presented her position and Tomas was sneering but finally they agreed. When they left for the second time she didn’t breath out, no weight was lifted from her chest. Instead he turned to Bellamy. “Did you know about this?” her tone was urgent, not exactly panicked but close.

“No, I didn’t” he looked like he tried to figure out a solution and fast.

There were three possibilities. A war, Anya killing the guilty one or and that was the version that made her sick to her stomach. Anya giving her the kill. She hoped it wouldn’t be the first one and if it was not the war then she knew what would be the other option but decided not to dwell on it. Not yet. “Let’s find a guilty one” she said quietly and she noticed guards looking at each other with something like fear and Bellamy frowning at her.

“Don’t just fucking stare. We don’t have time” she hissed.

“Jesus, calm the fuck down, Princess” spat some kid out in the front. There was a crowd, there was always a crowd looking at her and judging her every move to spit it in her face later.

Clarke felt her panic die down in place of anger. Hot burning anger. At the stupid world, at that goddamn kid, whoever they were, for endangering their peace for forcing her to give an okay for an execution. She felt Bellamy’s warm hand on her back and his rough voice in her ear telling her to calm down, that they could get through this.

They couldn’t though. There was no way out, the truce was in danger and that’s because someone decided to go against her wishes. So she pushed him away and scanned the crowd carefully.

“Who did this?”

Now they were silent. Deafening silence. Of course.

“Who knows anything about this?”

Nothing.

“Speak up!” she yelled and could see Finn move towards her but she stilled him with one glare. “Do you want to know what happens when Anya comes here and there is no guilty one? I will tell you. Fine.”

She licked her lips and looked at this kids that she would do anything to protect, really, she was responsible for them but the Earth was unforgiving for children and as unfair as it was, they needed to grow up. Fully.

“First they will take me. Decapitate me probably. Then once they realize that we have guns they will probably burn this place down because they are resourceful enough for that. If someone tries to escape they’ll slash them down. We don’t have the man power to stand against them as much as we’d like with the weapons. To fight yes but not to win.” They were looking at her as if she spoke in another language and it made her angrier. “They will kill each and every one of us. Unless you bring me the person who did this and maybe I’ll find a way. You have until sunset.”

She turned towards Miller and growled: “No one leaves the camp. Is that clear?”

He nodded and Clarke stormed out towards her tent. She was standing in the middle breathing deeply trying to calm herself down. It would do them no good if she was a yelling mess. Bellamy didn’t follow her and she was grateful because it would turn into a huge fight she was sure of that. Licking her lips again, she calmly  got her hair off her face and secured it with an elastic. Or something that passed as an elastic here.

Then she walked out to find Raven.

The girl was with Jasper, working something out with the scraps of tech that they got from the crash side but she said earlier that it was most likely a lost cause.

“If we’re at war. Do you have any bright ideas?”  she asked getting into the tent where they were working.

Raven looked up at her with a confused expression. “Didn’t you say we’re basically dead if we don’t find the guilty person?”

Clarke shrugged and sat down in front of them tiredly. “Well, we are most definitely are war if we don’t find the guilty one.” She felt like she was having out of body experience. Like the war was not a very real possibility. Like she wasn’t willing to sacrifice one of her own for peace. “I mostly said we’re dead so they would listen to me. I don’t intend to go down without a fight though so… ideas?”

Raven told her how many bullets she could make and Jasper suggested something really smart like mines or just straight up frying them with rocket fuel but that would be a onetime thing. Clarke was sure that Anya didn’t consider them a threat real enough to send a whole army at once.

“Okay. Raven, focus on these mines. They won’t be the focus point but they won’t expect it. If Bellamy comes around, run it by him, maybe he’ll have some idea. Alright?”

“You got it, Griffin.” The mechanic gave her a thumbs up and Clarke went her separate way.

When she was walking, asking around and taking care of things she heard the whispers. Of course she did.

_…She’ll let them murder him…_

_…She’ll give him up…_

_…doesn’t care…_

She wanted to shout at them that it’s not like she has a choice. It was not her doing. None of it.

They wouldn’t listen though. They don’t care about her reasoning, they only see her in their minds passing whoever did this to Anya for a painful death.

She refused to see herself that way. Not yet at least.

“Clarke”

She turned to see Miller and Jackson pushing a restrained boy.

He couldn’t be a day over fourteen years old. “Is it him?” she asked and her voice was emotionless. Empty.

“Yeah, it’s him. We  heard him talking to some kids about it while he was sneaking out” said Miller and the kid was starting to kick and trying to escape but Jackson kicked underneath his knees sending him to the ground.

Clarke wondered where the hell was Bellamy but it was not the time. They were in front of the dropship and there were people around them and there were no whispers anymore.

Just shouting.

“He’s just a kid!”

“Let him go!”

“He doesn’t deserve this!”

She ignored them. “Did you do it?” she asked the boy and he spit in her face.

“Answer the fucking question or you’ll have a talk with me” she looked up sharply to see Bellamy. He was walking towards her from around the dropship with a glare and a rifle in his hand. With the corner of her eye she noticed that the rest of the guard was standing around ready to intervene. He was protecting her from their own people. This was worse than she expected.

“Did you do it?” she asked again looking him straight in the eye. The shouts were getting louder.

“I did.” He snarled.

He was a boy, what the hell has happened that he was _that_ hostile, she wondered.

Clarke nodded and moved her eyes to Miller and Jackson. “Lock him up in the dropship. One person should stay and make sure he won’t try to hurt himself.” She heard a distant yelling that she wanted to hurt him herself and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself in check. Bellamy and Octavia were yelling to calm people down but it was not working. She went with Miller and Jackson into the dropship and the kid seemed to lose his edge.

“Don’t you want to know why I did it?” he asked almost calmly and she was really aware how young he was. She also knew that he was her only chance at stopping a war. One life in exchange for many.

She was her mother’s daughter after all.

“No, I don’t.  Lock him up” she commanded.

They did everything she asked of them. Jackson stayed upstairs while Miller got down and was ready to leave when she grabbed him by the sleeve to stop him. His face seemed like he would like to do everything but looking at her.

“Why did he do it?” she asked quietly keeping her emotions out of her voice.  Trying at least.

Miller sighed deeply. “You didn’t want to know from him” he said and she deserved that pang of guilt.

“You know that I needed to do this, right?” she was looking at him and clutching the fabric of his jacket like a vice because somehow she started to care about his opinion. He was keeping her safe, she could at least deserve it.

“Yeah Clarke. I know. Doesn’t make it any less better though” he said and pulled himself away to leave the dropship.

It was quiet. They calmed the people down, that was good.

The kid was screaming at the top of his lungs upstairs. She wondered how the hell did she end up here. She was sentencing the kid for a certain death. For the good of their people she has decided his life is not worth enough. Her eyes prickled with tears and she hated herself.

She had no right to cry.

The door to the dropship opened and Bellamy barged into it and asked : “Where’s Mike?”

Mike. That was his name. Another pang of guilt went through her but she kept quiet about it instead she took a deep breath and answered:

“Locked up at the second floor with Jackson.” She met his sigh with steel cold glare. “We can’t have war. He knew what he was doing.” Clarke braced herself for an argument, for a fight that was coming. It wasn’t right but it had to be done, she would stood by what she has decided. Roan was right that it was part of her life now- killing.

“That’s good” said Bellamy and Clarke blinked surprised.

He walked towards her a little and exhaled frustrated but his face was a picture of calmness. He was turned fully towards her and watching. Always watching.

She couldn’t believe him. She expected him to call her a monster again slam her against the wall and threaten her until she admitted that letting the kid die is insane and cruel. Yes he helped her with locking him up but he was always supporting with others watching why wasn’t he yelling at her right now.

“Why?” she asked quietly and looked at his confused face, he was frowning and she took a moment to elaborate. “Why is this fine?” she asked softly closing her eyes for a moment and licking her lips the gravity of the situation settling in. She would most likely have to kill one of her own. She locked him up and deemed his life not worthy the war. Roan’s words were echoing in her skull and she hated him in that moment.

“This isn’t right” she said and opened her eyes to glare at him as if it was his fault that she had to kill again. “I shouldn’t have done that! Why are you so goddamn calm!” she shouted and pushed him. It didn’t help, he hadn’t moved an inch and she was so frustrated.

“It needs to be done” he answered shortly and really, she needed him to be mad, it couldn’t just be normal to her.

“I didn’t even think all that much about that kid. At the beginning yes but mostly it was the debate would we survive a war or not… And you know it!” she pushed him again, baiting him still, and this time he took a step back. “Why aren’t you pissed at me? Why aren’t you telling what a monster I am? Why are we acting like killing someone is so fucking normal?”  she was shouting again, clinging to that part of her that knew it was bad and rejecting violently the one that watched Nastia’s body fall on the floor without feeling anything.

He stalks towards her and she backs away on instinct until she feels cold wall of the dropship behind her back. Bellamy’s face is so goddamn calm and still doesn’t understand why he is just there looking at her and there is no judgement in his eyes, none, he _understands_ and he’s the only one who ever does.

His body doesn’t touch her, his hands are on the wall of the dropship on both sides of her head and he’s leaning in, she’s crowded by him, no way out and instead of freaking her out it calms her, it’s done, he’s seen the worst of her why would she be nervous anymore.

“We can’t be good people Clarke” he said simply, she wanted to stop looking at him but couldn’t, he was everywhere. There was something between them, something that she can’t describe with words, that level of understanding, that trust.

“You and me” She whispers and then something in his face that she saw before. Possessiveness.

 “Yes, you and me. No one will come close to what we are.” As people. To each other. These things went unsaid and she felt the energy between them move.  His lips are closer now and he doesn’t look for permission when he moves closer and his lips land of hers, it’s gentle, barely a press and she couldn’t breathe.

It was barely a whisper of a kiss, such a tiny contact, it felt like a promise. “Bellamy” it wasn’t exactly asking but he still pressed his lips harder and moved them. He was moving steadily and it took her a second to catch up and respond. Her heart was picking up its pace and she moved her hand from her side to his back trailing her fingers over his T-shit and he seemed to purr into her mouth, she pulled away for a second and saw his eyes that were focused and intense and she felt like she had all the power when he looked at her like that, she brought him back to her mouth and this time the kiss was deeper, more thorough with Bellamy exploring her mouth while moved her hand that wasn’t on his back to his arm and traced the texture of his skin, the curve of his muscles that had been strong enough to bruise her skin. 

He was right, they couldn't be good people but they could be there for each other.

And she could feel like a woman and not an executioner.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too fast?  
> I promised slow burn.   
> Which was accidental slow burn but slow burn nevertheless.   
> Tell me what you think ;)


	14. How did it feel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is this kind of content when I don't know if I should say I'm sorry or you're welcome.  
> Also hi, I've been got what? 2 months? Uni and exams :D  
> ummm.  
> You will probably something spoiler-ish:  
> that scene was my dark fantasy about Clarke and Bellamy getting it on after she murdered someone. don't ask me why, I just had a thought in what? November? And I had some of this written since then. I basically wrote a multichapter because I wanted to include this scene. It's a fantasy and fiction and I think my Raven summed it up pretty well in previous chapters that their relationship is "fucked up but it works".  
> As for the execution scene.. yes, I know it's basically 2x08 spacewalker but I needed something and it worked pretty nicely :D  
> Also: sex is not supposed to look like that, I mean if we're going for any power play even slight it should be discussed and there should be a safeword.  
> But yeah, fantasy.  
> I hope it doesn't disappoint though :D  
> I should probably knock up the rating though.  
> anyway leave kudos if you enjoyed and leave comments to tell me what you think!

Clarke didn’t sleep that night. Instead she spent it with Raven, Monty, Jasper and Bellamy in the tent with weapons. They were helping Raven make more bullets and in the meantime they were discussing their possibilities.

In case it didn’t work out meaning if Anya wanted to burn them all alive. Raven kept talking about doing mines which Clarke was all for but bullets were still a priority. Jasper and Monty kept quiet, speaking only when spoken to and even then it was about explosives. Clarke could see tension in their shoulders and she remembered that they were sent here for smoking pot. Such a meaningless thing in the greater scheme. They didn’t deserve this and neither did Raven. And yet, the three of them were so important, Clarke was glad they were reckless enough to get caught and end up right here.

Bellamy was as focused as her, thinking about possible solutions and at the same time reminding them that it’s just a backup plan that they might not need it at all. That Clarke could pull it off. They left the tent just as the dawn came.

Everyone went to their stations without a word as if they weren’t expecting Grounder Princess anytime soon. Clarke made her way to her and Bellamy’s tent, she needed a breather. And her knife.

“You should probably sharpen it” his low voice came from the entrance and she raised her sight to see him watching her lift the weapon.

“What?”

“Give it to me” his voice  was low and  he took her blade and run a finger over the edge. “I’ll sharpen it for you. The cut will be easier.” Just a matter of fact, small mercies.

Her throat closed up at his words and she clenched her teeth so she wouldn’t start panicking again. He watched her with concern for a second and then he was right in front of her with his hand resting on the side of her neck and his eyes boring into hers: “You’re going to do it, Princess.”

She cupped his hand in her neck with her own and shut her eyes. “Everyone will see.” There was a turmoil of emotions in her and she hated it, she didn’t even care that the whole camp would see. She worried more about one person. The person who has seen her kill before who knew that she has killed before she had gone down to the ground.

“Yeah, Princess, we’ll be right behind, watching you”

He would see her kill. Again.

Suddenly she stood on her toes and pressed her lips against his. Their teeth clashed and he took a step back to keep his balance only for her to follow him. Pressing her whole body against him she bit at his lower lip sharply forcing a gasp out of him and taking advantage of his parted mouth. He responded to her kiss just as viciously moving against her, his tongue moving to enter her mouth. She felt Bellamy move his hands, one to her hair, waving his thick fingers through it and tugging slightly making her moan. His other hand landed on her hip holding her hard enough to bruise and she welcomed it arching into his touch and moving her hands to his belt hurriedly but as she started to unbuckle it he pulled away, the hand moving from her hip to clasp  her hands in his own, stopping her. Clarke tried to distract him by kissing him again but the hand on her hair kept her head in place. When she tried to move towards him she just yanked at her own her and she glared at him.

They were breathing hard and when he finally spoke his voice was a little hoarse:

“Princess…” she squirmed in his hold. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“What does it look like” she murmured dropping her voice lower trying to affect him. “I want to fuck you, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it”

“Clarke” his tone grew serious “We have our roles to play today. We can’t…” she looked at his slight disappointment but all she could feel was irritation.

“Why the hell not? Would you rather do it after I kill the poor kid? So you have a reminder that I’m a killer? What if it doesn’t work and we die?” she  hissed at him  and his eyes grew darker. He tugged at her hair again and she let out a quiet moan again as the sparks of pleasure danced along her spine.

“I meant that we can’t be distracted  before it happens. But yes, I want to see all of you, not only your body but everything that you’re made of princess, the strength that allows the hard choices that doesn’t flinch away and has control of everyone out there.” He released her hair and she sighed in disappointment.

“What control? That’s the second time that I made a scene to you in two days.” She murmured. Of course they couldn’t do this right now, as for the rest, they’ve been dancing around being the same and being fascinated by each other’s ruthlessness for a while now, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to her.

Bellamy squeezed her hand comfortingly.

“Well, you don’t really have to stay in total control with me so don’t worry about it. ” He kissed her on the lips quick and sweet and left.

Clarke sighed again and tried to clear her head.

They should talk and not jump into bed either way. She made her way to the dropship and busied herself with small tasks waiting for the Grounders to arrive.

Bellamy was supposed to take all the shooters and put them in places, ready to fight and something looked sketchy. Clarke warned him before that by “sketchy” she meant if they started shooting burning arrows or something equally obvious. They were trying to avoid war after all. He slipped the knife in her hand before leaving to his post. It was sharp enough that she prickled the skin on her finger with just the slightest pressure. Perfect for the task.

Finn told her when the Grounders arrived. She left the dropship, matching with her head held high, watching the uneasiness among her people as she made her way towards the entrance of the camp. The gate was open and the first person she saw was Roan who looked almost intrigued and there at his right was Anya herself. Her eyes were narrowed and lines on her face seemed somehow sharper or maybe it was just the anger on her face. One of her hands was resting on the sword on her belt, almost casually, and Clarke reminded herself that if Anya wished she could die in seconds. Just before the rest of her people.

Behind Anya there were about twenty armed warriors but she couldn’t pay attention to them, her whole focus was on the leader.

“Clarke kom Skikru. You have broken the truce. That means war. You knew that.” Her voice was cold and Clarke could hear gasps behind her. Fear.

“This isn’t my doing.” She answered looking the other leader straight in the eye. “I haven’t commanded it, it was done against my will.”

“Do you think this changes anything?” Anya snarled. “The blood of my people has been spilled. Blood must have blood.”

Clarke raised her chin up at that. “This is no different to what happened before. Your people has attacked mine and the guilty one was sentenced.”

Anya tilted her head and looked at her curiously. “Are you willing to give up one of your people for slaughter?”

“I’m willing to do anything to prevent war.”

Anya looked like she was considering this for a while and Clarke felt like every muscle in her body was stiff with tension. None of this was perfect and she was at Grounder’s mercy waiting for a sentence. The question was would she condemn only one life or the lives of all of them. After what seemed like forever Anya finally spoke up:

“You will spill the blood of your own while my people watch. If you trick us and the guilty one is alive, you won’t live till next morning. Be wise, Clarke of Sky People.”

Anya was challenging her but she knew that it would have to be that way. After she gave the Nastia’s kill away, she needed to prove herself. Her face was blank as she nodded.

“You can’t  be serious” Tomas spoke. He was standing behind Anya as well and his face was a picture of disbelief and rage. “One of our own is dead,  let’s just end this. That was the deal, it will take a moment and the will be finished” His hand was twitching towards the direction of his own sword and Clarke tensed again but didn’t move.

Anya looked like she ran out of patience. “I don’t expect you to understand my every choice, I expect you to obey. The decision has been made. The execution will be held once the sun sets.” She told not taking her eyes of the blonde. “Go and prepare.”

The walk to camp was a blur. The  Grounders stayed outside the gate and Clarke went to Raven to ask about ropes or something else to tie the kid up. It was surreal, people got really quiet whenever she walked past them and she wondered if it was only resentment or maybe they feared that she would condemn them to death as well. Raven was in the tent with the bullets and gun powder, tinkering with some cables that Clarke didn’t recognize.

“I guess it went well?” the mechanic asked not taking her eyes of her work.

“Fantastic. I get to kill a young kid when the sun sets” Clarke sat down next to Raven and watched her fingers move over the electronics. “What are you doing?”

“Communication. I’m trying to work out a walkie-talkie of sorts”

“Is it working?” Clarke looked at her intrigued and Raven flashed her a smile.

“Not yet, but it will. By the way, I saw that ‘friend’ of yours. Good job, Griffin.” Her tone was teasing and Clarke felt herself relax just for a second. Her voice grew lighter as she answered:

“He’s an asshole but once you get his mouth busy he’s bearable I guess” She grinned and she got a whistle out of the other girl.

“Awesome, I might try since we share men anyway”

“That was one time” Clarke exclaimed.

“There will be two soon enough” said Raven under her breath. The blonde huffed out a laugh at that and they sat in silence for a bit. She felt a little guilty about slacking off today but she could bet that everyone was on edge and wandering around without purpose.

That’s until she heard her name being called.

The curse slipped out of her mouth before she could help it and she glared at laughing Raven before leaving the tent. In the middle of the camp was Miller looking for something or someone, probably her so she went there.

“What’s going on?”

“Someone wants to talk to you” he looked really annoyed and Clarke frowned.

“Anya?”

“No, tall, long  hair, fucking annoying.  Didn’t say his name but told me to call you sweetheart”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. Where is he?”

“Dropship. Get rid of him. And few people want to talk to the kid. How do you want to do this?” Clarke looked at him and was a little hurt to find the resentment that was on everyone else’s faces. The only one who hadn’t shown it were Bellamy and Raven but the girl was just too busy to care. Since Finn and their split she kept busy all the time.

“Let them, just keep an eye on them at some distance.” She said to Miller and left.

Roan was sitting on the counter in the dropship and grinned when he saw her. “Hello, little leader, long time no see”

“Cut the crap.” Clarke hissed. “What do you want?”

“How does it feel?” he jumped off the counter and came closer.

“How does what feel?”

His eyes were sparkling with something that looked like amusement. “You made a choice. To kill. I didn’t think you had it in you when you sat in my cabin, I’ll give you that. I’m glad I was  wrong.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re glad that I will kill my own?”

“I’d rather you survived this so yeah, I am glad that you will kill your own. I like you Clarke. It would be a shame for you to die over your compassion.”

“You think it’s a weakness. Why am I not surprised?” she turned away from him but he grabbed her arm and her instincts kicked in, her knife flew and was at his neck in seconds. He didn’t look concerned at all and it pissed her off.

“It is weakness Clarke. You’re a leader, your good conscience will never be a priority.” He took the knife from her with almost no effort and she stopped herself from huffing like a child at him.

“Give it back” she said as calmly as possible and he handed her the weapon.  “Anything else?”

“Yeah. Don’t hesitate.”

 

*

 

Miller sent her an almost hateful glare when she asked him to tie Mike. There was a pole in the middle of the camp, the one that she and Bellamy used to tie people to when they tried to riot lately. Clarke clenched her jaw and tried to silence the voice in her head that kept hissing at her: _What had she become? What had they become?_

When the sun started setting they let the grounders inside. They kept to one side while her people were on the other. Strangely the closer it got the calmer she was.

Finn was looking at her from afar with disbelief and horror in his eyes. He kept his distance lately and she was grateful. She didn’t need his judgement.

“It’s time” said Anya, standing the closest, first row view for the sentence. She nodded and called for Miller and Bellamy to bring Mike. Suddenly Clarke was very aware that the silence has finally ended.

She hadn’t realized but apparently everyone thought that she had a secret plan that would save everyone, fix everything. Another deal maybe if she took Mike’s place. And then suddenly they were faced with reality.

Bellamy was speaking quietly to Mike while he tied him to the pole and the boy _howled._

Clarke took a deep breath and watched Bellamy walk away from the boy, locking eyes with her on his way, giving her a tiny nod.

Everything got even  louder then, ever worse than before with Mike‘s friends yelling and crying and Miller, Bellamy and few other guards keeping eye on the crowd so they wouldn’t act out, keeping them in place. There was fire all around them, giving the place the atmosphere of a ritual. Clarke watched the whole scene and tried to force herself to feel pity towards the kid that was tied but suddenly all she felt was anger towards him. Not even towards the Grounders that were making them do this, no. They set the rules and that idiot just had to be a rebel. He was young but so what. It was the choice between one life or all of them. There was no scenario in which they could win no matter what the stories used to tell them when they were young and naive. Clarke walked through the crowd with the blade in her hand and feeling hollowness inside her mind. Mike was crying and she though how ridiculous was that in every story they heard on the Ark the martyrs died being brave and quiet. How  can you he brave when you’re fifteen years old and about to be slaughter by your own leader. She’d like to say that she would be calm and collected in situation like that one but she would probably whimper like an animal.

“Clarke, Clarke please” he was choking on his own tears all red face and swollen eyes. There was no trace of anger that has been there  when she basically arrested him.

“You knew this would happen”

“You can figure it out, you and Bell, Clarke please” he wasn’t hearing her, just begging.

She looked at him and felt no remorse, no sadness. It scared the hell out of her that it didn’t affect her. Not anymore.

“Not this time. I won’t risk it.”

She lifted the knife.

“Clarke please”

“This man will pay for his crimes. We had no part in his doing” She exclaimed loudly.

“Clarke” it was barely a whisper now as she moved the knife and cut through his artery as quickly as she could.

There was blood on her hands and on the front of her body. It was spilling down her knife and her fingertips as she watched the boy convulse and then everything was calm.

Only then she realized the silence that fell around her once again. She’d rather that there was a lot of loud and angry shouting instead of this.

“It’s done”

She walked out. She shouldn’t do that but she trusted Bellamy to take care of the body and settle it with the Grounders. Octavia could help. She walked and walked until she got to Bellamy’s tent.

She was sitting on the furs on the bed, staring blankly at the wall of the tent. It could have been hours or maybe minutes since she pushed that blade into Mike’s neck. The blood on her hands got dry and started to fall off and she busied herself biting her own lip and trying to forget. She felt like the world was resting on her shoulders. She saved so many lives by taking just one and it didn’t make it better. In the distance she could hear the mourning of his friends, their screams. It seemed that the Grounders were finally leaving and Bellamy was giving some speech, she couldn’t make out the words but it sounded like a warning.

Few minutes later he entered the tent and stopped when he noticed her. She was wondering if there was disgust on his face, hatred, even after what he had said. Slowly she turned her head and looked at her partner. He didn’t speak but there was something on his face that reflected just what she felt, acceptance of what they needed to be to survive.

Bellamy was staring at her, there was no hatred in his eyes, instead something like admiration but not exactly. His eyes were dark and he licked his dry lips slowly. He was too far away. They could either have a fall out or go somewhere deeper but she needed to be closer.

Clarke stood up and moved until there was no space between them, they were almost pressed against each other. He was leaned into her slightly, their mouths so close they were breathing the same air, their hearts beating faster and faster, the tension between them getting so thick it was difficult to handle. “I felt his life escape under my fingertips” she whispered, her lips brushing his while she talked and then he was kissing her like his own life was ending.

His chapped lips moving harshly against her own, scratching them and making her growl lowly in her throat. She was tugging at his shirt, her nails biting into the flesh of his abdomen in the process, marking the planes of his skin. Bellamy was breathing harder, nipping at her lip until she pushed him away to pull his t-shirt off. He helped her get rid of it quicker and tossed it away, his eyes were dark, pupils all blown up, pure desire on his face. Clarke wanted to get back to kissing him but before she could reach his lips, he groaned and tugged her arm so her back collided with his chest.

Her body was engulfed by him and she welcomed the feeling.

One of his arm was just under her breasts, keeping her close while his other hand was gripping her hip tightly, Clarke was panting, her heart beating faster and faster when his mouth found her neck and dragged the  path up the column, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine until he got to her ear and whispered not grazing her skin but close enough:

“How did it feel?” her hand was gripping the arm around her like a vice and her pulse was beating so fast it was deafening.

“Like power?” she panted and felt him joining their hands, lacing their fingers together. “Power that I shouldn’t have” her voice hitched at the end and she let out a loud moan when he sucked at the spot just below her ear, she was shivering with anticipation.  

“It was the right thing to do” He growled into her ear again  and his hand on her hip moved up her waist to rest on her breasts and kneaded it, she was moving her hips, feeling his erection on her back and she felt alive.

“I know” Clarke exhaled.

“You went straight for the neck” he kept talking, his hands getting rougher, pressing her harder against him as he started to rub against her and the hand on her breast groping her harder. “His life ended so quickly it was almost soothing” He bit down on her neck and she groaned.

“I don’t regret it, Bell” she said a little unsure and he spun her around again this time and framed her face with his hands, looking at her with that intensity that she once feared. Now she welcomed it.

“Good” He pressed his mouth against hers so hard their teeth clashed but soon enough they found a rhythm. She was clinging to him, afraid to lose contact just for a moment, his chest radiating so much warmth, she wanted all of him. He was sucking her lips, tasting her, engaging her with everything he was doing while his hands were working to get her jacket off her arms. When it was somewhere on the floor she pulled away from the kiss.

“Bellamy” she whispered and watched his swollen lips as she busied herself with the buckle on his jeans once again that day. This time though his hands were at his sides letting her do as she pleased. His tongue darted out, wetting his mouth and she kept thinking how would it feel buried deep inside her. “He told me we could figure it out. That we always do” she murmured before she kissed down his chest slowly.

Tasting his skin was something she hadn’t thought about before but now couldn’t imagine not doing that again and again. Her lips sliding effortlessly over the smoothness, the warmth underneath her tongue, the slightly salty taste. It was everything, it was smoke, forest, sweat, everything that surrounded them it was in this intense man in front of her.

“You and me” he moaned as she slid even lower and sank her teeth into his hipbone. She pushed his jeans down just enough so she could  mouth at his cock through his boxers.

“Yes, you and me” she was on her knees before him, the cold ground chaffing her skin and she felt content and powerful. It was a vow or a promise. They made it together so far, they were going to take another stop. She pulled his boxers down and watched his hard cock as it appeared and she kissed it lightly not wasting time, fluttering her lips against it and watching his frustrated face as he bucked his hips against her face.

“Open up, Princess” he nudged the head against her lips and she smirked at him before opening her mouth. Her eyes closed as she felt him slide against her tongue feeling the musky taste as he was moving  deeper and deeper. She moved her tongue, caressing the smooth shaft  and it felt so good she felt herself get wet. She started sucking at him when she felt a sharp tug at her hair. She groaned deep in her throat at that, sending vibration over his cock when she felt another one and a command. “Eyes up, Clarke. Let me watch you”

She opened her eyes slowly just as she took him further down, nudging against the back of her throat and watched as his face was getting  slowly lost in the pleasure as she started to suck at his length again this time slower. His moans were so deep and the hands on her hair kept tugging it every other moment that she got more and more enthusiastic, rubbing her thighs together, dreaming about  relieving some of her tension but first she wanted to bring him to the edge of pleasure.

He bucked a little too hard hitting the back of her throat forcefully and she gagged, trying to pull away immediately but his hands kept her in place with seemingly no effort at all, his face screwed in pleasure but his eyes focused solely on her. “Breathe.”

Her eyes were filled with tears but he kept her grounded and focused. When she managed to breathe through her nose, he smiled at her and pushed deeper until some of his cock moved past her throat and she felt the buckle of his belt irritating her face a she’s taken him to the hilt. She was looking at him with tears streaming down her eyes and her hands passive by her sides. She must have been a sight, crying, struggling to breathe as he was fuckin her face. It shouldn’t make her thighs slick with arousal as he used her for his pleasure. It felt amazing though to watch him, to touch her tongue to his moving shaft to taste him and hear the hitches in his breath. Soon enough he was panting tugging at her hair to pull her off and she let go, coughing a little, watching him get his control back. She looked up at him, still on her knees, smiling wickedly as his eyes cleared and he pulled her up to kiss her mouth.

She pulled away way too quickly and looked at him with a smile as she took his hand and pressed it against her core, moaning at the feeling and grinding while Bellamy’s eyes grew even darker. He took his hand away quickly and she whined but he spoke up: “Shhh, Princess, you’ll get what you want soon enough” he stroked her cheek gently and she was torn between being irritated and aroused.

“Oh really, cause you’re slacking off” she snarked and he gave her a predatory smile.

“Say that again after you’re exhausted laying with me so fucked out that you can’t think straight” his voice was barely over a whisper and she shifted her legs again, rubbing against her jeans giving her some relief but not enough. She opened her mouth to protest but before any sound could escape he was into her space his index finger tracing her lower lip making her freeze in anticipation.

“These lips, they seem like they were made for me” he murmured bringing his face closer to hers, his cheek next to hers as he moved his finger into her mouth, just a little, touching her tongue with them. “Not for Spacewalker, not for Roan, that mouth was meant for me.”

Her breaths grew even more shallow as he whispered. It distracted her enough that the next thing she knew he was taking her shirt off with both his hands and tossing it to the ground. He wasn’t looking at her face anymore his eyes on her breasts, full and still cladded in her ratted old bra but it didn’t matter anymore, did it? He unclasped it with a bit fumbling but before she could make fun of him about it he pushed her back towards the bed so fast she lost balance. He kept up though, laying her down on the furs and peppering kisses on her full globes, small ones for a moment until he nipped on the flesh on her right breasts and she arched her back moaning.

“Please” she moaned and he smiled against her flesh sucking on the flesh next to her nipple, teasing her and marking her skin. The idea of Bellamy leaving his bruises on her skin again had her moaning even loader as she tried to grind against his thigh but he was  having none of that.

“Bellamy” he unlatched from her skin admiring his handiwork and grinning at her. “More, please” she whispered and he shook his head with almost gleeful smile.

“Not yet, Princess.”

“Please” it was almost a whimper but he huffed out a laugh.

“I know what you want but wouldn’t you rather feel this?” he dove again and sucked this time her nipple in her mouth. She was basically humping air and couldn’t feel any shame. It felt so good, his mouth hot and sucking hard at her stiff buds. Her cunt was so slick it felt unbearable but she loved what he was doing, flicking his tongue almost soothingly over her nipple while keeping the suction and she was in heaven. He moved his hand to her other breast, groping it and feeling it’s weight again before circling her other nipple gently, the contrast to what he was doing with his mouth, she was probably whimpering at this point, the only words leaving her mouth being ‘oh god” and his name. He stopped sucking and looked at her, pinching the other harder making her buck up hard.

“Your tits are amazing and you’re so responsive, you love this, Princess, don’t you?” he stopped pinching her nipple and instead traced few circles around it with his tongue watching her face screw in pleasure. “You’re all wet for me just from me playing with your tits, aren’t you?”

“Why don’t take off my pants and find out?” she breathed and he smirked.

“But I’d rather stay right here with them” he said, massaging her breasts and it felt good but she wanted more.

“Please” she whined and moved her hand to close around his cock and stroke him. She didn’t even manage to close her hand around him when suddenly he was over her his hands clasping hers on both sides of her head, keeping her immobilized.

“How much do you want it?” he asked nuzzling her jaw and she huffed out.  “You don’t sound like you want it a lot” he mocked her before sucking softly on her neck just on her pulse point.

“You want me to beg you?” she asked and when she got nothing in response she started writhing again her voice husky as she talked “Bellamy please, I want you cock, it felt so good on my tongue, I wish you’d fuck my mouth until you came. I wanted to taste your cum on my tongue or feel it on my skin. But I also want your fingers in my cunt, I got so wet when I could taste you  and now when you play with my tits. And your tongue oh god, I want you to make me feel good” he growled against her neck and bucked against her. She felt some strange satisfaction watching him fumble with kicking off his own jeans and underwear before all but tearing hers off.

Bellamy growled again when he saw string of her arousal still clinging to her panties and she opened her legs for him, open and willing, smiling sweetly as his fingers traced her folds.

“Oh God, you’re so wet, sucking my cock got you wet, yeah?” he was tracing her folds almost painting them with her arousal and she lifted her hips trying to make him go closer to her entrance but his other hand pressed her down by her hip.

“Oh come on.”

“This is my playtime” he said and dipped his finger just barely moaning at the easy slide he thrusted two fingers  inside shallowly few times while she kept murmuring her pleas. His cock was hard and leaking more precum now, she wanted a taste of him and he felt similar way apparently because he pulled his fingers away from her and sucked them into his own mouth, humming.

“You taste so good, Princess” he said and dipped his fingers inside her again this time to the second knuckle, caressing the walls of her cunt gently before pulling out and moving them to her face, painting her lower lip with it. Her eyes were wide and her tongue darted out shyly, tasting herself but she managed to barely touch her arousal on her lips before Bellamy moved and kissed her, licking away her taste himself. At the same time he thrusted to fingers inside her fully and she let out a small scream.

It was burning the stretch just a little too much but the pleasure that she felt at his fingers moving inside her made it all feel amazing. He wasn’t gentle with her either, his fingers trusting fast and hard and she was panting her vision almost blurry at edges.

She wasn’t even begging anymore the only sounds leaving her mouth were moans as he moved. He watched her for a bit, her pants that grew shorter and shorter and when she was arching off the bed he moved down and licked her clit.

Slow, almost kittenish  licks at the sides and then right under the sensitive bud had her twisting underneath him but he hadn’t let up for a moment. It felt like pleasure was all she could feel, his tongue gently moving directly over her clit, caressing it first slowly then a little faster while still fingerfucking her. She was probably whimpering that’s the only way to describe sounds that were escaping her as she climbed higher and higher the pleasure coiling in her core as she watched him lick and groan bringing her higher until she felt herself falling over the edge biting down on her own hand to muffle her scream, her legs shaking.

She was contracting over his fingers slowing them down as he moved them gently and let up on her clit a little.

“Fuck me” she whispered and he pulled away for a second, his fingers still moving.

“Not yet, I promised you something and you look amazing when you come, I want to see more” he said and before she could protest he dove between her legs and pulled away his fingers to lick around her entrance. She was twitching under him, sensitive after her orgasm but he was gentle, licking and sucking at her folds lightly, dipping his tongue inside her but staying away from her clit for now. She moved her hand to his hair and tugged it gently but he seemed to like it because the next thing she knew he was _eating_ her like she was his last goddamn meal. Moving his head to lick her slit from her entrance to her clit, drinking her juices and _humming_ at the taste again and then suckling wetly on her clit which had her bucking up the bed again but he kept her steady only to release her clit and flick it side to side with his pointed tongue earning himself another groan as she felt the pleasure coursing through her veins. She felt more wetness drip from her and so did he because he stopped to lick at her slit again but slower, dipping his tongue deeper to gather  her arousal and it was the hottest thing she has ever seen in her life, him devouring her. He popped her small bud into his mouth again shaking his head and circling it with his tongue which has her thighs opening and closing, shaking again so he had to hold her open for his undivided attention. He started flicking his tongue rapidly over her clit which since she couldn’t move her legs had her crashing her upper body to the sides. Once his tongue got tired he would lap up her arousal for a while straight from her entrance not wasting anything. When she was trashing constantly he sucked at her clit and alternated it with flicking it fast with his tongue, up and down, making her whine and moan and having her on his tongue until she whined out:

“Oh my god, I’m gonna cum” he doubled his efforts and her mind was completely blank at this point the only thing she knew was the pleasure from his tongue as he ate her like he needed her, bringing her closer until she was coming long and hard and screaming into the pillow when she felt the hot white pleasure coursing through her and overwhelming her.

She hadn’t felt him move away but when she opened her eyes he was laying over her again with a smug smile on his face and her juices still on his lips.

“You’ve had enough?” he asked with his arrogant tone and she didn’t answer but pulled him down for a hard kiss. They had a whole night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw if you comment the next chapter will probably be sooner that this one :D Motivation is way bigger if I know what you think :D


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